When The Past Comes A Knocking
by Emma-MasenCullen
Summary: Bella, now a strong and powerful vampire, is a singer at the club Fangtasia, owned by one Eric Northman. She is happy now; life seems to only got better for her. But what happens when the past comes a knocking? Bella/Sam M Bella/Edward
1. Fangtasia

When The Past Come A Knocking

FYI: No Sookie. Vampire/Vampire relationships are not frowned upon. Mainly just about Vampires (Cullens, Hales, Eric and Fangtasia gang, Bill, Bella, possibly some others in later chapters), Jacob and some of the residents of Bon Temps. Vampires don't sparkle or burn in sunlight; they just glow, like bright white light and Shifters/Weres don't have to change on a full moon they change when they want.

Chapter One: Fangtasia

It has been five years since the existence of vampire have been revealed. It has been much longer since I became one. On the fateful day I went looking for the meadow that me and _him_ used to share, Victoria and Laurent both finally caught up with me. I, however, was actually pleased to see them; they were the only one's who could give me what I truly wanted. Death. I begged and begged and begged for them just to kill me, I didn't care if they drew it out, tortured me until I was broken in everyway possible, ripped me slowly limb from limb, made it as painful as possibly could or if they made it quick, easy and painless. I didn't care, all I wanted was death. It was all I ever wanted since _he_ left me that day in the forest, alone and broken. Of course, I tried to kill myself but I couldn't help but think of Charlie and that promise, the promise that I should have never made, that _he _made me make. But then, I had two ruthless, powerful, revenge-filled vampire ready to kill me, my wish had finally come true.

But they did not. They didn't break me or torture me. They did not rip me limb from limb. It wasn't slow, nor quick and easy. Instead she gave me the thing I once wanted most, the thing that now was an inflicted curse… Immorality. She bit me, and so did Laurent. She wanted me to suffer an eternity without the person I needed most. I suppose it was only fair… a mate for a mate, though I was no longer _his mate_. But that what they did, they gave me a curse and now I have to live with it.

They left me alone in the forest to let the change happen. I had never been in some much pain, well, maybe I had but it was excruciating, like fire ripping through my veins, tearing my insides out with the scorching. I couldn't move; I spent the three day unconscious on the floor of the forest, unable to think or speak, only feel which was the last thing I wanted to do right then.

After the three day of Hell I woke up dazed and confused. I discovered three things that day: one, I was a shield, nothing could touch my mind, which was why _he _could never read me as a human; two, I was completely immune to human blood, and my eyes would never be any other colour but brown, I walked right up to Charlie and there wasn't a single flame in my throat. It's a very handy gift; and thirdly, I would always be immensely strong, stronger than Emmet, stronger than a newborn.

The night after my transformation I packed my things and left. I wrote a letter to Jacob explaining the whole story; all the truth and not to tell Charlie it and I wrote one to Charlie telling him I was going away, that I was old enough to take care of myself and I would speak to him soon. I heard that there was a vampire gathering in New Orleans so I thought I would go there. Away from all the memories, the painful memories…the painful, wonderful memories and all the regrets. I could stand being there any longer. I drove to Seattle, boarded a plane direct to New Orleans. Once there I met Eric Northman and life started looking up for me.

The day Vampires announced themselves to the world was the happiest day of my existence, apart from meeting Eric. It met that we no longer had to hide from the world; we could go about our day to day life just like everyone else. They used a cover story about some sort of disease, a genetic mutation that made us this way, the blood-drinking, the deathly-pale skin, the coldness, the never-aging and glowing in the sun. That was fine by me; also I hadn't got to hide anymore. The Japanese produced synthetic blood so we didn't have to drink from humans, or animals in mine and a few other people cases, it was tastier than I thought it was going to be. Eric opened a club in Shreveport with his best friend Pam. I, on the other hand, I moved to Bon Temps, buying myself a house with the money Eric gave me and got myself a degree in medicine, chemistry and forensic science.

I go see Eric and the rest of my friends every couple of weeks up in Shreveport. Eric is doing really well for himself, his business is thriving and is the Sheriff of area 5, an important status is Vampire Hierarchy. Obviously, everyone reports back to the Volturi but it makes in easy for them to have King and Queens of states and counties, and them to have underling than the Volturi and their guard to be everywhere at once. They make themselves known from time to time with executions of criminal vampire and stuff like that.

Eric is much older than any of the vampires I know, and knew. He is over a thousand years old and still looking fabulous. He's very handsome, radiant with blonde hair and blue eyes, approximately six-foot-five with broad shoulders. He's thin but muscular, and rather a lady's man with a real joie de vivre. Without Eric I have no idea what I would have done. He is my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my sunshine. I met him a bar, he was trying, with all his charm and wit, to seduce me. That was until I slapped him and stormed out. He had never been treated that way before; usually he was so irresistible to women. That was when I broke down in tears, and I told him everything, every detail about my life before the change, what life was like with _him, _all the dangers and incidents that happened to me, I told him of my birthday, of Jasper, what _he_ did to me, how _he _left me, broken and alone. Eric took me in a cared for me. Without him I would have just wasted away into a pit of pain and depression and eventually gone to the Volturi and asked for death.

Life with Eric and my new friends was happier than anything I had ever dreamed of. We did a lot of partying, like I said Eric was a lady's man. They taught me to forget the past, to focus solely on the present. To live each day as it was my last and cherish every moment I had. It's got me through a lot, that piece of advice has. The whole in my chest is barely there now, and I am glad.

I got myself a job; I love reading so I decided to open a book store. It does quite well to say Bon Temps in only a very small town. We have no library so it's more convenient to buy books from me than to drive to the nearest larger town to get them. I enjoy it very much, I get to do something I enjoy and see all my human friends and my vampire ones too.

But today I was going on a new venture. I was going driving over to Shreveport to see Eric and my friends…and sing at Eric's club. I was quite looking forward to it. Eric rang me the other day to ask me if I wanted the job at night, from when the club opened to when it closed. It didn't seem a bad idea; I would see my friends more often and get paid in the process. So, I got in my little mini with a bag of my "sexy" clothes and makeup and drove over to Shreveport, I got Jacob the last time he came over to rebuild my engine so I could drive at really fast speed. I have a need for speed now, my old truck stuck at 50mph wasn't fast enough plus I couldn't bear to be anywhere near it. It take about an hour to get from Bon Temps to Shreveport, I got there just as Eric was opening up.

"Eric, it's great to see you," I chimed with a smile on my lips.

"Bella, darling, it's been too long," Eric answered, still as handsome as ever.

"Indeed it has. I've been busy with my store, had a couple of book signings from authors and I had Jake over and had a dinner date with Sam, which didn't go to well so we decided just to stay friends."

"Someone's been a very Busy Izzy."

"Eric, I've asked you to call me that," I said in a playful voice, "you know I don't like it."

"Aww but I thought Izzy would be a great stage name. I was hoping you'd like it I've already had the posters made up," he said revealing to me a poster advertising me singing at Fangtasia for the foreseeable future.

"Ok the Eric, just because it's you, and only you, Izzy it is."

"Fabulous, I've had Pam hire someone to do your wardrobe not that you don't already look stunning but we need to get you looking really sexy on your opening night," he replied grinning from ear to ear like a Cheshire cat I couldn't help grinning too.

We walked through the closed down Fangtasia as Eric went around switching on the lights. After all the lights was on, he grabbed up a couple of bottles of Trueblood and we went to sit in his office to catch up. I talked about my store getting some book signings, no-one big like JK Rowling or people like that just some localish writers and a few friends I know who got their work published. There were successful events, most of Bon Temps came with a few of their friends and a few friends of mine came from out of town; and Jacob came too.

Jacob stayed after my events for a few weeks, getting away from La Push for a while, his father and mine. He enjoyed being here, and I enjoyed his company. We did shopping, went down to Merlottes for a few drinks and lounged around at home watching DVDs and catching up with what I was missing back home. My friends from Forks had all passed over, but we talked about the good old days and the La Push gang were still shifting but their job was much harder now that Vampires had announced themselves.

I told him about my dinner date with Sam who owns Merlottes bar, it was kind of disastrous. We went to a posh restaurant in Dallas, I was wearing a dress my mother had sent me for my "19th" birthday, she didn't know I was a Vampire and neither did Charlie, not even when they passed over. It was sapphire blue, halter neck and backless. It was just above my knee and I wore sapphire blue heels too. Apparently I was a picture of perfection, I told him I highly doubted it, Eric laughed, telling me I was always a picture of perfection.

It started off well; we ordered drinks and our starters. While we waited for those he asked me how my book signing events went although he already knew because he was there. I asked him how things at his bar were going. He told me he had a fight in the bar the other day and he had to call Andy Bellefleur to drag them out and arrest them. He had no idea what they were fighting over.

Our starters came ten minutes after we had ordered them with was quite fast I thought. We talked about the weather, boring I know, how Jake was doing. Sam and Jake had become good friends when Jake was on many long visits, as they were both shifters they had plenty in common although Jake had the right to be called a Were he just kept it at shifter because that's what there legends told them they were.

We ordered our main course and some drinks and the conversation was still flowing. Sam asked me all kinds of questions about myself, my favourite colour, my favourite food when I was human, about my family. He asked me how I was eating now so I asked him if someone asked you to eat dirt could you. He replied yes, so I told him that exactly what I was doing; eating dirt. He was very careful not to ask me about previous relationships or my friends from Forks or Forks in general.

We shared a desert which I thought was a very sweet idea. We had some sort of ice cream thing. I think he did it because it gave him an excuse to lean across the table closer to me, I had always had a soft spot for Sam, he reminded me of Jacob in so many ways. As we waited for the bill he took a hold of my hand, it took me by surprise, he was so warm. I looked down at our hands before looking back up at his face, there was an emotion is his eyes I couldn't place, but I didn't worry about it. He paid, wanting to be a gentleman, insisting that it be that way. It was very charming of him and I liked that.

We decided to take a walk by the river, it was moonlit and the stars were shining just as brightly. I told Sam it was romantic despite myself. He was holding my hand again and insisted that I wore his jacket although we both knew I couldn't feel the cold, but it was a very sweet gesture and I accepted it. We talked some more but about Sam, about his family, his childhood, dealing with being a shifter, about how he came to be running a bar. I asked questions, his favourite colour, sport, food, drink; where would he rather be which he answer right here with you, I wasn't too sure if I liked were this was going; where he'd travelled to and where he wanted to go. Conversation was flowing freely, but then it all went wrong…so very wrong.

We were walking back along the river to the car when he grabbed me, some murderer/rapist trying to attack me. He grabbed from behind, a hand over my mouth so I couldn't scream, trying to drag me away. Little did he know I didn't need protecting, biting down, drinking from him, it was a terrible idea but my life depended on it and so did my emotional stability. Sam phased and killed him tearing him to pieces, which wasn't a bad thing; he had to dispose of the pieces, still insisting he be a gentleman, not letting me help. He carried me the rest of the way to the care, to make sure I wasn't going to go into shock, or go into a general breakdown. It was chivalrous of him, another quality of Sam that I adored.

The journey back was a silent one, neither of us spoke much. Sam asked me if I was alright and I kept replying yes. He drove me right to my door, opening the car door for me and helping me out. I thought maybe he was trying to salvage what was left of our evening. He walked me to my front door with his arm around me. I asked him if he'd like to come inside, he gained a bit of enthusiasm and agreed. I made up coffee; I didn't know he was right behind me until it was too late. His lips were on mine, moving with hast but softly; they were warm and I longed to kiss him back, to make my lips move in sync, a beautiful partnership, I did love him in a way and lips did just that. Then the whole began to unravel, tearing its way through my chest. I fell to the fall, clutching my front.

He just stared at me as I broke into tearless sobs, "Sam, I can't," I said "Sam I just can't."

He knelt down beside me and whispered, "I know Bells, I know, I'm sorry, I can't help how much I love you. This guy broke you real bad, if I ever meet him so help me… Just let me put you back together Bella, let me love me."

I didn't know what to say so I told him the truth, "I love you too, Sam, more than you know, but I can't, I wish with all my heart and soul that I could but I can't, I'm too broken, I'm beyond repair, I can't let you waste your beautiful love on me…it wouldn't be right or fair."

He smiled, "Always thinking of others, Bella, for once, just think of yourself. I will never let you go or leave you, and I'll always love you. Bella, it's been years, it's time to move on, prove to this jackass that he can't break you, that he can't bring you down, show him what he's missing, show him a love he can never have…you are a beautiful person Bella with a massive capacity to love unconditionally and we love each other, and it feels _so _right…at least think about it. I'll love you no matter what you decide."

"You're right Sam, you are. Time to think of myself for a change and he's not going to hurt me anymore, he's not. I love you Sam, and we do feel right, I've never been happier than when I'm with you. Will you be with me, even if I'm merely a shadow of my former self, will you fix me Sam, please, put me back together," I was still sobbing even though I had a weak smile on my face.

"I will Bells, you can count on me, to love, care and comfort you, you'll be you again before you know it. I'm not going anywhere now, I love you so very much," he whispered softly into my ear as he scooped me off the ground and carried me to my room.

He gently laid me on my bed; I was exhausted although I couldn't sleep. I just lay there letting all my emotions and thoughts disappear. I sensed Sam watching me, slowly running his finger through the coils of my hair. Eventually he fell asleep and I was the one watching him, he chest slowly rising and falling, listening the steady beating of his heart, it was the most exquisite sound I had ever heard. It was the perfect end to a not so perfect night.

After I had finished my account of my busy social life for the past week, Eric was staring at me with his mouth hanging open. I stared right back until Eric had enough strength to speak, "Wow, you go girl, so you and Sam…"

"Are still dating, so don't bother to try and set me up with any of you delicious looking friends," we both laughed at that.

"So how long have you and Sam been together now?"

"Three weeks, a fabulous three weeks, I've never felt better. Jake came over a week ago and the first thing he asked was 'who are you and what have you done with my Bella?'" I smiled gleefully, "he's so happy for me, that I've finally found someone. He finally imprinted, that's why he was there, he wanted his best friend to meet his imprintee, Renesmee her name is. A brunette, short and slender, she's a younger and more beautiful version of me. Jacob obviously already knew Sam; he was glad he had finally won my heart and brought me back to life."

"Yes I notice the change; I've never seen you so bubbly or talk so fondly of anyone even Jake or your family," he smiled a cheeky grin, "I must meet your saviour, I must thank him and beg him to teach me his way."

I laughed, "Well, it just so happens that he's coming to see my opening night, and I was hoping to introduce him after the show."

"Darling, I'd love to, anyone who makes you happy I would love to meet."

"Great, so, back to tonight, do have a list of songs I should sing or personal preference?"

"Personal preference, darling, you can sing anything you like as long as its not rap, heavy rock stuff and R'n'B, of course there are a few exceptions but you have to clear it with me first."

"That's cool, so, I'd better get ready, where's Pam?"

"I'm right here," she replied pulling me up by my hand and whisking me out the door. I managed to shout bye before she pulled me completely out the room.

The club's opening hours were from 8pm to 4am…that's 8 hours I would be singing for. I got an hour break, either all together or broken up however I pleased and I changed outfit every hour. Pam had all my outfits for tonight ready. The first was very showy as it was my introduction. Bright scarlet floor length strapless which flared outwards gradually from my waist. My hair was done up in a sort of a bun thing, help up with a scarlet clip Charlie bought me one Christmas, if only he could see me now, if only. To top it all off I wore heels, killer heels, red straps but the platforms and heels themselves were silver to match the silver jewellery I was wearing from Sam for this occasion.

Eric came in fifteen minutes before show time, tonight he was waiting until 9pm to introduce me to the crowd, this means that the bar would be busier, not that it wasn't busy already.

"You look simply stunning, my beautiful butterfly."

"Thank you, Eric."

"You are most welcome, pick your song choices?"

"Yes, I've already given my list to the DJ."

"Good, its show time in T-15 minutes."

"Gosh, not much time left, Eric, could you get me a TrueBlood?"

"Sure."

Adrenaline would have coursed through my veins if it could; it felt like it did, like they were buzzing, a painless fire spreading through them. I hadn't been this nervous or excited in a long time and I was thoroughly looking forward to it. Eric came back with my TrueBlood and left soon after. He had other things to do other than wait around for the minutes to tick by before he announced me to his customers. If I was still human I'd probably be as red as my dress by now and shaking like a leaf, not that I would be putting myself in this situation of I was human. And something bad would probably happen to me, like tripping over and breaking my neck with the heels I was wearing, or loosing my voice, or fainting with nerves. I had about five minutes left, so I tried calming myself, taking unnecessary deep breathes, singing quietly to myself. This was to be the biggest thing I'd done in my life, I was just hoping I didn't ruin it, and that I'd make my Sam and Jake proud. Jake said he'd fly over to see me on my opening night, but he couldn't stop long, he had to get back to La Push, Pack business.

Time seemed to ticking by so slowly even for a vampire where seconds mean very little. I had never sung for a big crowd before. Obviously Sam has had heard me sing, I sang all the time had home, he told me I had a voice of an angel; I had to take his word for it. I never thought I was anything special when it came to singing or pretty much anything in fact but Sam made me feel worth something, constantly telling me how wonderful I was or beautiful or talented. And Jake had heard me sing on occasion. I sang for his last birthday because he asked me and he was rather drunk and he caught me singing a few times when I just wandered into my house like he owned the place.

And naturally Eric had heard me sing otherwise I wouldn't have the job. I had never been nervous about singing, I never had a cause to be, but I was shaking as Eric stepped on stage and bellowed into the microphone "Can have your attention please?", a deafening silence followed his words before he spoke again, "Tonight friends and guests, ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special guest who has agreed to be club singer for the foreseeable future, she is an incredibly dear friend of mine, some of you may already and without an further ado it would pleasure and privilege to introduce you to Izzy."

Shit. He had just said my name. I could hear the round of applause as I took another unnecessary deep breath and stepped out of the curtains and into the spotlight. Eric took a hold of my hand and walked with me to the microphone, he was grinning stupidly and I just couldn't help smile to. I was already at the microphone before I knew it. Taking another deep breath I finally spoke. "Thank you, thank you." the crowds instantly went quiet. I had never seen the place so full. "As you know my name is Izzy, and it is my pleasure to sing for you..." I turned and smiled at Eric before continuing "...so lets get this party started!!!" There was a big cheer and the band entered onto the stage. I went and had a quick word with them before resuming my place at the microphone.

I took another deep breath and began "1 2 3 4...  
Uh... yeah... woo... hey yeah... huh... hoo yeah... uh huh... yeah...  
I want to dance...

Clocks strikes upon the hour,  
And the sun begins to fade.  
Still enough time to figure out,  
How to chase my blues away.  
I've done alright up 'til now,  
It's the light of day that shows me how,  
And when the night falls, loneliness calls.

(Chorus :)  
Oh! I wanna dance with somebody.  
I wanna feel the heat with somebody.  
Yeah! I wanna dance with somebody,  
With somebody who loves me. (x2)

I've been in love and lost my senses,  
Spinning through the town.  
Sooner or later the fever ends,  
And I wind up feeling down.  
I need a man who'll take a chance,  
On a love that burns hot enough to last.  
So when the night falls,  
My lonely heart calls.

(Chorus x2)

Somebody who... Somebody who... somebody who loves me...  
Somebody who... Somebody who... to hold me in his arms...

I need a man who'll take a chance,  
On a love that burns hot enough to last.  
So when the night falls,  
My lonely heart calls.

(Chorus x2)

Ooh ooh! Dance! Come on baby...  
Dance! Wooo! Yeah! Dance! You dance like this...

Woah! (Dance!)

Don't you wanna dance? (Dance!) with me baby.  
Don't you wanna dance? (Dance!) with me boy.  
Don't you wanna dance? (Dance!) with me baby.  
With somebody who loves me.

Don't you wanna dance?  
Say you wanna dance.  
Don't you wanna dance? (Dance!)  
Don't you wanna dance?  
Say you wanna dance.  
Don't you wanna dance? (Dance!)  
Don't you wanna dance?  
Say you wanna dance. (Uh huh)(Dance!)  
With somebody who loves me.  
Ooh (dance!)  
Ooh-oh (dance!)  
Ooh (dance!)  
...with me baby...

After I finished the song I felt ecstatic, I had never performed with a live band before or sang in front of this many people before but the feeling was crazy and I loved it. The dance floor was full of people dancing away to my music, I could see Eric from his usual booth in the middle of the bar grinning from ear to ear, he was pleased that his plan was working and pleased that I was enjoying myself, which I was. Sam and Jake were sitting at the same table, both with their jaws on the floor, not literally, but you know what I mean. Only moments had passed after I had finished my sing and taken in the room. I stepped back up to the microphone and spoke, "Thank you guys, nice to know someone think I'm good, anyway back tonight…I'm taking requests which I'll be singing between 12 and 2 so get deciding and next up is Valerie." I turned

Well sometimes I go out, by myself, and I look across the water.  
And I think of all the things, of what you're doing, and in my head I paint a picture.  
'Cause since I've come home, well my body's been a mess, and I miss your ginger hair, and the way you like to dress.  
Oh won't you come on over, stop making a fool out of me, why don't you come on over, Valerie.  
Valerie  
Valerie  
Valerie

Did you have to go to jail, put your house out up for sale, did you get a good lawyer.  
I hope you didn't catch a tan, I hope you find the right man, who'll fix it for you.  
Are you shopping anywhere, change the color of your hair, and are you busy.  
Did you have to pay that fine, that you were dodging all the time, are you still dizzy.  
Well since I come home, well my body's been a mess, and I miss your tender hair, and the way you like to dress.  
Oh won't you come on over, stop making a fool out of me, oh why don't you come on over, Valerie.  
Valerie  
Valerie  
Valerie

Well sometimes I go out, by myself, and I look across the water.  
And I think of all the things, what you're doing, and in my head I paint a picture.  
Since I've come home, well my body's been a mess, and I miss your tender hair, and the way you like to dress.  
Valerie  
Valerie  
Valerie  
Valerie  
Valerie  
Valerie  
Valerie  
Valerie  
Why don't you come on over Valerie...?

After Valerie I say Summer of '69 by Bryan Adams, I Don't Feel Like Dancing by the Scissor Sisters, and SexyBack by Justin Timberlake which got a few people's hearts beating, especially Sam when I started dancing, I never thought my dancing was sexy, but most of the male population of the bar thought it was and that I was so I was pretty pleased, but I only had eyes for Sam, who's eyes were already fixated on me. Eric gave me a suspicious wink as if he knew what I was doing, which wasn't anything in particular.

I sang a few more song, nothing over sexy or anything, nothing that required me to get my sexy groove on, that was coming later. I did a few pop classics that everyone liked and after those it was time for my clothing change. I thanked my crowd who absolutely adored me; it was nice to know so many people enjoyed my singing. Before I was dragged off by Pam I had a quick break. I got myself a TrueBlood from the bar along with another beer for Sam. I went over to his table and sat down. I got mobbed by a few instant fans who wanted an autograph and I happily obliged them. When that moment of craziness had died away, I turned back to Sam, whose eyes were as wide as saucers and staring right at me, his blue eyes bright and longing.

"So, how did I do?"

He stared at me and after a moment he spoke, simply saying "Wow."

"That good, huh?"

"Have I told you I love you today?"

"Maybe, I can't recall," I replied with a smile, teasing him a little in my answer.

"Well, Isabella Marie Swan, I love you, with all my heart and soul, you are the most astounding, exquisite and unique person I have had the pleasure of meeting."

"Since you put it that way," I smiled moving so my face was an inch from mine, "I love you too, Sam Merlotte," then our lips were joined in a very passionate kiss, the kind of kiss you had when you wanted to take thing further, which was just what Sam had in mind as he run his hand under my dress, over my leg. But this wasn't the time or the place so I slowly pulled away, "later, Sam, later, by the way, the next dress is for you," I kissed him on the top of his head, and skipped away to Pam who dragged me to the changing room.

It was a quick change and now I was wearing a deep purple dress that was very short, I mean very _short_, it just came to my thigh and it was rather low cut with wide scrunched up straps with a silver clasp in the middle, I was wear killer heels still but this time in purple. I stepped back out onto the stage and there was a procession of wolf-whistling and catcalling and gawking. Sam was practically drooling, for a moment I thought I was being cruel teasing him so but I knew he'd thank me later.

"Thank you guys, I'm going to sing some more songs for you then take a break until 12 so my good friend Mr DJ can play a few dance tracks that even I can't sing then I'm singing your requests, give your ideas to the bartender and I'll sing as many as I can. Now this is Single Ladies by Beyonce."

I sang the song loudly and danced very sexily, I had the male population's heart's pounding, trying you escape their chests and most of them were pretty damn excited I can tell you. I sang Hips Don't Lie by Shakira, Like It or Not by Madonna, Lose My Breath by Destiny's Child, Don't Upset the Rhythm by Noisettes, Just Dance by Lady Gaga, Crazy In Love also by Beyonce and a few other modern, sexy songs.

The applause I received at the end of my hour was phenomenal. Maybe it was because I sang well to get people in the mood for dancing or I danced well to get people's hearts racing. Maybe it was because I was loved by all these people because I bought something into their lives that they couldn't bring in themselves; music. A beat and rhythm no-one else could give. And this knowledge made me smile, people needed and wanted me, and for the first time in a long time I was at peace and complete. I was a good feeling, and I got of the stage feeling enlightened and my self-confidence was through the roof.

I went to sit with Sam on my break. I went to the bar to us some drinks, naturally I had a TrueBlood and I got Sam his favourite beer. As I sat down Sam was staring at me. I asked him if he thought I did well, he didn't answer he just continued to stare me as a huge grin spread across his face. He took hold of my hand and kissed it and carried on kissing the length of my arm then my shoulder then my neck, cheek before finally my lips. Only then did he speak, "You were beyond words, I don't know what else to say. Oh Bella you mean so much to me, I'm not sure if I'd be able to go on without you."

"Sam, thank you, you've done so much for me and always been there when I needed you, I love you with all my heart. I could bear to loose you." I dropped my voice level to just a whisper, my lips less than an inch from his ear, "I'll prove to you how much I really do love you later."

As I rose I saw Jacob making his way through the crowd with my favourite Jacoby grin on his face. I sat back down as Jake pulled up an empty chair to our table with he mouth wide open, I think was because he was so shocked at my performance and so was I in fact. It took him a few minutes before he actually spoke; I and Sam continued to stare at him until he spoke, "That. Was. Awesome." They were the only word that left his mouth. A massive grin spread across his face as he rose from his chair and walked around the table to me. I rose to greet him as he pulled me into a tight hug, kissing my cheek. Then he whispered in my ear, "Bella, you look gorgeous, your performance was stunning and the dancing…well, the dancing, Sam is one lucky guy, I would love to be in his shoes, you know that but I am honoured and thrilled that we are best friends."

I had no idea what to say, I had always know Jake had a thing for me, but I thought he had grown out of it years ago when he knew I wasn't go to be able to love anyone for a while. A very long while, in fact centuries and then I found Sam. I really thought he would have given up by now. Plus, he had Renesmee so his life revolved around her. I always saw him as my best friend nothing more nothing less and he knew that too, maybe he just thought I should know he still had feelings, now that I was capable of love again. But I had no intention of letting Sam go any time soon.

Finally after a long pause, all this time still in his arms, I pulled away from him slightly to see his face and said "Thank you Jake, thank you, it means a lot to me that you care so much," I smiled and remove myself from his hug and sat back down next to Sam.

Only moments later, Pam came over to our table. Jake had already left for La Push, he had a Pack Meeting and as he was now Alpha he had to be there to run the meeting. She told me that Eric had requested my presence at his table in the corner. She also told me that she enjoyed my performance and that I would be an asset to the team at Fangtasia, I smiled and thanked her before telling Sam that I was going to talk to Eric and that I'd be back as soon as I was able.

I went over to his table, signing a few autographs on posters and posing for a few pictures along the way. When I got their Eric was beaming, probably very proud of his new little money making machine and maybe a little happy for me too. I smiled the same infectious smile as I sat down.

"My, my, _Izzy, _weren't you a dark horse, I'm very glad I asked you to sing in my bar, you were absolutely sensational, I loved you, the staff love you and most importantly the crowd loves you. The singing was magnificent but the dancing was something else, you did us all proud Bella, and most of all, you did yourself proud. You looked dazzling. You were amazing. You are amazing. Congratulations."

I grinned at Eric's comments, because for once I actually believed that he was right. Usually when people complimented me I used to thank them but I never believed what they were saying because I always thought it was false. I had this pre-printed idea of myself and no amount of compliments or arguments was going to change it – I always thought I wasn't special or beautiful or smart or talented or anything like that I always saw myself as plain, ordinary, shy, quiet me, nothing more and nothing less and finally someone had broken down my wall and I was seeing myself for the first time in a non-tainted light and I liked what I saw, my self-esteem and confidence had grown 10-fold since _he_ had left and I finally felt happy with myself than I'd been in a long time. And that's exactly what I told him and I thanked him for allowing me the chance. I hugged him tightly before going back to Sam, kissing him and went back stage for my next dress, jade green, floor length with a halter neck.

The rest of the evening ran smoothly, I sang as many requests I could in two hours, only pausing for breathe which I didn't need and blood which I need. It was a mixed bad, some old favourites, some new favourites, some songs that I had never heard before which I apologized for and I'd research them and sing them next time the person who requested them was in the bar. The bar was dancing most of the night, even Sam danced to my surprise, I didn't think he was going to seeing as I was singing but Pam offered which I though was quite nice, instead of him being lonely in his chair which I'm he was content doing, staring at me, but got to have some fun to.

When my shift was finally over after a mind-blowing experience and wondrous night, I came away feeling content, at peace and loved. Sam and I walked over to the car together, hand in hand, smiling and laughing, he was kissing me again. I could wait to get home. It took all my strength not to give in to his teasing and kisses right there and then. He kept on whispering that he loved me, what I meant to him, how he would do anything for me, and he didn't stop telling me as we drove back to Bon Temps either. We eventually arrived back at my house; we didn't even get to the doorstep before the passionate kissing began. I only just managed to unlock the front door before he had my dress off me. Let just say that I proved to Sam just how much I loved him in a very passionate act that last the whole night through…

**[A/N: So, a little different from my usual stuff, for a start it's more suggestive than anything I've written so, that's new. Never done a cross over so that's new too. Hope you enjoyed, THE TITLE IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE, and I promise lots of action, cliff-hangers, romance and a few broken hearts, the perfect recipe for a perfect fic…please keep reading and review if you want. Thanks peeps :D ]**


	2. New Beginning

New Beginning

Edward POV

It's been years since I last saw Bella, and I knew I'd never see her again, it's been too long, she'd probably lived a long and happy life, had children who probably had children and so on and so on for years, centuries even. I try not to think about that day, the day that I left. I try not to think how she believed my lie so easily, after all the times I told her how much I loved her and needed her, all I did was say it once and she doubted. I try not to think about the pain I knew I had caused by saying my deceiving words. The thing I tried my hardest not to think of the most was the expression on her face when she said, "You… don't… want… me?" and the expression that was worse from when I said, "No." I couldn't bear to think of that, it caused me too much pain to know how much pain I had caused Bella, the reason for my existence. I regretted leaving her in the forest as soon as the moment had passed. I knew she'd be ok, I didn't lead her far into the forest, she'd be home soon enough but if I could I would have cried after I left knowing exactly the damage I had caused in trying to prevent her harm, her safety was the only thing that mattered, the only reason I was glad to leave.

The day after I had left was terrible. I didn't move from the spot in which I fell down onto the night before. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I couldn't believe that I had actually lied to her about not loving her and left. It left like I was completely hollow inside, whereas even though I don't use them I know they're there, but I felt like I was filled with nothing, an empty void. I lay on the floor, my knees to my chest feeling more human than I had in a long time, but feeling a different emotion – pain and heartbreak. I was utterly unbearable, I felt like a pane of glass, completely shattered. My family stayed clear of me that day, even kept every thought they had to themselves which is incredibly hard to do and I appreciated it. I just wanted to be alone, allowed to drown in my own misery and guilt and pain. I hated myself so much for what I had done. I felt dead.

The weeks after weren't much better. I felt ever second of pain. I never left my room, I slowly, after a few weeks, began to move, still feeling dead, stilling feeling heartbroken. I rarely hunted, only when the scorching became insufferable. I still couldn't stand to be anywhere near my family, though there thoughts were less guarded now which sometimes I resented. And most of all, I still couldn't stand myself. I hated myself for what I did in everyway possible but I talked myself in to believing it was the right decision, her safety was all that mattered but it didn't ease the pain

Despite my age she was my first love, all the feelings I had wanted when I was really seventeen were born again and intensified. Our relationship was a deep connection, I could feel it in my bones, in every part of my being, like we were made for each other, a perfect match in every way, soul mates you could say. I wanted to do so much wither, so much I wanted to share and to say. I wanted human moments and experiences with her. She was, she is absolute everything. But what I truly was got in the way and I had to think what was best for Bella and it wasn't me. The pain of losing a first love was excruciating, words can't describe how horrific it really was. But as long as she was safe it was all that mattered. I'd say that over and over to keep me going but every second I was sinking deeper into a never ending depression.

Sometimes, on my good days when the pain's not too bad, which are few and far between, I think about our life and how it could have been if her disastrous birthday party never happened, or it happened but the family got over the fact it did. I think about us and how we would have probably graduated together and she would have looked stunning in her graduation robe. I think of how she would have fretted to me about revision and her stubbornness when I would have tried to pay her college tuition fee. We would have both ended up in Dartmouth together after many arguments she would have probably finally given in, but only if she got something in return. I wonder if I would have turned her, it was completely against everything I stood for but I couldn't live with my life, I couldn't live without my soul, I would have eventually given her what she wanted. In a way it would have been what I wanted too. Sometimes I think of our wedding, how Alice would have pulled out all the stops and Bella would have hated every minute of it until she was finally on that aisle walking towards me. I imagine her in her wedding dress, both if she was human and not, either way she would have been simply breath-taking. If she was human her cheeks would be covered in her beautiful blush. Her hair, in tight coils, cascading down her back. It would have been the best day of both our lives. I sometimes wonder if I hadn't turn how she would look as she grew older, and if I would have, once she passed over, have soon followed, I think I would have, I couldn't be without her if I had been with her for all that time. Usually I have to stop here, for the pain doubles and I'm on the floor clutching my knees to my chest again, regretting it all, hating every part of my being.

Then, sometimes, again when the pain has subsided so I can breathe, I think of what happened to Bella after I left. I should imagine that she was heartbroken for a while but eventually she would have got over me. Maybe she finally gave Mike Newton a chance; he was an alright gut who would have treated Bella well. They could have got married and had a couple of cute children, girls, which looked as beautiful as Bella. Maybe she dated him but things didn't work out. Maybe she didn't want to marry straight out of High School after what happened to her Mom and Dad. Maybe she went to college and became a teacher or something to do with English; she would have made a good teacher. Maybe she found a partner in college and they were together ever since and they got married and had children. Or, as much I would have hated it, Jacob Black. He, although annoying and a wolf-descendant, was a nice guy, would have made Bella happy. I try not to think of bad things happening to her, although she was a magnet for trouble; I didn't want to think of things that might have happened that harmed her. That was the whole reason in leaving; to keep her safe. It would usually be around this point the pain would come back at a strong intensity and I'd have to close of those thoughts from my mind.

Most of the time, I try my hardest not to think of her. It only brings with it a crippling pain that I can't take any more. Although she was my entire existence, I try not to think of her. But I don't want to forget either. Forgetting her would be the blackest kind of blasphemy next to leaving her in the first place. Forbidden to remember; terrified to forget. But no matter how hard I tried not to remember, not to think of the deep pooling chocolate of her eyes, or the soft cascades of her luxurious hair, or her floral fragrance that scorched my throat and make me want her even more, or her sweet laugh and smile, or how she was stubborn in arguments, or how she would get carried away when I kissed her or the pounding of her erratic heart when I simply touched her, I could never get her off my mind. Everything I see, or do, or say, absolutely everything reminded me of her and I couldn't escape it, and I didn't want to either, even if it caused me tremendous pain, I didn't care, I had Bella in my mind. I wish every day that I didn't leave, so that we could have been together, happy and in love for the rest of eternity, because I would have eventually give eternity to her.

The years seemed to numb to the pain, I can't even recall how many years ago it was since I left and I really don't want to either. I'm not saying that the pain has gone, just numbed. To the point were I know its there but I've grown so used to it and accepted that it's always going to be there I can longer register it's there. There are times, someone says something, a scene, or something triggers a memory and the pain makes its presences know, stabbing fiercely and I have to form my carefully contrasted numbed walls all over again. Over time my family have started to talk to me again, they stopped because they didn't want to say anything that could upset me and sent me spiralling out of control. It was very hard from them, I can tell from their minds. It was like they had lost two people instead off one. It hit Esme, Alice and Jasper hardest. The only reason Jasper found it hard was he thought he started it but I reassured him over and over that it wasn't. Also, he hates seeing Alice depressed, he feels her emotions better than he can feel anyone else's because he's so attuned to her. He also finds it hard constantly being swamped with the hate, pain and self-loathing I have which I know isn't fair on him but I can't help how I feel. I've apologized many a time for making him share my pain, he just tells me, that if I need someone to talk to that he's here to help me. I'm grateful but no amount of soothing waves from Jasper is going to change me.

Alice was heartbroken when I said we were leaving, and I'm still not sure if she'd forgiven me. She loved Bella just as much as I did; she was her best friend and her sister. She had saw much of Bella's life, some of it I didn't like or approve of, but Alice didn't care. When I told her we were leaving and she couldn't look into Bella's future anymore all she did was scream at me. She thought I was an idiot for leaving and that I was going to ruin both my life as well as Bella's because I was so stubborn and selfish. I tried to explain it was best for Bella, all she said was it wasn't and hasn't spoken to me since. Even her thoughts are guarded. We used to be as thick as thieves, now people could think we were strangers rather than siblings.

Esme felt like she lost two children, and I hated hurting her. She was like a mother to me for so long, she was practically my mother. Loosing Bella hurt her nearly as much as it hurt me. She saw, much more than anyone else, how Bella had changed me, how she made me happy, smile, like I hadn't done in a very long time before I met Bella. She saw me become more human than I'd been in a long time and my happiness made her happy. When I told her that we were leaving and never going back, she cry dry sobs because she felt like that she was loosing one of her daughters, she had welcomed Bella into the family with open arms and accepted her straight away as a daughter because she was what I wanted, now I was taking her away again and she couldn't bear it. Then, when I realised what I had done and I locked myself away, she felt like she had lost me too, I was in some zombie state, practically dead, I did nothing. I might as well have been dead, it would have been easier. Esme couldn't stand loosing one child, never mind two. She became depressed which in turn made Carlisle depressed seeing his beloved wife so lost and upset. It was a never ending circle of depression and pain.

When we moved too Alaska things began brightening up. The pain had numbed a lot and I was gaining control of numbed wall, able to hold them up now when something triggered a painful memory. I had decided that I would no longer let my stupidity and stubbornness cause my family pain because I made a grave mistake. I would always loathe myself but I would not let my family suffer along with me, especially when none of them wanted it, and none of them agreed with me. I had decided enough was enough, they had suffered with long enough and I would try to make it easier for them.

We kept up the normal façade, attending the local high school, keeping ourselves to ourselves as we always did. Over time I thought that trying to appease my family would be easier, but it only got harder and I returned to my self-loathing and depressed ways, I tried very hard, but I just couldn't do it. I continued going to school, only interacting with my family when I had too, luckily, I had most of my lessons by myself. Whenever I wasn't at school I tried to at out the house as much as possible. Even though I couldn't keep my promise and I had slipped back into my eternal depression, doesn't mean that I had to make my family suffer along with me.

Alaska is quite remote, not too many people is a country made up mostly of snow and ice so I was free to roam. Most of the time I ran; I ran around the country, across the county both width and length. Sometimes I swam, the iciness of the ocean didn't bother me at all, it just matched to coldness of my skin. I liked to stare at the stars, the night was always brilliantly clear but I could never look for long because it always remained of what Bella said about the night; that without it you'd never see the stars.

From time to time I would write a brief diary entry. Before I met Bella I always kept a journal, something to remember the passing age with because time doesn't mean much to my kind. They were incredibly private mainly containing my broodings about life and death whether we had souls or not and it little about what I'd been doing and current events at the time. But after I met Bella my entries were much more light hearted when we finally started our relationship bar for the first time I ever met, the car accident, and James. The entries were filled with all the wonderful thing I had done with Bella that day, what Bella was wearing, someone the things she said; everything about the entries was something to do with Bella. After I left I didn't write. I just didn't feel like it. At the end of the month I'd write the month on the page and repeated it every month until I finally wrote an entry. Now they are filled with pain and depression, hate and self loathing as well as a few dark broodings about life.

We regained a lot in Alaska. We were extremely dysfunctional for such a long time, only pretending to be the world's most perfect family. Esme seems happier now that she has part of me back, but I don't think she'll get over the loss of Bella and me partially. Carlisle didn't appear affected by what happened over the years, if he was he didn't show it, even in this thoughts. I'm sure he was, Carlisle is an extremely compassionate man so he would have left his share of pain and loss; probably just trying to stay strong so the rest of the family could rely on him, though we already that we could. Rosalie, well she only realised how much she actually loved Bella after we had lost her. It was quite disconcerting to have the sister who hated your girlfriend come into your room crying because she missed her so much and longed to take everything back because she finally understood and saw her reasons for hating her was flawed. But she had cheered up a bit, supporting me through my depression like any sister would. Emmett missed Bella very much, he thought she was incredibly amusing with her human ways, she was almost like the younger sister he had always wanted when he was human, in fact she was like the younger sister he always wanted and he missed the fun that they had together, but he hated to see that affect of us leaving had on me. He thought I was stupid for leaving and I had too agree with him. Emmett was the one you could always count on for a laugh, but over the years he had lost the ability but Alaska had brought the humour back out of him and things seemed much more normal. Alice and Jasper still avoided me, there was no way to make them feel any better and no matter were we went, the surrounding or the people, or shopping couldn't cheer Alice up which in turn could cheer Jasper up. At least some aspects of my family had returned which I was truly grateful for, we had all taken the leaving and then the loss hard, maybe some harder than others like me, Alice and Esme, but it was nice to regain a little normality back that my depression could touch. I was nice to be a family again.

Today my family and I are moving from Alaska for were we've been for the past decade or so to Shreveport, a town in Louisiana near New Orleans commonly known as Vampire City. Carlisle wanted us to move there for not only was there work for him at the local hospital which at least 40% of it's staff was some form of supernatural being, Carlisle was anxious for us to meet his long time friend, Eric Northman, who he met on his travels through Europe. Apparently he owns a Vampire club in Shreveport called Fangtasia.

Eric is even older than Carlisle, practically rivalling the Volturi for his age. Carlisle tells us that he is a rather powerful vampire who can fly, like I can read minds. It would be nice to know what his talent was while he was human for it to manifest into flying once he turned into a vampire. He is the sheriff of Area Five which makes him one of the Volturi's underlings which makes his potentially very dangerous. Carlisle tells us that he is a very proud vampire, who values the love and respect of his friends and would go out of his way to help them but if anyone including his friends gets on the wrong side of him the consequences are severe. Emmett also told me that he was single but an extreme lady's man and that I should get a few tips from him.

I didn't think him very funny at all. My heart will only ever belong to one person, even though she is no longer with me in any sense of the words, she was the only person I'd ever want to be with. I did think about going to the Volturi to ask them to end my life when I realized that it had been so long she had probably passed over. I wouldn't, couldn't, think or say the word dead when it came to Bella, it didn't seem right at all. But I couldn't bring myself to go I was always stopped the memory of a conversation we had when we were watching Romeo and Juliet together so many, many years ago. She told me that she couldn't be in world were I didn't exist and I told her that I couldn't be in world without her. She got angry with me when I said if and when she died that I would be soon behind her, telling me that even I something happened to her that I had to keep on living because the world needed me to exist, that I had to be or things wouldn't be the same and even now I cannot disobey her wishes, I'd do anything she asked within reason but that's not the point, she asked me to keep on existing so here I am. Existing. Barely.

The movers had already been to collect all of our furniture, the paintings, my piano which I play on occasion, I made an entire collection of symphonies about Bella which I wished she could hear from wherever she was. Everything we owned had already be packed up and sent off. All the remained was Alice's horde of clothes, everyone else's clothes and personal items would go with us in our cars. I didn't have many personal items other than my piano, a framed photo of me and Bella before her 18th birthday, a locket with a lock of her in which I managed to retrieve while she was sleeping one night, diaries and all my music.

I now stood in an empty room which held no memories worth remembering. To be honest I was glad to be going, sorrow was the only thing that filled this now empty room as all the other room I had occupied before it expect one. The sorrow was beginning to drown me; I needed to start over, before I disobeyed Bella. I needed a fresh start.

The journey to Shreveport was quite pleasant, I had my Volvo to myself, and I liked it that way. You could still smell Bella on the seats after all this time, although the thought of her not being with me depressed me, I enjoyed inhaling her scent, still like a drug to me, and reminded me of a happier time but even the happy memories depressed me sooner or later. I drove as fast as I felt along the highways and freeways and even faster on the deserted roads into Shreveport. I beat everyone to the new house. It just outside to town near a dense forest of the National Park which was quite convenient. It was large and antique with a timeless beauty to it. It had a large blocked in porch which was white like the rest of the house. It had four floors and from the structure of the house the individual rooms looked quite wide. The movers had already come and gone, putting everything in their possession in the exact place as directed by Esme. It looked like home but it didn't feel like it. I found my room immediately; it was the entirety of the fourth floor which I had asked for. My piano was there and the rest of my other possession. I unpacked my music putting them onto my shelving in the order I like them; year and then personal preference within the frame. I hung my clothes in a wardrobe that Alice would declare too small. I place my photo and locket onto the table next to the bed. I had a desk in on corner with my laptop kit on it, my sound system on a table next to my shelves of music. My piano and a sofa dominated to centre of the room. Once I finished sorting out my room I went to look at the rest of the house.

Alice's and Jasper's as well as Rose's and Emmett's room was on the second floor. The third floor consisted of Esme's and Carlisle's room as well as their offices and a small bathroom. The ground floor was the living room which held my other piano and sofas and other usual furniture item you find in the living room and the other room was the kitchen was rather big for a house full of vampires.

A kitchen and other necessary human things were needed when vampire hadn't announced themselves to the world. They were needed to keep up the human façade back then when our existence wasn't known except for a few special individuals not that we ever had many humans visit, I can actually only recall one human ever visit back when we were in hiding and we welcomed her into our family with open arms. My, haven't things changed. The Volturi thought it would be best for them to announce our existence with a global say so at a time of their choosing, I don't know why they did this, they were always one for secrecy, maybe Aro was getting a bit eccentric in his old age I don't know but life has seemed to be better now we don't have to hide. There are a few antivampire associations but thy can easily be dealt with, with the power and wealth the Volturi have. Life is good if you are a vampire.

I was standing in the centre of the hall waiting for my family. They were in their element now our existence was known; pleased they don't have to hide away. I was happy that they were happy. Maybe Shreveport was going to be different to all the other places we had lived. But none of them would be home. I found myself on my knees in the hall preying for a new beginning.

**[A/N: Chapter Two is in Edward's POV as well as the next chapter but chapter four is Bella's POV, so don't worry I haven't forgotten about her. If you want to know what the dresses Bella wore last chapter looked like there are links on my profile page as well as updates on my uncompleted work if you want to take a look. Thanks for reading guy, please review, I haven't got any yet and it make me very sad =[ I need something to brighten up my day =] Love ya all. E-M-C x ]**


	3. Eric

Eric

Edward's POV

Personally I have never met Eric but Carlisle assures us that he is a very like minded person. Carlisle told us the story of how he and Eric met. It was just after he had swum the English Channel on his way to Italy. He was passing through Switzerland and needed to hunt because he was still trying to starve even though he could sustain himself on animal without being a monster. While he was hunting he came across the scent of another vampire, so he waited in the trees to confront him. At that moment a deer ran past him and giving into instinct he pounced. Little did he know that the vampire he was waiting to confront was also attacking the same deer. Naturally they collided into making the most horrendous sound and the deer escaped.

After their little accident the vampires were ready to fight each other until the stranger fell about laughing and Carlisle joined in. The stranger apologised for frightening away his meal. Carlisle told the stranger not to worry about it there were plenty more deer in the forest for them both to get there fill. Once they were both on their feet, Carlisle extended his hand and introduced himself as Carlisle Cullen. The stranger took his hand and shook it telling him that he was Eric Northman.

They got talking after they finished their hunt and Eric invited Carlisle back to his home as Carlisle was just passing through on the way to Italy. At the time he had a temporary home in a little town named Zuoz, in the Swiss Alps not far from the border of Italy. He had a nice home, large and bright and very open. It was just on the outskirts of the town, slightly closer to the National Park that was situated close by. It was not what Carlisle was expecting at all.

Eric told Carlisle about who he was before his change. That he was a great and powerful Viking warrior who was waging a war at the time. When the battle had ceased for night fall and all the warriors had returned to their tents, a young and exquisitely beautiful woman entered Eric's tent. She seduced him into bed which wasn't hard, a sex starved warrior who needed a release and a beautiful, available woman who wanted him, how could he refuse? So they went to bed together but he didn't realise her true nature until she was riding him and went down to kiss his neck she bit him telling him nothing about what was happening to him. She left him there to go through his three days of pure hellish pain. It was only when it all subsided that he realised that his warriors had him for dead and he also realised what he was.

After his transformation he decided it would be best for him to travel, staying away from humans. He split so much blood in his human life it was like he was given a second chance to be a better man. So he began hunting animals but he found that it wasn't fully satisfying. Carlisle agreed with this, but it was a much better, more ethical way to live without feeling like a monster or actually being one. He continued telling him about his life, how he was able to control his thirst.

He told he found out his ability was flying. He was walking along the White Cliffs of Dover when a piece of ground gave way beneath him. He knew that he wouldn't die when his body hit the water. He waited for the impact of the water but the impact never came. When he finally open his eyes he saw that he was hovering on inch over the edge of the cliff. He thought he would test the act of oddness in a sudden surge of crazy impulsiveness so he push forwards to find he could fly but the lapse in concentration caused him to fall.

Over the years he gained control of his ability, learned to fly without even thinking about it, it was something that became quite natural to him although the upmost control was needed when he was with humans.

He told him about his plans. That he wanted to go to America, New Orleans specifically and start a new life there. He had no idea what he would do when he got there, what he wanted to do or anything, he just felt this irresistible pull to be in that part of the world. Naturally, Carlisle thought all of this very interesting.

Eric asked him what he was doing with his new life so he told him of all the suicide attempts and the starving and how he found out that he could live off animals so he didn't have to be a monster. He told him that he thought because he was dealt this hand he was going to do the best he could with it so he was on his way to the Universities of Italy to study medicine, etc, etc so that he could use his new, extra skills to help people. He told him he wanted to be an excellent Doctor. After he finished him studies, he didn't know what he was going to do.

Carlisle stayed with Eric for a couple of years; they each relished each others company; they had both been very lonely for so long. But Carlisle longed to be in the Universities of Italy learning so he could do good in the world and Eric wanted to be in New Orleans so they came to a mutual agreement to part but that they will always keep in touch.

Today was the day they were going to be reunited; it was quite an exciting day, especially for Carlisle and Esme as well. Esme would accept anyone into the family, he could be a mass-murderer but if he was sad and lonely she'd accept him. It's wonderful that she's so loving. The family were going over to his club Fangtasia later when it opened; apparently he had a surprise for us.

While we were waiting to go to Eric's place, Alice decided to take the girls shopping for a new outfit for tonight and she was buying us one too. At least we didn't have to endure the pain of shopping as well. Carlisle was at work for the day so it was just me, Jasper and Emmett at home. Emmett and Jasper were having a war on the latest Call of Duty; Jasper was winning because he clearly had a more superior knowledge of war tactics that Emmett. I think Emmett just like the idea of shooting at people. I decided that I was going to go up to my room. The one thing I hated most was free time. Free time meant I needed to find something to occupy my time with and when there was nothing to find then my mind would wander and I'd usually ended up thinking about something I regretted later.

I sat down on my piano bench, thinking desperately of something to do. Downstairs I could hear Emmett screeching at the TV screen because he was loosing and Jasper laughing at him. How I wished my life was as care free as theirs. As my mind wondered what it was like to have a completely carefree life, my fingers started running over the keys. I hardly noticed what I was doing; my mind was too preoccupied with trying to find a way to make my life carefree. When I finally noticed what my hands were doing, I fell off the bench; I was playing Bella's Lullaby. I said to myself that I would never play it again, it simply hurt too much. And here I was, playing it. The pain began then, tugging at the edges of my cold, dead heart. Surely it shouldn't be this painful, after all she would have had a long and happy life? I did the right thing, didn't I?

With that thought I got up and ran. I ran down stairs and out the door. I could hear Jasper think that I was a poor guy and Emmett's thoughts were pretty similar. I decided to hunt. Hunting requires no thinking, you just had to reply on your instincts and that was all. I went to Delta National Forest, it was a dismal day, and rain tipping down so not many people was around so it was alright for me to run at Vampire speed. There was anyone about in the National Forest either. There weren't many mountain lions or other interesting animals to hunt. Once I had had my fill. I sat on the bank of the lake that was there. I thought about going swimming, seeing as I needed something to do and there wasn't anyone to witness it.

So that's what I need. I stripped off to my boxers and dived in. The water was rather cold but it didn't bother me. I swam down to the depths; there were an awful lot of fish. It was peaceful and relaxing just floating in the middle of the lake under the water. I stared up at the sky, dull and grey, watching the specks of rain fall onto the lake surface. The fish didn't come very close, their natural instinct told them that I was dangerous, which was true, but it was nice to watch them swimming around from were I was. I must have been there for hours, watching the sky gradually darken and the clouds dissipate for a clear night's sky. I left the lake retrieving my clothes. That was when I smelt it. There was another vampire close by. Whoever it was their smell was so beautifully sweet, I couldn't recall smelling anything quite like it.

I tried to use my instincts and skill to track where the vampire was but I had no such look. I found a footprint in the mud; it was clearly a female footprint, small and slender. I continued to follow, trying to catch up with her but every time I got close she just disappeared. I was about to give up when I saw a flash of brown eyes and then she was completely gone. Dazed, I ran home, it was nightfall and we were all expected at Eric's club plus I wanted to tell Carlisle of my encounter with the other mysterious vampire, if indeed that's what she was.

Once I got home I was attacked by Alice who pulled me up the stairs to get ready. Apparently I had five minutes or she'd tear me apart. She had bought me a pair of jeans which were black but faded; brown shoes and a silk shirt that was a mixture of brown and gold. Jasper, Carlisle and Emmett were dressed similarly but Jasper's jeans were faded blue and his shirt was a mixture of greens, Carlisle had a blue shirt and Emmett had a black shirt with silver stripes and blue jeans. The girls were all in some form of dress. Alice was in a teal cocktail dress, Rosalie was wearing a very low-cut red dress that was pretty short too, it wasn't my taste but Emmett loved it and Esme was wearing a shiny blue dress which suited her beautifully.

We decided to only take two cars so Carlisle, Esme and I went in the Mercedes and the rest went in Rose's BMW. While in the car I told Carlisle of what happened either that evening about the vampire whom I was entirely sure was a vampire, she had a speed of a vampire, the smell of a vampire, but her eyes were brown and something about her didn't seem quite right. Carlisle thought this was all very interesting and he would ask Eric about it later and do some of his own research. That didn't make me feel any better, I felt like something big was going to happen and there was nothing going to stop it, but I didn't know what it was and I didn't like that.

I tried to lighten up; I didn't want to spoil the rest of the family's evening with my dismal mood. So I put today's earlier incident to the back of my mind and focused on having some fun for a change. It had been a long time since I had had any fun so now felt like the right time to have some. We pulled up outside the bar, it had Fangasia written is fancy, swirly neon-red lights and underneath it, it said the bar with bite. How cheesy. At the door, there was a blonde woman, dressed in all back. Carlisle spoke to her when we all reached the door,

"Pam, my dear, it's been a long time," Carlisle said, he didn't tell us that knew Pam as well.

"My, my, Carlisle, is that you? What has time done to you, you look more gorgeous than the last time I saw you," she replied with a playful smile on her lips.

"Pam, I'd like you to meet my wife, Esme…" they shook hands, from Pam's thought I could she didn't like her very much, she was hoping he'd come back for her, she had always had a massive crush on Carlisle, "…and these are my adoptive sons and daughters, Emmett and Rose, Alice and Jasper and Edward…" We all took turns in shaking her hand, as soon as she saw I was single her mind filled with lust and want, it wasn't a pretty sight, "…Eric is expecting us."

"Of course, of course, he's in his office right now. Just past the bar on the right hand side, second door," she replied with a smile as we all filed in, I tried to escape her but she caught me telling me she'd see me later and winked at me. I wasn't looking forward to that, maybe this Eric person will let me slip out back.

I caught up with the rest of my family who were waiting outside the office door. The person in the office answered Carlisle's knock with a loud come in, from his thoughts he thought it was Pam wanting him to do something else for her like sort some fighting vampires out, and that he just wanted to get on with his paperwork. We all entered the room and I shut the door behind us, the man in front of us, who was blonde, shoulder length hair and thin but muscular, still hadn't looked up to see who it was, he just spoke instead,

"Pam, how many times do I have to tell you that I'm very…" by this point he had looked up to see 6 strangers and a familiar face in his office, "…Carlisle, my goodness, look at you, it's been too long, time has been good you to I see, come in come in, take a seat."

He had risen from his chair to shake Carlisle's hand, pointing to the two chairs in front of his desk and another couple dotted around the room. When most of us were seated and Eric had sat back at his desk, he spoke again, "so, this angel here must be your delightful wife you talk so much about in your letters," he took a hold of Esme's hand and kissed it lightly.

"Yes, this is my wonderful wife Esme and these are my adoptive children, do you remember their names?

"Of course I do," he rose again and walked over the Alice who was closest, "Alice, a pleasure to meet you and your husband Jasper," he kissed Alice's hand just as he did Esme's and shook Jaspers. Then he moved over to Rose and Emmett, "this beauty must be Rosalie and her devoted husband Emmett," the same procedure followed after he spoke and then he moved over to me, he was very careful with his thoughts when he came over, like he knew that I was a mind-reading, which was very likely, but why was he shielding his thoughts from me, we had never met before and the only connection I had with him was Carlisle, so he didn't have anything to hide from me. "You must be Edward, yes, I have heard a lot about you, a lot indeed." Something about his tone of voice showed his distaste towards me, I wondered why that was, I had never met him before, and how did he know so much about me, surely Carlisle didn't talk of me that often.

"Yes I am Edward, pleasure to finally meet you," was my final reply. I put my hand out for him to shake it, which he did, his grip a little too tight, compared with the way he shook everyone else's hand.

"No, Edward, the pleasure is _entirely_ mine," his tone still bitter, I could just see the hate burning his eyes but he managed to control and it finally subsided. He finally let my hand go and returned to the desk. "It's so wonderful to finally meet all the Cullen family, if you tell Chow, the bartender who you are, all your drinks are free, I'm sorry I'm being a bit rude, I need to finish these papers and then I'll join you. The club opens in 10 minutes so you won't be alone for too long, I'm sorry about this, but it must be done." He smiled.

"I understand Eric, see you in a little while, we have much to talk about."

"Indeed we do Carlisle, indeed we do," he flashed a glare at me then smile at the rest of my family, "I will not be too long, I'm nearly finished."

We all left the office; everyone seemed quite excited about spending more time with Eric, I, on the other hand, wasn't. Maybe no-one else saw how Eric was with me, or maybe they just thought that's how he was but he didn't seem very welcoming to me, he seemed rather hostile. I had no idea why he could possibly hate me so; Carlisle has only told him good things about us. Maybe I'll confront him later about his attitude towards me.

We all sat together in one of the booths near the corner out the way; I had a clear view of the stage and dance floor. There were posters dotted around prompting the club singer, named Izzy. The posters didn't show her face, just the rest of her. She was a very beautiful woman; she had long, wavy brown hair which covered her face on the posters, she was wearing a floor length scarlet dress which was strapless that gradually flared out at her waist. It clung to her curvy body well, she was perfect proportion, it was just a shame you couldn't see her face.

The club opened the time Eric said it would. It was 8pm and the place was packed before we knew it. By the looks of things we were very lucky to actually get a seat. It grew very loud very quickly, not only from people talking but their thoughts too, though I did my best to block most of them out, though it was a little odd they all seemed to be thinking about the same person but it didn't interest me so I shut it all out. It was about ten past when Eric left his office. He flashed a smile at our table, it seemed like he was just going to ignore me now, which is what I would prefer instead of his hostility. He graceful walked up the steps of the stage, tapped the microphone to make sure it was working before he spoke,

"Friends and guests, ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I have a small piece of bad news for us all tonight," the club fell deadly silent, "most of you know our singer, Izzy, but unfortunately, tonight she cannot be with us," the room all went "ohh" in unison after he said that, "she has a special message for us though, she wants me to tell you that she cannot be with us tonight because it's her and Sam's first anniversary and they've gone out to celebrate, now most of us who know her well know she deserves every happiness so I thought we could buy them both a present, hand donations to Chow if you want to help, anyway back to the message, she also say that tomorrow she promises to be back and she will only sing your requests and do a couple of duets with some lucky people." The club all cheered and happy buzz returned to the room. "As of tonight, I'm afraid it's just the DJ, she apologizes she cannot be here and she hopes you all understand, she wishes you all a great night." And with that Eric left the stage and crossed the room to sit with us.

"I'm sorry that Izzy cannot be with us tonight, she was going to be your surprise, she is a really talented singer, she plays at lot of instruments too. I've no idea were she finds the time, not with this job and her day job. Truly remarkable."

"That's okay Eric, we were dropping over tomorrow anyway so we can meet her then," Carlisle replied, smiling.

"That would be most excellent. Would you like to know more about Izzy before you tell me what you've been doing with yourselves?" he asked the entire family.

"Oh, yes please," Alice answered before anyone else could answer, she seemed rather excited.

"Very well Alice. Me and Izzy met back in 2005, she had just moved to New Orleans from her previous home. She was turned by some old acquaintances of hers she met the previous year, she didn't want to be turned but they did it anyway. She had no idea what she was going to do after she woke up alone in the forest, her remaining family wouldn't accept her or she was afraid of killing them so she left to come here, Vampire Central. At this time I'm sure you know vampires hadn't announced themselves to the world so we had our own secret clubs; at one of theses is where I met her. I was actually trying to seduce her; she is a very beautiful young lady, but she slapped me, which was something that had never happened to me, I usually get what I want. So, I followed her and I found her outside in a heap, crying tearless sobs. I picked her off the floor and carried her to my home. She explained to me all that had happened to her in her human life, how tragic it all was and she had no idea what to do. I cared for her for a few years, until she was strong enough to pick herself up from the ground and her pain had subsided to the point it was only the memories that tore at her heart.

I helped her with money because she none. She began like my daughter and one of my best friends. She tells me what without me she probably would have ended up begging the Volturi for death, and the way she was when I first met her I believe it to be true. We picked her a house out in Bon Temps, paid for her College tuition. She owns a book store down there now, last year she had a couple of book signings and she's expecting a couple more in the next few weeks. Her friend from her previous still comes and visits, he a Were I believe. Then a year ago today, naturally she started dating Sam. In a way Sam saved her, he brought her back to life from her haunting past and showed her she was capable of love again. Sam was the best thing to happen to Izzy and she is the best thing to happen to this place, I'm ever so grateful I met her.

I asked Izzy to be my singer here because I knew she could sing. She never thought she could, she never thought she was good at anything in fact, a side affect of her tragic past. But I asked her and she agreed. I told her if she didn't want to do it after a night that was fine. The first night she sang was sensational, and business has never been better after. Izzy had come leaps and bounds; she has grown more confident and gained some of her self-esteem back.

I mentioned she plays many instruments which she does; she plays harp, guitar, drums on occasion and various others. I once bought her a piano; if any of you are musical you would know that the harp and piano are very similar. I had it put on the stage; it was a beautiful black piano forte. I had her bind folded so it was a surprise. We stopped right next to it on the stage, when I released the bind fold she looked at it for half a minute before picking it up, throwing it across the room into the empty space near the entrance and ran out. The piano was destroyed naturally. I asked her about it, but she didn't want to talk about, I assume it's got something to do with her past.

She is a wonderful person. When I met her, she was incredibly shy and had no self worth but she was compassionate about others, always putting them first, sweet, funny, kind, very intelligent, and quite stubborn and had a lot of self control for someone so young. She pretty much the same now, expect she's actually happy, less shy, with more self worth and self esteem. I'm sure you've see the poster so I don't have to tell you what she looks like. That's about it really."

The entire family looked shocked. Esme looked very upset, she hated that this poor girl had to go through all of this by herself and that whatever happened in her past made her so miserable and in pain. Esme couldn't bear that. The rest of the family looked awed, none of them had to go it along, expect Alice, so she was the only person who could truly empathise. They were all wondering what had happened in this girl's past to cause such a lasting affect like that. I was wondering the same thing too, but nobody wanted to ask.

Silence dragged on between us all until Carlisle finally spoke, his inquisitive nature taking over, "do she have any powers, like you?"

"Interesting question, in fact she does, I can't believe I missed them out."

"Them?" Carlisle interrupted intrigued she had more than one.

"Yes, she has three. She's a shield which means Alice wouldn't be able to pick up her future or Jasper wouldn't be able to manipulate her emotions, for this she's been offered a place on the Volturi guard a few time but always declined. She also is completely immune to human blood, not bothered by it all, no burning sensation, nothing, which means her eyes never changed colour and she is also immensely strong, stronger than any newborn. I told you about the piano, if she wanted to she could have thrown it and it would have taken out that entire side of my club."

"Look's like you have someone to challenge to an arm-wrestle then Emmett," Alice giggled.

"Indeed, I'll have to do that."

"So, Carlisle, what brings you to my neck of the woods? And what you been doing all this time?"

Carlisle told him about what he had been doing what he since they last meet which was before he had even created me. He told him how we all came to be a family. He shared the stories of our lives, about who we were before our transformation, and who we were after. Jasper shared some of his war stories. Alice explained about her being a mental institute and was changed by a worker there who left her to fend for herself. Even Rosalie shared her story which I was surprised at and she told him of Emmett's too. Carlisle had already shared mine, not that Eric seemed very interested by it. Carlisle told him of all the places the family had moved too, which ones were our favourites. We shared our thoughts on what it was like not to hide anymore. The conversation lasted hours and hours. Every now and again the couple would dance to a few songs. I got asked by a few of the single ladies in the bar but declined them all even though sitting with Eric who look like he was trying his best not to kill me wasn't much fun. The blood kept on coming by Eric's orders, though I prefer blood straight from the source, the TrueBlood wasn't half bad.

It was closing time before we knew it and we all bid our farewell. I got the same tight gripped handshake as I did before but that was about it, no glare. The rest of the family got hugs and the ladies got kisses on the hand as he did when we first met him. Carlisle was the last person to bid farewell. They shook hands before hugging, it would have been quite touching if Eric had a nicer personality or explained his distaste towards me.

Tomorrow we had High School which was going to be rather interesting. Although we didn't need to go, it gave us something to do and it was quite fun ruling the school. When we got home and we all departed to our own parts of the house, I went to my room with three questions on my mind.

1. Who and what was the supernatural being I saw this morning?

2. Who really was Izzy?

3. Why did Eric hate me so?

**[A/N: So… a bit of a cliff-hanger at the end for all you lovelies to think about while I write the next chapter. Hoped you like it. The next chapter is Bella's POV, so that something to look forward to. Erm… please review, I only have one ********. I'll try and update soon. THANKS TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ADDED THIS STORY TO ALERTS, FAVOURITES OR ADDED ME TO ALERTS OR FAVOURITE OR REVIEW… YOU ALL ROCK!!!! Love E-M-C x]**


	4. Anniversary

Anniversary

Bella's POV

Today was mine and Sam's first anniversary. And what a fantastic year it was. My life has been utter bliss since that disastrous date we had. Sam was more than true to his word. I let him love me and it was the best thing I ever did. He brought me back to life, he showed me that I was capable of loving, that I wasn't broken or beyond repair, just lost and he brought me home.

I wasn't sure at first, whether I could trust my heart or not or whether I would end up broken and alone again. The first month was difficult; I still didn't believe that I was worth loving, not after what happen with _him. _Sam was constantly reminding me how much he cared and that I was worth it and he would never in a million years leave me. I wanted to believe him with all of my heart, but how could I after happened to me, after what _he_ did to me, I just couldn't. I had been living my damaged existence for so long I had got used to the fact that things weren't going to change ever, I had grown used to the fact that I just wasn't good enough for anyone and that no-one in their right mind would pay any for of attention to me never mind loving me.

But Sam proved me wrong.

The day I told Eric about me and Sam I decided that I wasn't going to let my past ruin my present or my future. I was going to enjoy my time with Sam and not worry about anything, he loved me and I loved him, what more needed there to be? That night after I had finished my singing at the bar, I let him love me in all kinds of way, if you catch my drift and I loved him all kinds of way back.

The following months were the best months of my entire existence, and I truly meant it. Sam was the perfect boyfriend; he picked me up from work, he took days off just so he could cook me dinner, though I didn't actually need to eat it, I just _wanted _to eat it, after all he did cook it, sometime I swore that he forgot that I was vampire and not human; he bought me flowers and other little gifts; everything I never had; everything I always wanted. We went places together and not just Merlotte's on his day off, we went to the movies together, shopping although neither of us thoroughly enjoyed it but it was nice to treat ourselves to some new things, we went ice-skating and bowling, just even going out for a walk talking about everything that came into our heads, everything we did together had some air of magic to it, every time was something special because Sam always made it that way.

Every day Sam would always tell me that he loved me, at least five times a day. Sometimes he'd just come out with "Have I told you that I love you, today?" Even if he had I would always say "no" and smile at him and would usually reply, "Well then, Miss Isabella Swan, I love you." I'd laugh at him and reply "As I love you Sam Merlotte, as I love you." He'd tell me I was beautiful too, no matter what I looked like, one time when he stayed over that night, I 'woke up' next to him and my hair was sticking out all over the place, wearing a pair of old sweats and a tank top and he was staring at me, I asked him what he was staring at and he told me he was staring at me because I was so beautiful, I laughed and he told me that he was being serious.

One time we were out walking, the weather was fine in the morning, a little sunny and not too windy but the weather grew incredibly cold, Sam knew I wouldn't get cold but he still insisted on me wearing his jacket so I took it graciously, I didn't want to complain or spoil the moment. We continued walking, just chatting. We were walking down a tree lined path by a lake when it started to rain. Sam, who was holding my hand, pulled me under the nearest tree. We were laughing, I was laughing at him for being so silly and he was laughing because I was laughing. Before we knew it, I had my back against the trunk of the tree with his hands pressed against it. He had a very devilish smile on his lips and look in his eyes, I tried to get around him, but his arms stayed firmly next to my shoulders, palms against the tree. He moved closer to me, the mischievous look still in his eyes. Then, he kissed me. In the rain. I had always wanted to be kissed in the rain, a sort of stupid teenage fantasy I had so many years ago which I thought never would come true. And Sam made the impossible happen yet again.

He kissed me with passion, our bodies pressed tightly together as I kissed back. Nothing had meaning in that moment, the only two things that seemed to exist was me and Sam, together in each other arms, he looked at me like I was only girl in the entire world and I loved it. The rain stopped soon after, like he had especially ordered rain just so he could kiss me in it.

About seven months in we had an argument, I can't remember what it was about, something very minor and really quite pathetic but we were arguing about it all the same. I got really mad and started shouting and swearing at him, I even slammed the door in his face but he came in and told me that he loved me, that I could get as mad at him as I wanted but he would still love me and he wasn't going to go anywhere. That was before he kissed me. How could I have stayed mad at him after that? He was too wonderful for his own good. After our fight he had to leave for work and so did I. I opened my purse to get my car keys out of it and I found a slip of paper which said "You look so beautiful when you are angry." I couldn't help but smile. The notes became sort of a frequent thing, every now and again I'd find on in random places like my sock draw or underneath a bottle of bleach, each one truly special; I saved each one of them.

The year had been a remarkable one, filled with special, magnificent memories that would last forever and would forever remain in m heart. Sam made my life worth living and I was truly thankful for everything he had done for me. I loved him with all my heart and all my soul, if I had one, which we both believed I did. He was my life now.

I had to open the book store today because I was expecting my regulars and I didn't want to let them down because I wasn't open. I stepped out of my Ford Mustang (my truck had died decades ago) which I had parked in my little customer car park around the back. I was looking for my door keys so I walked straight into the person at my door. I looked up quite shocked to find that my friend Amelia was standing at my door. I asked her why she was here. All she did was smile and hand me an envelope. Curious, I opened it there and then to find inside a letter. It read,

"My dearest Bella,

Today as you know is our first anniversary and I wanted to surprise you. You are not working today, I've asked Amelia to run the shop for you and I've got Terry Bellefleur in to run Merlotte's for me. I want you to come home now; I've a surprise for you.

I love you with all my heart and soul.

Sam x"

If I was human my heart would have danced and my eyes would have welled up with tears, and right then I wished I was, more than any other time in my existence. I looked at Amelia with the broadest grin on my face before hugging her then skipping back to my car.

I felt ecstatic. I was never really one for surprises or attention but Sam had changed that about me; I just couldn't wait to get home and see what he was doing for me. I drove faster than I should have but I didn't care. Having to drive home was making me impatient, I kept wondering why my power couldn't have been teleportation, that would actually be useful unlike extreme strength, I don't get into many fights.

Finally I was driving up the little gravel drive of my home. Sitting on the porch with the biggest, cheekiest grin on hid face was my Sam. I got out my car, shaking my head, smiling from ear to ear.

"Sam, what have you done?" I asked when I reached him on the doorstep.

"It's surprise." He rose from the step and kissed me on my cheek. He then blindfolded me, taking my hand leading me into the house. He removed my blindfold in the hall for me to find a trail of rose petals across the floor. I turned to him and smiled before following the path of petals. They lead up the stairs and split into different paths by each path was a number telling me were to go. The first let to the bathroom. There I found a freshly made up bath with floating candles in it. Amelia must have called Sam to tell him I was on the way home so he could do this.

I turned around to see if he was there and he was right behind me smiling at me. I tip-toed so I could reach to kiss his lips softly, then I looked into his eyes and smiled.

"Sam, this is wonderful." I spoke in awe.

"Only the best for you, my love" he answered with a smile.

"Will you join me?" I asked quite sheepishly though I don't know why.

"If that's what you wish?" he asked, trying to suppress a giggle.

"Of course I wish it."

He smiled and closed the gap between us, running his finger through my hair and over my cheek. They finally reached their destination and began carefully undoing the buttons of my blouse as I carefully undid the buttons on his shirt.

After we had finally finished undress each other, Sam picked me up and climbed into the bath. The water was just right not too hot, not too cold. Sam sat behind me and massaged my shoulders. It felt so nice and relaxing to have his soft, warm hands pressing against my cold, hard shoulders releasing all of the aches, pains and stress from my shoulders.

When he had finished massaging my back I just laid there in his arms. I closed my eyes feeling in utter peace. I could tell he was watching me as I lay there; no doubt he was probably smiling. When I opened my eyes I looked into his beautiful face, all of his features gleaming with happiness. I arched myself so that I could kiss him upside down; I looked into his eyes and smiled before I asked him if he'd mind washing me. He replied anything for you darling.

He got the shower gel, putting some on a sponge and slowly began circular motions on my back and ran the sponge smoothly over my arms. Then he leaned forward wrapping his arms around me so he could wash my chest, stomach and thigh. Once he had finished I turned myself around so I was facing forward, I kissed his cheek and stole the sponge.

I put some more shower gel onto the sponge and began washing his chest as my other hand traced patterns on his shoulders, he just smiled. I asked him to lean forwards so I could wash back, of course he complied, anything to make me happy. As I carefully rubbed his back he kissed my shoulder, it tickled slightly, the warmth of his skin, it made me giggle, so he kept on doing it.

When we had finally finished in the bath, we slipped on our bathrobes and I began to follow the next line of rose petals. The line led into the spare bedroom. The door was shut so I turned to Sam who was right behind; he just nodded. On the bed was my favourite pair of baggy jean I loved so much and my worn-out Muse t-shirt. At the foot of the bed were my fluffy slippers. I turned, smiled and then got dressed, under my Muse shirt was a slip of paper, which read, "Go back to the top of the stairs."

Sure enough, at the top of the stairs was a number three to tell me to follow that trail down the stairs. In the kitchen I found Sam, I crossed the room to him and whispered in his ear, "I like trail three, it led me to you."

"You already had me, love." He turned to me smiling, before leaning down to kiss me.

When we finally parted from our kiss, I saw that behind him was a tray of drinks, two for me and one for him, something for him to eat as it was lunchtime and a little vase with a single white rose in. I asked him what we were doing now; he told me we were going to watch my favourite DVDs until about three then we were going out somewhere nice, so I had to ring Eric before opening to tell him I wasn't going to be there.

Then, before I knew it, he had picked me up, carrying me over his shoulder to the sofa, placing the tray down then sitting down, placing me on his lap so that I could see both the TV and stare up at his face if I wanted to, something I often did, he was quite a handsome man. Sam pressed play on the remote and Romeo and Juliet started playing. Romeo and Juliet had always been one of my favourite films and books; there was something magical about the way Shakespeare wrote it. It also brought back some painful memories which I tired my hardest to suppress. My Romeo left me, now I have Paris, who turned out to be everything I had ever wanted, well almost. I tried my best not to tell Sam how much it hurt when he whispered Romeo's lines in my ear; I couldn't stop that memory flooding back. Instead I just smiled; I didn't want Sam to hurt with me.

When the film finished, I tried to scramble off the sofa to change the DVD but Sam held me fast. He asked me not to move. I stayed in his lap, staring up at his face which had a mischievous grin on his face. Suddenly, I heard the TV and Pride and Prejudice playing.

"How did you do that? You haven't even moved," I asked him really rather confused

"Happy Anniversary, it's one of your presents, it's a new DVD player, one of those high tech thing were you can put more than one DVD and it switches round and has load of other extras."

"Aww, thanks, I was thinking about getting one of those, so you mean there's more to my present?" I asked, hoping that he would slip up and tell me what it was.

"Yes, but I'm not telling you what it is."

"Sam, you Meany," I said, pretending to sulk.

"You'll find out soon enough," he said as he bent down to kiss me before settling into the movie.

As we watched he whispered Mr Darcy's lines to me, it was quite odd hearing Mr Darcy's lines in Sam's voice. But, it was oddly peaceful. I enjoyed the film more than I usually did; maybe the sound of Sam's voice made it more enjoyable or the atmosphere he created made it so, but the movie as magical than usual. After the movie had finished, we stayed there for a while, both completely relaxed in each others arms. He told me that I was beautiful, even in baggy jean and an old Muse t-shirt. I just laughed at him, I always thought he was absurd when he said stuff like that, but he always insisted he was telling the God's honest truth. This always made me smile. He traced patterns on my cheek with his fingers and across my arms, along my waist, which made me giggle. Although I had incredibly stone-hard skin, it was incredible sensitive as well, like in my human life, so I, unfortunately, was extremely ticklish.

When it got to about three in the afternoon Sam told me that we had to move because we had somewhere to be later, he wouldn't tell me where exactly where, just that it was in Dallas. I pouted but I didn't make a fuss, I got up turned to him and smiled before following the next trail of rose petals back up the stairs. But this time they led into my bedroom.

Upon my bed was a dress, a beautiful purple dress, (purple seemed to be Sam's new favourite colour after that night in the club), which was floor length at the back but seemed to come up in a V shape at the front to about the middle of my thigh, it was also a halter neck which was silver and jewelled. I had never seen it before so I assumed that Sam had bought it for me for this occasion. I tugged my jeans and tee off, pulling of a pair of tights and slipping on the dress. I put on a little make-up although neither of us liked it, Sam thought it covered up my natural beauty; I on the other hand just didn't like wearing it much. I curled my hair into tight, little ringlets that cascaded down my back.

Once I was finished getting ready, I placed my cell, purse and make-up into my bag and went down the stairs. Standing at the bottom, in tux, was Sam, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. He told me that he knew he made the right decision buying that dress. I smiled as he told my hand and walked me to the car. He opened the door for me and closed the door behind him. And then we were on our way for another part of my Anniversary surprise. It took three and a half hours to get to Dallas, and it was four in the afternoon when we left. We had to make a quick stop at my favourite National Forest so I could hunt. Granted that the synthetic quenched the thirst but it isn't half boring, luckily Sam understood this need for a bit of excitement in the hunt, after all he was a shifter.

Sam said that he'd wait in the car for me. I was going to try and make it quick; I really wanted to know what my surprise was plus I wasn't really dress for it. I headed straight for my favourite part by the lake, it was an amazing view, and let me tell you, I'd seen some pretty awesome views. I often came here to hunt or when I needed to think. I was getting into the hunting, I could hear and smell deer nearby so I followed my instincts and ran after them. I caught and killed one and was about to take down a second when I stopped dead in my tracks. I smelt something that wasn't human or animal, it was vampire. I thought I knew all the Shreveport vampires but this scent was new and... intoxicating. I had never smelt something so sweet or delicious ever. Not even _his_ scent was this beautiful.

That was when I realized he was chasing me, I could tell it was a man by the heaviness of his steps. I did the only think that I could think of at the time, which was run. I didn't really want a confrontation yet, I'd ask Eric about it when I was next at work. I kept on running, doing a massive loop round making my way back to Sam and the car. I thought he had stopped, so I pause to get my thinking straight but I saw a flash of bronze and gold and then I fled.

I made it to the car park without being seen or attacked so I thought I did well. On approach to the car I calmed myself; I didn't want Sam to worry. I would consult Eric on the matter later. I smiled at Sam as I got back in the car. He asked me how my hunt was, I told him that it was like every other hunt. He smiled, taking a hold of my hand as we drove off.

The rest of the drive was quiet. I was thinking of the mysterious, new vampire that had chased me through the forest. I think Sam could tell something was bothering me so he didn't say anything for the rest of the journey. The silence between us was getting almost unbearable so I finally spoke,

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise, are you ok, love, you seem very quiet even since you finished your hunt. You can tell me anything, love, you don't have to keep anything inside anymore. I'm here; always."

"I know that, I, erm, came across another vampire. One I wasn't familiar with and he chased after me. I was just wondering if Eric knew of it or not"

"We'll go and see him on our way home since we have to pass through Shreveport, the sooner he knows the better. You don't have to worry about it love. Now, let's enjoy our Anniversary." he smiled brightly at the end of his small speech and I couldn't help put smile brightly back.

Our normal chatter resumed, I asked him if he had bought me something for our anniversary but he just kept telling me it was a secret. I wad going to give him my present during dinner. I'd bought him a few DVDs he had wanted for a while. I had placed them of some newly put up shelves in my room. I was planning on giving him a key to the house so he could move in with me. I had already condensed my clothes from the closet and drawers so he had space to put them. I'd tidied the bathroom so he could have some space in there too. I was hoping he'd say yes, though I wasn't forcing him if he didn't. I really wanted to say yes.

We finally arrived at the restaurant on Dallas, I rang Eric to tell him I wouldn't be in before we got there. It was quite small, with cast iron railings that ran up next to the few steps that went to the entrance. The railings were decorated with real and iron roses, it was rather interesting and pretty. The real rose had grown all the way up the building. The restaurant was called The Rose Bush, which suited it perfectly.

Inside was just as beautiful as the outside. It wad quite small, with only about ten to twelve tables. On each table there was a little vase of roses in various colours. The lighting was sort of dreamy, not bright hanging down from chandeliers. Sam slid my coat off my shoulders as I stared around in awe. One of the waiters came up to us, or should I say waitress as she was female, and making googly eyes at Sam. I was quite funny to watch as Sam only tore his eyes from me to ask her for a table for two, somewhere private. She didn't look too happy about that but I thought it was quite amusing. She seated us, Sam pulled my chair out for me as I sat, just like a gentleman then took the seat opposite me. Lucinda said she would be back in a minute to take our order.

Naturally I don't eat but tonight because it was our anniversary I was going to make an exception. I order a salad for starter, spaghetti carbonarta for main and a glass of red wine. Lucinda thought I was nuts when I ordered food. Sam had some soup for starter then a steak for his main and a beer.

As we waited for our food to arrive we talked and I decided to give him my main present.

"Sam, I have something to give you." I said in a small voice, still unsure whether this was the right thing to do.

"Do you? Is it one of my anniversary presents?" he asked quite excited.

"Yes it is, I have been thinking about giving you this for a while and I thought this would be the perfect time to give it to you. It also comes with a question and I'm hoping you will say yes."

"Well let's see it then," seeming to be impatient.

I took from my purse a small, purple, velvet box and placed it on the table. He stared at it for a moment then at me. If I was human I would have flushed red. I slowly pushed the box from one side of the table to the other, all the time our eyes fixed on each other. Sam finally broke our gaze to stare down at the box that was now in front of him. He glanced up at me before picking up the box and opening it. His whole body relaxed once he had opened it. He carefully lifted out the keys that lay inside it.

"I was wondering, if you would possibly, like to move in, with, me." I asked in a very small voice, not sure if I had made the right decision or not.

Sam had a grin spreading from one side of his face to the other as he spoke, "Yes, of course I'll move in with you. Oh, Bella you've made me the happiest man in the world, yes, yes, a thousand times yes. But, I feel that you have completely outdone me, I'm just sorry I didn't get you something as perfect as this."

"Sam I have you, nothing can be more perfect than that, plus you said yes so I'm now the happiest woman in the world. Thank you, so very much."

"Would it be ok if I gave you your presents now?" he asked, sounding a little upset.

"Yes that would be nice," I said with a smile.

He opened his jacket to take out an envelope and a flat box. He passed me the flat box first. I was hesitant but he told me to go on. Inside the box was the most exquisite diamond necklace and earrings. This must have been the reason he had asked me not to wear jewellery. I asked him to put the necklace on which he did and kiss my shoulder softly once he had clipped the fastener before sitting back down. I placed my earrings in and was about to open the envelope when Sam interrupted me,

"I'm not sure if this one was a good idea or not but I hope you like it."

I smiled, "I'm sure I will," and with that I opened it. Inside were two plane tickets to Seattle so we could to La Push and visit the Pack. I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. I hadn't been back home for such a long time and in s way I sort of missed it. It would make a nice change and surprise to go see Jake and the rest of the wolf pack instead of him coming to see me. But on the other hand I had a lot of bad good memories there that I didn't want to drag up after all this time and I was finally happy. But how I did miss the Pack.

Sam watched the play of emotions across my face trying to work out whether he did the right thing or not, he finally settled with it was wrong and began to apologise for buying them and upsetting me and that he would take them back and get a refund and we'd go somewhere else instead. I rose from my chair closely followed by him. I had a feeling he was thinking I was about to leave but I closed the distance between us and kissed his passionately. I thanked him telling him it was a wonderful gift and that he was just as wonderful and that I would love to go to La Push to surprise the Pack. It was a great idea I told him, but as long as he was going with me. He simply replied, "Do you think I would really let you go on your own?" We both laughed at that and returned to our seats.

Our meals arrived, Sam thought that his was delicious, to me it tasted like eating dirt but I did it for Sam nevertheless. We talked about when we were going to move Sam's things over to my house after we decided that my house was so much better than his house. We also decided that we should rent out Sam's house, not because we needed the money, I just thought it would be a good idea, in case family have an extended stay and the such like. We decided that we were going to go over to his place tomorrow before he started work, I was sure Amelia wouldn't mind me imposing on her kindness for just one more day; I'm sure she would have understood. We decided that we would pack the things he'd want and need together. I'd take them back to my place; soon to be ours, then unpack the things like his clothes, his bathroom things and the things he wanted to keep from his kitchen and we would do the more personal things together when he got home.

For desert, we shared one called Lover's Paradise which was very chocolaty and strawberry with ice-cream and a warm chocolate sauce; surprising I actually thought it was quite nice as did Sam. Once we had finished, Sam settled the bill despite a small argument from me, I offered to go halves but he refused saying that he was treating me and that was the end of the matter. I didn't want to have a full blown argument with him so I let it slide, I would just get him back later.

We left the restaurant, I thought we were going home, but Sam was one surprise after another. Instead of going to the car, he took my hand and we walked down the street around the corner into the first door. It was a nightclub for Supernaturals, which wasn't what I was expecting.

"Sam, why are we here?" I asked quiet nervously.

"We are going to dance, that's why we are here," he replied with a grin on his face.

And then he took me in his arms and we danced and danced and danced. We were there for hours dancing to ever type of music they played. I never had so much fun in my life or danced so much either. Sam seemed thrilled I had so much fun. We laughed all the way back to the car where he opened the door for me again and shut it behind him. The drive back was fun, we laughed and joked, it seemed so much shorter on the way back than it did on the way there and I wished it lasted longer but before I knew it we were pulling into the familiar parking lot of Fangtasia.

Sam got out the car to open the door for me. I stepped out of the car, took Sam's hand and work to the entrance of the club. Inches from the door I froze seeing a collection of all too familiar faces. I didn't say anything to Sam but hurried us inside and quickly found Eric in his office.

"Bella, darling I didn't expect to see you here tonight, how was your evening?" he said with a smile when he noticed us.

"Fabulous Eric, but would you like to tell me why I saw the _Cullens_ leaving _your _bar?"

**[A/N: So, a cliff-hanger for you. Hope you liked the chapter, hopefully update soon. Thanks for reading, hope you review. E-M-C x ]**


	5. First Sight

First Sight

Bella's POV

Sam stood there, staring at Eric in shock as I waited for my answer. Sam knew all about the Cullens and how one in particular broke my heart and soul. His expressions on his face went from confused to livid in a matter of seconds.

"It's not what it seems Bella, let me explain. I should have told you long ago, when you first told me of the Cullens. I met Carlisle years ago when he was first travelling through Europe to Italy. We've been good friends ever since and we've kept in touch by mail. I was as surprised as you were when you saw them except I got a phone call out of the blue saying that they were coming. And I'm afraid I have bad news, they all have moved to Shreveport. Luckily, they do not know that you are here and nor do they know that I know about you and your past with them. In fact they think you are dead, they spoke of you briefly. They came here to my club tonight to meet me and I was very nice to them apart from him, I tried not to acknowledge the fact he was there and when I did I only scowled at him. I dislike this situation as much as you do Bella, but Carlisle is my friend and I value my friends dearly. We will get through this, we will think of a way."

"You should have told me. You should have said that you knew them. Do have any idea how this makes me feel. I feel betrayed Eric, that I told everything about me and my past and you didn't have the decency to tell me you knew them or knew of them. How could you Eric. You have to send them away. You have to; I won't be in the same place as them. I just won't, I don't care how close you are, you know the pain they caused me, I won't do it. And don't you even think I'm joking, I will leave and you will have to find yourself another singer and I can guarantee you that you won't because the boots I'll be leaving are too big to fill."

"Please, Bella, be reasonable. Surely we can all stay in the same place. I know you will never forgive him for what he did, but do the others deserve your punishment, surely they will be thrilled to see you and Sam. Think of all the things you have to catch up on. Think of Alice and Emmett and Esme. And I know Jasper has something he wishes to say, but as he thinks you dead, he says he can't. Think of the shock you'll bring and the happiness you'll leave behind. Bella, they miss you. Please, be reasonable."

"I don't want to see him. He may come into the club tomorrow, but after that I want him barred and I want Pam to escort me to my car every night. I don't want him near me and I don't want him to know where I live. I thought I was rid of him, I guess I wasn't so lucky."

"I'm so sorry Bella, can you ever forgive me?"

"Maybe, Eric, in time." I sighed, "Well, I will see you tomorrow; it's going to be one hell of a day."

"Don't worry about it, I'll think of something."

And with that we left. I had to pull Sam out behind me as he was frozen in anger and shock. I pushed him into the passenger seat and drove us home. The ride home was very quiet, neither of us speaking a word for the half an hour journey. Finally we were pulling into my familiar driveway and I couldn't stand the silence any longer after we stepped out the car.

"Nothing ever goes to plan, does it?"

"Well, you know what they say about best laid plans."

I had to giggle at that, "I had a wonderful, magical time tonight Sam, despite everything that just happened."

"I had a fantastic time tonight too, Bella, my beautiful, sweet Bella."

"The night isn't over yet, my lover."

"No, I believe it's not."

Sam picked me up bridal style, unlocked the door and carried me through the house, up the stairs and laid me on my, soon to be our, bed. He had passion in his eyes, burning away, eating at his soul and his heart was roaring like a lion. His arms held me with want and need as he lips began to kiss every inch of bear skin with the same want and need. I moaned and sighed happily as his lips roamed my skin and his hands began to remove his purple gift from my body. For a moment he stared into my eyes, and his eyes reflected my own eyes passion burning in the deep brown, turning them almost bronze and the want of his body and the need for his love. My fingers began to unbutton his shirt and the want in his eyes flared as if he couldn't stand it any longer.

Let's just say that we weren't going to be forgetting the night in a hurry, if you know what I mean.

I 'woke up' in the morning to find Sam gone. Instead there was a note left on the pillow; it read

"My Sexy, Sugar-sweet Bella,

I've just gone to see Terry Bellefleur about last night and pick up some cardboard boxes for moving. I left at 9am so hopefully I'll be back before get up, but if I'm not here to tell you myself, last night was beyond words and I love you so much.

Sam x"

Just as I finished reading the note I heard the front door shut. I jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs, tripping on the last step straight into Sam's arms. Unfortunately, vampirism had completely erased my klutziness. Sam laughed a little before picking me up so my lips reached his and he kissed me, passionately, but less passion than last night, maybe he was trying to restrain himself I thought. This turned out to be right,

"I'm sorry, I should learn to control myself, it's just you are so desirable, I find I want you every time I look at you."

I grinned at him, "I think you'll find you are the desirable one, but just in case, I think you'd better stay down here while take a shower and put some clothes on."

"Aww, ok, if you think its best," he pouted then smiled, "I'll wait for you down here."

I smiled and ran back upstairs. I had a quick shower, I wanted to be with Sam, make the moving in official and final. I skipped back to the bedroom, pulling on my underwear as I decided what clothes to wear. I finally decided on a pair of skinny, dark blue jean and purple, green and black button-up shirt. I ran back down the stair, slipped on my Chucks and took Sam's hand and pulled him out the door.

We took our own cars so we had plenty of room to put all of Sam's things. He lived in a small detached house at the back of Merlotte's. He made it into a wonderful home with his own little porch and little front garden, it was perfect if you were living alone. Inside we set the boxes down while we planned on which bits we were going to do. I started out with his clothes while he collected all his personal and sentimental valuables. I started in the closet folding up everything neatly but trying to get as much into the box as possible. After a while I began to sing, I had a CD at home which was called "Songs To Sing While You Work", I knew all the songs on it so I sang some of those. I moved onto the drawers, putting socks and boxers on top of the boxers because they were easy to squash in. I managed to fit all into three large boxes. I turned around to take them to my car when I screamed, Sam was standing in the door laughing at me, he scared me half to death. He laughed even more when he saw my expression. After a moment I began laughing too. He had finished all his personal and sentimental things and he had also packed up the things he wanted from the kitchen, the bathroom, the garden and other little things like plants and the hoover (mine was really rubbish). The only things left to do were the living and check we got everything.

Sam helped me carry the boxes to the car, not that I needed any help, but it was nice he did. We went back into the living room and sat on the sofa. We decided to switch TVs because his was bigger than mine, and we decided to take his lamp because I thought it was very pretty and the rug, the coffee table and the some of the art work. I waited for Sam in the lounge while he checked that he had everything he wanted to take with him. A few minutes later he returned smiling, "let's go make our home," he said.

I smiled and we left, driving back to our place. Sam beat me home with a smile on his face. We loaded all the boxes into the living room and grouped the boxes by room. Sam had to leave after that to go to work, he kissed me and told me he loved me before he left and then I set to work. I took all the boxes for the bedroom and the bathroom upstairs. I unpacked all his clothes and placed what I found hanging up in the closet and what I found in the drawers back into drawers. I put the things that belonged in the bathroom into the bathroom, like his toothbrush and shower gel, things like that. I went back down stairs and unloaded the things Sam had packed away from his kitchen and placed them in ours. There was little else I could do after that, the rest of the things I either wanted to do together or Sam to do by himself. I still had a couple of hours before I had to leave for Fangtasia so I pulled out the book I was reading from the bookshelf and sat down in my favourite, comfy chair and began where I left off.

I didn't get much time for reading any more, not when I was working full-time at my book store from 9am until 6pm then working at Fangtasia from 8pm to 4am. And then the time I didn't spend working I was spending time with Sam. It was nice to have a little "me" time for a change. I was reading Wuthering Heights again, it had always been my favourite book but I had to buy a new copy because my old one had been read too much but I kept it all the same for sentimental reasons.

It got to 7pm and I decided it was time to get ready. I went upstairs and brushed my teeth, washed my face and brushed my hair. I pulled a light jacket that I got my closet and jumped in the car after locking up. I didn't need to dress up because Pam did that for me. I didn't rush the journey to Shreveport; it wasn't like there were many cars on the interstate but I still took it slow, I already knew what I was going to have to face that night and it wasn't going to be much fun.

I made it to Fangtasia with about ten minutes before opening and when I got there Pam pounced on me like a lion and dragged me to the dressing room. Luckily she was able to work her magic in less than ten minutes and I was in a pale pink dress that was mid-thigh and strapless with hot pink and silver flowers embroidered on it, she did my hair up because when the Cullen's knew me I always wore my hair down. I could hear Eric on stage as I finished strapping up my shoes,

"Guests and friends, ladies and gentlemen, I am honoured and proud to introduce to you someone who to be honest, needs no introduction, I give you, Izzy!"

And with that I stepped on stage, smiling a fake smile, one I hadn't worn in years, I didn't want to do this, not with them there. I could feel there presence but made no attempt to look for them. I didn't want too be there. Still I had promised and so there I was.

"Hey, y'all, I'm sorry I was here yesterday but as you may or may not know it was mine and Sam first anniversary yesterday," cue the awws and stuff, "and he took me to Dallas to celebrate, and yes we had a fantastic night. Now I promised you I'd play requests and I've heard you've all been quite busy so, let's get this show on the road."

I pulled a slip of paper out of a hat with the name of a song on it, Bad Things by Jace Everett.

"First up tonight is Bad Things by Jace Everett,

I wanna do bad things with you.

When you came in the air went out.  
And every shadow filled up with doubt.  
I don't know who you think you are,  
But before the night is through,  
I wanna do bad things with you.

I'm the kind to sit up in his room.  
Heart sick an' eyes filled up with blue.  
I don't know what you've done to me,  
But I know this much is true:  
I wanna do bad things with you.

When you came in the air went out.  
And all those shadows there filled up with doubt.  
I don't know who you think you are,  
But before the night is through,  
I wanna do bad things with you.  
I wanna do real bad things with you.  
Ow, ooh.

I don't know what you've done to me,  
But I know this much is true:  
I wanna do bad things with you.  
I wanna do real bad things with you."

I sang a few other songs like Michael Bublé's Lost and Haven't Met You Yet and a few really old ones like Crazy Little Thing Called Love, Fly Me Too The Moon and Red, Red Wine. I decided to take a break, I was feeling incredibly anxious, I hated the thought they were there, watching me even if they didn't know I was me. I went to the bar and got myself a TrueBlood and pulled up a chair by Eric.

"I'm sorry about last night, Bel...Izzy, I should have told you and I didn't and I know you feel betrayed and the last thing you needed when we first met was me springing this on you, I know I should have told you sooner but I never found the right time, I'm truly sorry."

"Eric, I understand that you needed to protect me to begin with but you should have told me earlier. And I did feel betrayed but now I understand your reasons so I forgive you," I said, smiling.

He smiled back at me, "Well, that's good, so how was your night last night?"

"I had a fantastic time, thank you, we went to Dallas, he took me a restaurant there and then we went dancing, I hadn't danced so much in my life. But there was something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Is there, go ahead, I'm all ears."

"Well, I was hunting in my favourite National Park and I came across an unfamiliar smell, it was vampire and whoever it was began to chase me, obviously I made it away unharmed but I wanted to know if either you or Stan Davis knew of any unfamiliar vampires in the area."

"Not that I know of, but I'll give Stan a call later, but you have a visitor, but not a bad one," he grinned.

I turned around to see Sam pulling up a chair at the table in front of the stage; he waved at me, pointing to the stage.

"Well, I guess I'm back on," I said with a smile, got up and left Eric and got back on stage with my next song,

"My next song is Friends by Band of Skulls,

All my life I've been searching for something  
Something I can put my finger on  
Maybe I've been living for the weekend  
Maybe I've been living for this cyber soul  
Every Friday just about midnight  
All my problems seem to disappear  
Everyone that I miss when I'm distant  
Everybody's here

I need love  
Cause only love is true  
I need every wakin' hour with you

And my friends cause they're so beautiful  
Yeah my friends they are so beautiful  
They're my friends

All my life I've been wastin', wastin'  
Wastin' all my money, all my time  
All the time that I'm waitin', waitin'  
Waitin for the moment you are mine  
The song about yeah I'm thinkin', thinkin'  
Thinkin all the things that I've done wrong  
All the time yeah I was forgettin'  
You were mine all along

I need love  
Cause only love is true  
I need every wakin' hour with you  
And my friends cause they're so beautiful  
Yeah my friends they are so beautiful  
They're my friends

I need love  
Cause only love is true  
I need every wakin' hour with you  
And my friends cause they're so beautiful  
Yeah my friends they are so beautiful  
They're my friends

They're my friends...  
they're my friends (x8)

Each time I sang "I need every wakin' hour with you" I pointed towards Sam, then, every time I sang "And my friends cause they're so beautiful" I pointed towards Eric and I moved my hand from one side of the room to the other when I sang "Yeah my friends they are so beautiful." I had fun singing that song.

But that was when I saw them, for the first time in so many years.

They were sitting a table in the far corner on the opposite side of the room but where they could still see me. They were sitting in there couples, Esme and Carlisle sat in the middle, he had his hand in hers and they both looked as beautiful as I remembered. I admired them as I sang. Esme still looked motherly, if she could look more motherly then she did. Her hair still looked soft and caramel that fell down next to her soft heart-shaped face. Carlisle was still as breath-taking, his eyes curious but his face smooth, and content looking, his golden hair was neatly in place and he wore smart shirt and pants…just like I remembered him. To Esme's right was Rose and Emmett. Rose was the most beautiful woman in the building, she had curled her hair and I swear it was longer and blonder than I last saw her, unless it was just weak human memories not doing her justice. Emmett looked a lot smarter than I remembered. He also looked a lot less scary, he actually looked incredibly mellow which was a surprise. On Carlisle left was Alice and Jasper. Alice looked like Alice, still bubbly and perpetually happy. Jasper looked different, he looked happy and in no pain, but it didn't touch his eyes, they were filled with a deep sorrow which I didn't understand. Next to Jasper was Edward, I didn't linger on his face, though I knew it look much the same other than all his features were tainted with depression and his eyes were fixed on me. I made a point of not meeting his eyes.

I sang many of the requests before I had my next break where I went to sit with Sam and I asked if he wanted a drink which he replied yes to do I went to the bar. The bar in Fangtasia was a rectangular shape and you could walk all the way round it. I was on one side of the bar ordering my drinks when I smelt the same, unfamiliar smell that I did in Dallas on my anniversary. I scanned the bar to see if there were any unfamiliar face, but I knew everyone. However, there was a shady character standing at the corner of the bar; I couldn't see his face. I went back to Sam, placed the drinks on the table and told him I saw just going to talk to Eric. On my way I got asked for a couple of autographs but when I finally made it to Eric, I told him that the mysterious vampire I smelt the other day was in his bar, he nodded and went for a walk around, checking he knew all the faces. I left and went back to Sam from where I was sitting I could see from the corner of my eye Edward still staring, it was a bit disconcerting; after all he didn't know I was me. Instead I turned my attentions back to Sam,

"What are you doing here?" I asked, actually quite confused about why he was there.

"I came to see you, silly. Why else would I be here? I wanted to drive you home later so we could finish up the moving in and I just wanted to see my gorgeous girlfriend and support her on her ordeal tonight. Do you want me to do smash his face in?"

"No, Sam, because it will hurt you more than him and he doesn't know I'm me and he isn't going to find out any time soon but if and when he does, I want nothing to do with him."

"Well, that good to hear, do you know I love you?"

"Maybe" I said with an innocent expression on my face.

"Well," his voice turned to barely a whisper, "Isabella Marie Swan," he voice grew louder, "I love you."

"Sam, please, don't say my name, not here, not with them here, I don't want them to find out," I whispered nervously.

"That's ok, I won't; now I think you should go and delight us all with your voice again."

"As you wish," I smiled, turning and jumped on stage, I looked around the room and _his_ eyes were on me, so I began talking, "so the next song is No Sound But The Wind by The Editors," and than I sang.

Edward's POV

She was possibly one of the most beautiful creatures my eyes had ever beheld, well apart from Bella, but she was cutting it fine. The posters on Eric's walls were not doing her justice. She was still with her boyfriend Sam in a beautiful midnight blue dress that reached the middle of her thigh and was a halter neck. She looked stunning, the colour suited them perfectly. She looked uncomfortable in the heels she wore, but they exaggerated her beautiful legs and made her that much taller. As opposed to earlier, her hair was down, curled in ringlets that cascaded down her back like a waterfall. She was a picture of perfection. That was when I realized I was staring at her because her eyes met mine, glared slightly and then I broke from her stare and looked down at the table.

That was when she spoke, "So, the next song is No Sound But The Wind by The Editors." Her voice was exquisite, like wind-chimes blowing delicately in the wind or the sound of water flowing peacefully down a stream, if I was human, it would have took my breath away. Her singing was just as wonderful. She played the music herself, the song was originally made for piano but she played in on the harp, she was really quite talented but I couldn't comprehend why she had such an aversion to the piano, I always thought it was a beautiful, classic instrument.

She carried on singing for the rest of the night; it looked like she was trying her hardest not to look over at our table. I couldn't help but think of what Eric told us yesterday about Izzy, how she had such a tragic past and was caused so much hurt and pain. How could anyone in their right mind cause this beautiful woman pain? They'd have to either be blind or utterly stupid, one or the other. But I still didn't know who she really was. After seeing her in the flesh, she just intrigued me more, I wanted to know her, what happened to her, where she's going, every insignificant detail of herself and her life; I wanted it all.

I didn't realize how late it was as the night drew to a close, Izzy had just pulled the last song out of the hat and was announcing it, I was too busy thinking about her and listening to her mesmerizing voice to notice how much time had gone by.

"And my last song for this evening is actually a person favourite as well, when I was younger, before I met Sam, way before he was even born, a love of mine used to hum a song to me, this song always reminded me of that. Funny really, because he broke my now dead heart and Sam is now the one to sing it to me, erasing all the bad memories hidden within the song. Sorry, enough of my boring history, this is Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers,"

She was so lovely when she babbled, even if what she was saying was really sad. But I now knew more about her, she had suffered a broken heart, but surely that wasn't what caused her all that pain, it must have been something far worse. I wondered what it was until she started singing.

"Oh, my love, my darling,  
I've hungered for your touch,  
A long lonely time,

And time goes by so slowly,  
And time can do so much,  
Are you still mine?

I need your love;  
I need your love,  
Godspeed your love to me,

Lonely rivers flow,

To the sea, to the sea,  
To the open arms of the sea,

Lonely rivers sigh

'Wait for me, wait for me'  
I'll be coming home wait for me

Oh, my love, my darling,  
I've hungered for your touch,  
A long lonely time,

And time goes by so slowly,  
And time can do so much,  
Are you still mine?

I need your love  
I need your love  
Godspeed your love to me."

She sang the lyrics to the song with truth and conviction, as if she meant every word she sang and she probably did, as soon as she finished the song she jumped from the stage into Sam's arms, kissing him with passion. I had to look away, I felt a prang against my cold, dead heart, something that I hadn't felt in such a long time – jealousy. It was completely irrational, I didn't even know this girl, I hadn't even really met her and I felt jealous as I watched her walk away from me, out of the bar, with Sam. Something inside told me that I should be where Sam was.

It was only when she had left that I felt she was familiar, yet different somehow. The air had changed now she was gone; it felt alien like she was making it familiar. I felt like I had seen her somewhere before, as if in a previous life I had known her but just couldn't place her and I would never forget her face. I had the same mental battle all the way home. I just couldn't place her but I knew I should be able to. I just sat on my bed, ripping my mind apart.

Who, exactly, was this mysterious yet familiar Izzy who had affected me so?

It was then I decided; I _had_ to meet her.

**[A/N: Hope you like the chapter; looks like Edward want to meet Izzy, what happens when he discovers who she really is? Maybe you'll find out next chapter ;P R&R please, love you all. E-M-C x]**


	6. Medicine

Medicine

Bella's POV

Sam was true to what he said; he drove me home. It was a silent drive which I was thankful for, it gave me time to think about this Cullen situation. I couldn't avoid them forever, one day they would get too inquisitive and want to meet the superstar that is Izzy. But I didn't want to meet them; again. Well it would nice to see Carlisle and Esme again, they were always good to me. With them I was immediately a member of their family, despite my apparent differences, they always made me feel welcome and at home. And I always missed Alice, her spontaneous shopping sprees, the way she'd blank out when he had a vision, her annoying little pixieness; I missed and loved her so much. And then there was Emmett, my babbling, bouncing, big brother, he was like a giant, cuddly teddy bear protecting me. I missed the way he laughed at my clumsiness and always made silly jokes about me; I missed his carefree laughter and his big bear hugs.

To be quite honest I didn't miss Rosalie, we never really saw eye to eye on most things and she was never really very civil to me even though I was always nice to her. I wondered what she would have said when she found out that I was a vampire. In a way I suppose I missed Jasper, even though we never talked much except in Phoenix other than that he always kept his distance for reasons like my birthday. I sort of hated him for slipping up because he was the reason I lost Edward but then without loosing him I would never have met Sam.

And obviously I didn't miss Edward. He had made my life a train wreck for too many years, I wouldn't be a vampire if he never left and I resented that. Maybe I would be a vampire but I would have been turned by someone who cared and I would have been with loved ones instead of having to go through it all alone. And for that I hated him. Granted, when we were together it was amazing, I was never happier but all good things come to an end, right? But do you know what I hated the most, I hated that fact that despite how much he had broken me, how much he had crushed me, how much he had ruined my life and how much I hated him, underneath it all, I still loved him. And I knew it was wrong but I couldn't help it, it was the way I felt but nothing was going to come of the completely irrational feelings, he left because he didn't want me so I doubt he'd want me now.

And that was when I hit me: he didn't know I was a vampire. He thought that I was dead, that I died so many years ago as a happy, fragile human. Oddly I found this knowledge quite brilliant, he left because he didn't want me but what he would have hated more was for me to be like him; vampire. And the fact that he was in Shreveport I could now be an eternal annoyance and eventually he'd have just wanted to leave. He had hurt me so badly, left me broken and alone now I was going to break him. Hurt him, destroy him and tear apart his world.

I relished this knowledge and brand new, devious plan as a wicked grin spread across my face. What I didn't know was that Sam had been watching the play of emotions across my face and he broke my inspirational silence.

"What you grinning about, you look devilishly happy." he asked suspiciously

So I told him my plan, I told him that I was going to reveal my existence to the Cullens and then I was going to turn Edward's life upside down, taking everything he held most dear and destroying them or turning them against him. I would be giving him a taste of his own medicine, just to see how he liked being broken and alone.

Sam thought my plan would be excellent, not too harsh or bitchy because Sam personally thought he deserved everything that was coming to him. I was just hoping that it was going to work. I told him that I was going to ring Eric when we got home. I asked Sam to meet them with me which he naturally agreed to. I was being to feel quite elated and eager for the following evening to arrive.

As soon as we got in I rang to the phone while Sam hung up his coat. I told him about my plan, how Sam was going to be there and that I wanted him to arrange a meeting, asking them if they would like to meet the star of the show, Eric assured me that they were pretty eager to meet me already so that wouldn't take too much work. I hung up the phone ecstatic.

I turned to Sam who took me in his arms and kissed me before asking, "So, shall we finish the unpacking?"

I smiled up at him, "Of course."

He must have already been home that evening because he already unpacked the boxes that I had left for him, he had already placed some of his sentimental belongings around, like the photo albums from his childhood and the one I had made of me and him for his birthday was next to my photo albums. I saw his mug in the kitchen next to the kettle along with favourite brand of tea. He had even replaced my TV for me, got rid of my old hoover and my coffee table that was so scratched and old. He had left some framed photos of me and him and him and his family, all the art work that we both agreed upon, the rug and the lamp among a few other little bits.

We started on the artwork. Some of the pieces of artwork in the house were it a bit odd or they didn't suit the room or I had a general distaste for them so we took all of those down, luckily, the number we took down was the same number of pieces we took from Sam's house so we didn't have to take a trip back. We sat and discussed which pieces we thought should go where which at times was quite amusing but we disagreed and always end up play fighting which was always fun. We eventually settled on where each piece such go and began hanging them up, Sam sat me on his shoulders so that I could reach better, not that I couldn't reach perfectly well without help. I had been practising with my shield in the shop when I had no customers, I could lift myself up with it now, instead of making it spread wide, I made the shield under my feet dense so I could lift myself up. It was so much better than the ladders I used to have to use. Sam encouraged me to try to do both, spread the shield wide as well as a dense to life people and objects up but I was finding it rather difficult and came to the conclusion it required a lot of focusing to be able to achieve it, but I still practise.

Once we finished with the artwork, we made a start on the framed pictures. I had this favourite picture of me and Sam; it was taken in the park in Monroe one winter, Jake had taken the picture just after I had threw snow all over Sam and I was laughing my head of while he sulked. Whenever I saw it, it always brought a smile to my face. I wanted to put it on the mantel above the fireplace but because Sam looked a little stupid, he wanted on the night table in the bedroom. We decided to save that particular item until last because we weren't going to agree. We managed to place all the other framed photos out without disagreeing with each other once.

After that we did the rug and the lamp. We put the lamp in the living room behind my big, comfy reading chair in order to get better light when I read, it was very thoughtful of Sam to think of that idea, I had no clue where we were going to put it. Then we decided where to the rug; I wanted to put it in the hall, so you stepped onto it as you came through the porch door but Sam wanted it in the bathroom so you'd step on it when you got out the shower. I told him that that was a bad idea because the water would cause it to get a fusty smell and that we would eventually have to throw it away, but sooner than if it was anywhere else. We finally decided on somewhere completely different to where either of us wanted it; by the back door. That way I could both see it and use it without it being worn down too quickly. Sam was just happy that I was happy that I had found a place to put his rug in our house.

After we had finally finished moving Sam in, I led him to_ our_ bedroom where we made his moving in pretty final, if you get my meaning.

When Sam had fallen asleep I laid there next to him watching his chest rise and fall with his steady even breathing which matched the even beating of his beautiful heart. He, like I used to, spoke in his sleep. I finally saw what the fascination was. Mostly he mumbled my name and sweet things about me like how he thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world, how sweet I smell and how he loved to kiss me but some of the things he said were hilarious like "Mom! Orion is headed to the baby wipes," "Where's the bread, I can't find it, I'm sure I left it in here somewhere," and "Why is my washing machine in the watermelon? It doesn't go there, it lives in the microwave pizza," are a few examples. I had to try my hardest not to laugh at him comments but he was too hilarious for words. I'd tell him in the morning what he had been saying and he would laugh along with me.

Naturally, I 'woke up' before Sam in the morning, did the unnecessary human things I liked to do in the morning because it made me feel normal, like I was retaining some part of my old life, like shower and clean my teeth though I didn't sweat or eat anything to make my teeth dirty. After I got dressed, I went down the stairs to fix Sam some breakfast in bed because he was such a wonderful boyfriend. I put together a full English breakfast which smelt absolutely disgusting and a cup of his favourite tea and a glass of orange juice. I placed them all on a tray with a vase in a small flower inside and the morning paper. Once I had finished I took it all upstairs, placing it on the dresser as I kissed Sam awake. When he was, I passed him his breakfast, kissed him and bid him goodbye and set off work.

I owed, as you already know, a little bookstore in Bon Temps. Usually the day was pretty quiet but today was another of my book signings. Today's was my good friend's Maria's book signing. She always reminded me so much of Angela Weber; shy, insightful, kind, gentle and non-judgemental; I often wondered if they were actually related but never found the courage to ask. She had published a book last year called, "Kill Me Quick," which was about a girl who fell in love with a vampire and wanted to become immortal. However, the vampire she loved was on the run from assassins who wished him dead, for he was Crowned Prince of the Undead, and they wanted all his power and his name. It was a little cliché for me, after all I loved a vampire and wanted to become immortal and suffered my own threats so it didn't really appeal to me but it was well written, number one in the New Orleans Times-Picayune Book of the Year and she was a good friend of mine going on a book tour across Louisiana and she decided to start at my store.

I arrived at work at 8.30 which gave me half an hour before opening to sent up. I had to rearrange the shelving in the store so I could it a table in for Maria to sit at and a blank canvas and camera for pictures. I stacked up piles of books around the store and some on the table. I could see outside that people was already queuing, more than I expected. I had created a customer survey which asked where people where from. At my last signing I had a few people from New Orleans who were down visiting family, some from Shreveport, Bossier City and a few of the smaller town in the surrounding area. I looked like we had a lot more today.

At ten to nine, Maria pulled up. She shook a few hands and smiled before I let her in. We hugged and shared a brief conversation, mainly small talk about how we were and the weather before I let the people in. The whole event was a success. We had a queue out the door all day and my store was perpetually packed with people. I had never taken so much money in my life or sold that many books for that matter. Although most people was there to see Maria and get a copy of "Kill Me Quick" signed, people browsed the shop as well often picking another few titles to go with the signed book.

I was glad that it was so successful but by the end of the day, even though vampires don't get tired, I was absolutely shattered. Maria and I closed the store together chatting about our success and what we were doing later. I told her I was a singer at Fangtasia, something I hadn't revealed to many people, she seemed quite shocked that I could sing never mind work at a vampire bar which shouldn't have shocked her really, after all I was one of them. She told me that she would come and see me perform some time soon, probably after her Shreveport signing.

I was so glad to get home. I didn't have to leave the house until twenty-five past seven which left me about an hour twenty five minutes to get some rest. Sam had left me a note thanking me for the breakfast and he would be at Fangtasia at about ten when Tara had taken over the shift. He finished the note with an "I love you" and kisses. I could understand why he had asked Tara instead of Terry Bellefleur. He was a War Vet and it had affected him badly. Terry had already taken a fair few shifts as well as his own; he needed a break.

When I finished reading the note, I picked up my copy of Wuthering Heights, curled up on the sofa and began where I left off. I didn't bother changing because I knew Pam would attack me when I got to Fangtasia. I read peacefully until seven twenty-five when I scooped up my car keys and drove to Fangtasia. I had time in the day to think about what I was going to be doing today, revealing myself to the Cullens, to give Edward a taste of his own medicine. And I couldn't back out now; plans were already set in motion. Eric left me a voicemail saying Cullens definitely coming tonight and very eager to meet me and that he would see me later. I really didn't want to think about it but deep down I knew this was the right to do, as well as causing Edward a lot of pain.

By that time I had pulled up into the familiar car-lot of Fangtasia. Pam was standing at the staff entrance waiting for me. Eric must have told her of my plan because she was grinning ear to ear. I got out the car slowly, beginning to feel quite nauseous about it all. I smiled at Pam who stole my hand dragging me to the dressing room.

"So I hear tonight your revealing your true identity to the Cullens," she said, excitement and amusement clear in her voice.

"Yes, Pam, indeed what you heard is correct," bitterness under toning my voice.

"What brought this on, I thought you didn't want them to know, I thought you hated them for leaving you, unprotected," she asked clearly quite confused.

"I don't hate all of them, just two, one considerably more than the other but I miss the others terribly and now they are here I was thinking of salvaging the friendship we had after they come to terms with what they caused or what _he_ caused. Plus it would cause him pain to know I'm going to around to annoy and repulse him forever, a taste of his own medicine shall we say," I replied, feeling better about it already.

"You clever, clever girl. Good on you. I hope it all goes to plan for you," she said with a smile.

"Thanks, so do I, Pam, so do I."

Tonight, because I was "revealing" myself, Pam went all out with the dresses I wore. For the first hour I was to wear a floor length, black satin dress with small cap sleeves and a square neckline, it was very beautiful and had silver beading about four inches thick under my chest. I heard Eric introduce me like he did every night and it was my cue to go on.

"Hey, y'all, tonight I'm going to be singing a few special songs which mean a lot to me and as ever I'm taking your requests so hand them in behind the bar," I spoke as my eyes scanned the room, no sign of the Cullens, not yet anyway.

"The first song I'll be singing tonight was a song that my best friend sang to me through a period of depression I was going through in my human life, he and this song, always remind me that I'm never alone, always loved and someone is always there for me, so this is Fix You by Coldplay…

When you try your best, but you don't succeed,  
When you get what you want, but not what you need,  
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep,  
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face,  
When you lose something you can't replace,  
When you love someone, but it goes to waste,  
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home,  
And ignite your bones,  
And I will try to fix you.

And high up above or down below,  
When you're too in love to let it go,  
But if you never try you'll never know,  
Just what you're worth.

Lights will guide you home,  
And ignite your bones,  
And I will try to fix you.

Tears stream down your face,  
When you lose something you cannot replace,  
Tears stream down your face.  
And I...

Tears stream down on your face,  
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes,  
Tears stream down your face,  
And I...

Lights will guide you home,  
And ignite your bones,  
And I will try to fix you."

Just as I finished the song, when I noticed the bronze and black that flashed across the back of the room, I assumed that it was Edward and Alice. I had my shield risen all the time now, ever since I had found out that I had it I protected myself, Alice can't see my future, Jasper cannot control my emotions, Jane cannot touch me neither Aro, no wonder they believe I'd be a power ally. I wondered if they had caught the end of the song. I turned and smiled at Eric, flickering my eyes to their table so he knew that they had arrived. He nodded; luckily I had shields around all the Fangtasia staff as well so Edward couldn't pick my plan out their thoughts, and rose to join them.

"My next song tonight is Happy by Leona Lewis,

Someone once told me that you have to choose,  
What you win or lose,  
You can't have everything,  
Don't cha take chances,  
Might feel the pain,  
Don't cha love in vain,  
Cause love won't set you free,  
I could stand by the side,  
And watch this life pass me by,  
So unhappy,  
But safe as could be.

So what if it hurts me?  
So what if I break down?  
So what if this world just throws me off the edge,  
My feet run out of ground,  
I gotta find my place,  
I wanna hear my sound,  
Don't care about all the pain in front of me,  
Cause I'm just trying to be happy, yeah,  
Just wanna be happy, yeah.

Holding on tightly,  
Just cant let it go,  
Just trying to play my role,  
Slowly disappear, ohh,  
All these days I feel like they're the same,  
Just different faces, different names,  
Get me outta here,  
I can't stand by your side, ohh no,  
Watch this life pass me by, pass me by.

So what if it hurts me?  
So what if I break down?  
So what if this world just throws me off the edge,  
My feet run out of ground,  
I gotta find my place,  
I wanna hear my sound,  
Don't care about all the pain in front of me,  
Cause I'm just trying to be happy, ohh, happy, ohh.

So and it's just that I can't see,  
The kind of stranger on this road,  
But don't say victim,  
Don't say anything.

So what if it hurts me?  
So what if I break down?  
So what if this world just throws me off the edge,  
My feet run out of ground,  
I gotta find my place,  
I wanna hear my sound,  
Don't care about all the pain in front of me,  
I just wanna be happy,  
Ohh, yeah, happy, ohh, happy,  
I just wanna be, ohh,  
I just wanna be happy,  
Ohh, happy."

The night progressed pretty much as it always did. Endless dress changes because Pam was trying to make an impression of how much I had changed since the Cullens knew me, and she was right, I had changed, I was no longer the fragile, little human who needed protection, I was an independent woman, who just happened to be incredibly strong and have a shield which comes in handy. I no longer needed every whim taken care of, I could handle everything myself, by myself. I wasn't the same person anymore, I wasn't the damsel in distress anymore, I was the knight or Volturi Princess if I had wished it but that was beside the point. I was my own being, completely altered by the harshness of life, though some qualities the same, many different. I was glad Pam had thought of this, it was a very subtle way to show them.

Sam came in at ten like he said he would, I could always count of him to keep his word, and I sang him his favourite song for him, "Flightless Bird, American Mouth", by Iron and Wine, he didn't know that this was the last song at Prom, all those years ago, where I asked Edward to make me immortal and he wasn't going to know either. I'm sure Edward remembered, from the expression on his face, tortured and pained, he did. Good, I was glad I caused him pain. When I finished the song, I went to sit with him. He had already got me a TrueBlood and himself a beer. We chatted about the book signing and his day at work, he was proud that I had a very successful signing, yet again, and I took more money than I dreamed about taking, I thought that maybe I could finally pay Eric back for the college tuition money he gave me, though he'd probably not accept it. As I spoke of Eric, he just appeared as he did from time to time. He must have excused himself from the Cullens to see us.

"Eric," I said and smiled.

"Hello, Izzy, as you already know, the Cullens would just _love_ to meet you so I'm here to pretend to ask for your permission etc etc so it look like we haven't planned this," he replied and then winked at me.

I peered around Eric to see them, all of them, staring, looking quite eager, I looked quickly from face to face, giggled quietly, pulled Eric down to whisper in his ear, "laugh,"

So he did, looking a little confused, "You can tell the Cullens that I will meet them after today's show at the end of the corridor near the bar which leads to the staff area, your office and my dressing room, you know where I mean." I told him, a fake smile plastered on my face, "But you already knew that," I whispered after.

"Good, I'm sure they'll be very happy to know this," he smiled, winked and walked away.

After our short interchange with Eric, I got back on stage. I sang another couple of special songs and then started on the requests. I had another few dress changes; I swore that Pam was making the dresses get shorter and shorter. Luckily, the last dress I wore was cerulean blue and was silky and lacey and floor length. It was one of my favourites for the evening. And all too quickly it came to the last song. I had tried not to think about what I was going to be doing in under half hour after the bar had closed, I didn't want to think of what I was going to bring up, I didn't want to think about the pain I was going to cause the innocent bystanders in this whole situation; but I was now. I was thinking of it, and it wouldn't let me be, I tried to think of the positives; I'd be causing Edward pain, making Jake happy and letting the world know that the arrogant, overprotective, stubborn Edward Cullen couldn't bring me down. But they weren't helping, they made it seem worse, who was I to cause deliberate pain? This wasn't me, but hadn't he hurt me in the worse possible way? Hadn't he left me unprotected, to fend for myself? Hadn't he left me broken and alone? I thought that justified what I was going to do, and I took a deep breath and sang, knowing in my soul it was right; I would have said heart but my heart disagreed, it still partly loved the monster who was Edward Cullen; which was just completely absurd but true.

"This is The Watson Twins' Just Like Heaven;

"Show me how you do that trick?  
The one that makes me scream", she said,  
"The one that makes me laugh", she said,  
Threw her arms around my neck.

"Show me how you do it?  
And I promise you, I promise  
That I'll run away with you  
I'll run away with you."

Spinning on that dizzy edge,  
I kissed her face; I kissed her head,  
Dreamed of all the different ways I had  
To make her glow.

"Why are you so far away?" she said,  
"Why won't you ever know  
That I'm in love with you?  
That I'm in love with you?"

You, soft and only,  
You, lost and lonely,  
You, strange as angels,  
Dancing in the deepest oceans,  
Twisting in the water,  
You're just like a dream.

Daylight licked me into shape,  
I must have been asleep for days,  
I moved my lips to breathe her name,  
I opened up my eyes,

Found myself alone, alone  
Alone above a raging sea,  
That stole the only girl I loved  
And drowned her deep inside of me.

You, soft and only,  
You, lost and lonely,  
You, just like heaven."

I had my usual loud applause from the crowd as I bid them goodnight and a safe and pleasant journey home. I walked down my invisible, shield stairs and headed straight for my dressing room, with Sam close behind. When we were both in the room, I closed the door and locked it. If I was going to do it, I was going to do it on my terms, no-one else's. I slipped out of my dress and heels and went into the bathroom to wipe off the make-up Pam had attacked me with. I replied some eyeliner and mascara before dressing in red summer dress with a small white flowered print on it. Well, at least I and Sam thought it looked pretty. I took a deep breath before I unlocked the door, letting Sam out into the corridor so that he could tell me what was happening before I actually stepped out from the safety of my own, private, little dressing room.

There they were, all seven of them and Eric, according to Sam, they were at the end of the corridor. Now that I was about to do it I was so scared. I hadn't seen any of them in too many years; I was hoping none of them would recognize me. I had my hair up which wasn't like the old me and I surely wasn't dress like the old me, Alice would be proud I got a fashion sense. I gave Sam one last look as I stood inside my dressing room before taking his hand and an unnecessary deep breathe and stepped out. I smiled up at him as we walked down the corridor before turning my attentions to my guests.

"Dear friends, this is my little superstar, Izzy. Izzy, these are my friends I was telling you about, the Cullens."

None of them had changed, all still outrageously beautiful. All of them seemed completely unaware of who I truly was which made it all the better. I had my shield up so I was getting some funny looks from Jasper, Alice and Edward. Then I noticed Edward looked completely awestruck; I hoped he hadn't realised. Carlisle was at the head of the group so I held out my hand and smiled politely, "It's a pleasure," I managed to choke out but keeping my voice very level and even.

"No my dear, the pleasure is entirely ours," he gestured to his family, "May I ask..."

I interrupted what he was going to ask, "How rude if me, this is Sam, my partner, I think Eric told you it was our anniversary a little while ago, happiest time if my existence," I reached and kissed his lips softly. He then smiled at all of them and shook Carlisle's hand as well.

"Happiest time of my life too, my Izzy," Sam replied to me, looking down into my eyes.

Carlisle had then torn me away from Sam's eyes by asking, "Izzy is a rather interesting stage name, is that your real name?"

"Well I suppose it is, it's more of a nickname which has been growing on me, my old one brought back too many painful, human memories whenever someone spoke it," I lied, I liked the name Bella, and I wasn't going to let Edward take that away from me, "I'm sure Eric has told you all a little of my past," they all nodded solemnly, Eric must have told them quite a bit of it, "So, Carlisle, allow me to reintroduce myself to you and your family," I stood up straighter, took a deep breathe before looking into his eyes as I spoke, "my name is Isabella Marie Swan but if you'll excuse me, Carlisle and Esme, Rose, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Eric," looking from face to face, "I have to be elsewhere, good night."

And with that I picked up Sam with one hand, threw him on my back and ran leaving eight shocked faces.

**[A/N: I would like to dedicate this chapter to ****queenfrizz30 for her, well, dedication to this story. Your reviews brighten up my day which really do need brightening; I always look forward to reading your review so thank you. Hope you all liked the chapter, yet another cliff-hanger for you. I'll try and do an Edward POV next. Thanks for reading, R&R please, love E-M-C ^^ ]**


	7. Betrayal

Betrayal

Edward's POV

She'd been tormenting my mind. Whatever I did she was always on my mind. I wanted to know why she seemed so familiar to me yet so different. I wanted to know what had happened in her past so cause her so much pain. I wanted to know where she wanted to go in her existence. I wanted to know what her favourite colour was and her shoe size and what really made her tick. I knew I had no right to know, I didn't even know this goddess but I didn't stop me from wanting it. She was taking over my life, not that I minded; I would have gladly given anything for her to be my life.

What annoyed me the most was the fact that I felt like I knew her, but knew nothing about her; I felt like I'd seen her, but yet couldn't place her beautiful face. It was driving me mad. Again I couldn't be near my family because I was so frustrated that I couldn't remember this woman that I felt I knew so well. What made things worse was she was like a void; Eric had told us of her ability to shield other vampire's ability but it made it so terribly hard. At least with Bella, Alice could see her and Jasper could calm her but with Izzy, nothing.

At that point, Bella captured my thoughts. She would want me to be happy wouldn't she? If I finally had the chance to move on like she did, she would want that for me, wouldn't she? She would have enough goodness, kindness and forgiveness in her heart to let me be happy after these many, many heart-wrenching years wouldn't she? Of course she would, I was sure I it, in the depths of my being I could feel it, that is what she would want for me. So that was what I was going to do, be happy with Izzy.

Then I came back to reality; she was with Sam. She wasn't going to be leaving him any time soon, not while they were so in love with each other. Maybe I could show her what she was missing with someone like herself. Maybe I could show her vampire lovers are much more passionate than shifters. Maybe I could make her fall in love with me.

I stopped the thought in its tracks. Who was I to try and break up her happy relationship when she'd been in so much pain? I truly was a monster, but I didn't stop me wanting her. Maybe we could be friends, but how could we when I would always want something more? I found myself thinking of and empathising with Jacob Black, something which I never thought I'd ever do but he had always loved Bella but stood by while she was with me, always the loyal friend but always wanting that bit more. If Jacob Black could do it, then so could I.

My family and I went to watch her sing every night. They just wanted to get out the house, meet new people and have some fun. I wanted to see Izzy. We would sit at the same table every night and I would watch her from there, concentrate on every word she said and sang, watch her every movement and every expression. She truly was a goddess with the voice of an angel. If I was human, I would have sworn I had died and gone to heaven. I tried not to my obsession to obvious but every now and then she would catch me and her eyes would fix on mine, glare at me slightly before releasing me or I looked away. Whenever our eyes met I wondered what colour try were. Eric had told us that her eyes would never change to red or gold, they would always remain whatever pretty colour they were. I tried to imagine her up close to try and match eye colour to see what look best. I finally came up with hazel, because it wasn't any colour at all but a mixture. And they would be undertoned brown with swirls of blue and green on top. They would be exquisite eyes no matter the colour.

I tried to catch her at the end of her performances but I was always too late. She would meet and greet a few people on the way to her dressing room and then swiftly leave before I got there. One night I even waited for her in the parking lot but she never showed. Then Eric asked us one day if we'd like to meet Izzy in the flesh and before anyone else could answer I blurted out yes. Everyone else agreed though which was lucky. Alive and Rosalie wanted to ask her about her impeccable taste in fashion, Carlisle wanted to ask her of her gifts, Esme just wanted to hug her pain away, Emmett was eager for an arm wrestling match and Jasper didn't seem to be thinking anything which was very confusing. Finally I was getting my wish to meet her. On that particular day she looked even more dazzling than usual. It was like she was trying show the world who she was, as if she would need to, the world would have known her anyway. The dress she wore got shorter and shorter; it took all my strength to keep my lust under control. I didn't want to give Jasper a hard time as well. And she looked as though she was getting more comfortable in the heels she wore, they got jazzy, as if she was hand-picking what she was going to wear; yet they all still emphasised her long, dazzling legs. She really was enthralling; I couldn't shift my eyes from her.

Sam came in like he usually does. I'm sure he's a really nice guy, in fact I know he's a really nice guy, I can pick it out of everyone's minds who talks to him. How sweet he is. How thoughtful he is. How he and Izzy make a lovely couple. To be quite frank I think he's a shit. But then that just me. I have no right to hate him; I have no reason to either, I don't even really know the guy but I do. He had what I wanted, I know it sounds so selfish but I am an essentially selfish creature so it made perfect sense. I hated to watch them together; it made me sick with jealousy; there was something about it that felt all wrong and that she should be with me. Luckily, they didn't stay attached for long; she was soon back on the stage where I could freely watch her without feeling physically sick.

I remember the moment so clearly, the moment she agreed to meet us. Eric had asked us if we would like to meet her and I blurted out yes. He seemed quite amused by this, like there was some hidden agenda that not even Alice could see; Carlisle had a theory that it was Izzy's shield protecting him from our abilities. Even though he was always rude and unwelcoming to me, he looked genuinely pleased it was me who blurted out the yes. Anyway, he said that he would have to ask her first and excused himself from the table. He walked over to her table, she was a little shocked to see him standing as she said "Eric." Then it all fell silent, Eric must have asked her our, more like my, request, because she peered around Eric, her eyes wandering from face to face, she looked pleased, amused maybe, but I still got a quick hostile glare, before she pulled Eric to her, whispered something and then they both laughed, we all wonder what it was about but came up with nothing. After that there was another quick few sentences between the two of them before they each smiled and Eric left, coming back to where we were sitting.

He sat back on his chair, waiting a few moments while he looked at all our eager face anticipating his answer before he finally told us that she would be glad and honoured to meet us. Obviously everyone was thrilled, but no-one more than I. Finally I get to meet the reason I feel happier than I have done in a long time, the person to maybe fill some of the hole created by the loss of my Bella. I was going to show how everything she was missing with Sam, show her how amazing life can be with a vampire, I'd have shown her the world and the stars if that's what it took. I was practically buzzing once Eric had confirmed she wanted to meet us, everything seemed brighter, her voice sounded more exquisite even though it wasn't physically possible, the same for her beauty. I was glad that Rosalie couldn't read my thoughts, she was jealous enough of Izzy to start with never mind me fuelling the fire with the fact that I think she is far more beautiful than her.

When Izzy stepped on the stage in a silky cerulean blue floor length dress, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I just couldn't comprehend how she got more and more breath-taking each time she stepped on that stage. Even though I thought a dark shade of blue would have suited her more, she still looked simply dazzling. She sang and sang until it came to the last song of the night. She just stood there, both hands on the microphone. Her face looked pained; like she was thinking of something she didn't really want to but knew she did. I would have given anything to hear what she was thinking. She stood there for a moment, the expressions on her face looked like she was trying to reason with something, she took a deep breath, shot a dark look my way, smiled and began singing a song I wasn't familiar with, "The Watson Twins' Just Like Heaven", she played it herself on an acoustic guitar. It was a beautiful song about lost love and my mind went straight to Bella. Was I betraying her undying love and memory by loving someone else? I found happiness was a fine line to walk on; it was either your happiness or someone else's. But wasn't I allowed a little happiness now, after all these year I stayed true to her love even though she moved on like I intended her to do? Wasn't I allowed just one small piece of happiness? I believed I did. I also believed it would have been what Bella wanted, she would have hated to have seen me in pain, all worked up and stressed about it, and she would have wanted whatever made me happy. And this was it, Izzy, this living, breathing, immortal goddess who wasn't mine for the taking, made me happy, she was my happiness. And I wanted my happiness.

When she had finished the song, she received her usual loud applause before bidding the people goodnight. Usually, she would hang around outside and sign a few autographs and have a few pictures taken but tonight, she stepped down invisible steps, which seemed to confuse everyone who was watching, and practically ran to her dressing room with Sam very close behind. I wondered what had upset her so on stage that made her want to leave to quickly.

The club cleared out slowly; I was surprised how many people Eric had managed to fit in such a small space. And legally, well, I supposed that seeing nearly 85% of the people in the club were of vampire nature and then a further 10% was of a supernatural nature making them much stronger than the average human, that the laws could have probably been bent, especially by someone with Eric's power, after all he was Sheriff of Area 5. Some vampires decided to have a fight as they were leaving, which was highly entertaining. Emmett wanted to go join in with them, but Rosalie punched him in the face and told him to stop being such an idiot, Izzy wouldn't want to meet an idiot like him. He soon shut up after that. Anyway, the vampires continued to fight, until Eric's bouncer, Pam, who was also Bella's fashion designer or whatever you call it, got really pissed at them and tore both their head's off. These guys looked bigger than Emmett, and she was about the size of Alice. I made a mental note not to get on her bad side but, with my little advantage, I would have probably been able to take her.

We waited a little while longer; it seemed unbearable, the time we had to wait how ever short it was. Sam finally stepped out of Izzy's door first, his hand held out, saying something which was shielded from us by Izzy. A little while after, Izzy stepped out of the room, taking a hold of Sam's hand. She looked so different when she wasn't in various styles of evening or prom dress, yet still there was that nagging feeling inside that she was so familiar but I still couldn't place her. She was wearing a cotton summer dress which was red with a small, white flowered print on it; she still looked stunning. She'd look stunning in a black, plastic bag. Her eyes never left Sam as they walked towards us, but as they stopped in front of us she tore her eyes away from him. It made me feel quite nauseated but I couldn't take my eyes off her.

Eric introduced us, "Dear friends, this is my little superstar, Izzy. Izzy, these are my friends I was telling you about, the Cullens."

She looked from face to face; as if she recognized us, and by everyone else's thought they didn't know her, or feel like they knew her. Alice was wondering why she was blocking her from seeing her future, and Sam's and Eric's for that matter. Jasper was also wondering why she was blocking him from feeling her emotions, as well as Sam's and Eric's. Suddenly, things didn't seem quite right, like something wasn't quite kosher about this; I didn't like it one bit, but everyone else's thoughts seemed clear of suspicion.

"It's a pleasure," she replied, like she was struggling with her words, holding out her hand to shake Carlisle's as he was the head of us all, I hope she didn't notice me staring at her.

"No my dear, the pleasure is entirely ours," he gestured to our family, "May I ask..."

As if she knew Carlisle was going to ask something she really didn't want to answer, she quickly, and quite frankly, rudely interrupted him, saying "How rude if me, this is Sam, my partner, I think Eric told you it was our anniversary a little while ago, happiest time if my existence," she reached and kissed him. He then smiled at all of us and shook Carlisle's hand as well.

"Happiest time of my life too, my Izzy," Sam replied to her, looking down on her.

Carlisle asked, "Izzy is a rather interesting stage name, is that your real name?" It looked like she had to physically tear her eyes from his as Carlisle finished and she began to answer.

"Well I suppose it is, it's more of a nickname which has been growing on me, my old one brought back too many painful, human memories whenever someone spoke it," she said, I wondered what previous nickname was, and what pain was caused in her human life and what memories these were, "I'm sure Eric has told you all a little of my past," we all nodded solemnly, Eric had told us quite a bit of it, but not many specifics like where she was originally from, who caused her all this pain, who turned her. "So, Carlisle, allow me to reintroduce myself to you and your family," she visibly stood up straighter, took a deep breathe before looking straight into his eyes as she spoke, maybe a tiny bit smug "my name is Isabella Marie Swan but if you'll excuse me, Carlisle and Esme, Rose, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Eric," she said looking from face to face, "I have to be elsewhere, good night."

And with that she picked up Sam with one hand, threw him on her back and ran leaving eight shocked vampires.

It took me a moment to register what she said. But then it all began to fit. She was originally from Forks, the vampires that turned her were Victoria and Laurent because they wanted her to suffer an eternity without her true love for revenge for me killing James, her friends were the wolf pack, and the suicide attempts, all the pain, hurt and tragic human memories were all caused by me. I was the source for all of Iz...Bella's pain.

I don't know what happened next. I can't remember any of it. Vampires can't blackout or faint because they have no living body functions to cause it to happen. But something happened to me, something even Carlisle couldn't explain. I had this strangest dream that I was in a room with white walls, floor and ceiling, I was running, screaming at the top of my lungs, looking for Bella, but not matter how much I screamed or how far I ran, I couldn't find her, she was nowhere in sight. When I finally "came round" I was on my bed. Then everything from before my blackout came flooding back to me, every thought I had about Izzy, how she was really my Bella, how I can caused her to become a vampire, that I left her broken and alone, that I left unprotected, that I caused her years of endless self loathing, pain and lack of self worth. I turned her into nothing; all because of lie to protect her. It didn't even work; it was all for nothing.

I heard an ear-splitting scream from the other room. Forgetting my depressed state, I picked myself up and went to see what it was. Jasper. I was emanating some much angst and revulsion I was causing him physical pain because of the strength of my emotions. I didn't mean to hurt him, I was the only one who should hurt, I couldn't comprehend how much of a moronic jackass I was, how much pain and destruction I had caused. I couldn't believe what I had done. Alice was screaming a list of profanities at me in her head for hurting Jasper, that none of this was his fault, he had apologized for that night, that he didn't deserve this. I watched taken aback that she thought I had done it on purpose while her small frame lifted Jasper from the floor where he was writhing and ran him far away.

I broke down then. In a fit of rage I destroyed my room because it was the only thing I felt like I had control over. I tore down my shelving down, shattering most of my CD collection; I ripped the sofa and all the other soft furnishing before throwing my piano out the window. I knew I should have destroyed myself, tore myself limb from limb but I couldn't because that would have only caused more pain.

When I finally fell to my knees, surrounded by the hell I had created, I cried for the first time in hundreds of years. Carlisle's theory was true; when a vampire was in immense physical and emotional pain, they would cry tears of blood. And that was what I did. I curled up, clutching my knees to my chest; not knowing what to do with myself, not knowing what to do with anything.

I couldn't believe I didn't see it before, it was all there. That's why Eric treated me with such contempt when he first met me because he knew I was the reason behind the Bella he met in the bar in New Orleans. He hated me for what I did to her. I should have known it was her; no-one else in the world could look as beautiful as Bella human or vampire. I should have known when Eric spoke of her evasion for piano because I played it for her. I should have known from the scent, that sweet freesia scent that it was her. All the signs were there but I was blinded by the beauty of this "other woman" to notice.

I loathed myself. I wished to definitely dead. I knew nothing I could do or say could take back all the hurt I had caused her. I would never forgive myself for leaving, I found it hard to in the first place now it was impossible. I left to protect her but I effectively killed her. All these years I had thought she was happy with someone else then later on, dead she was really a vampire, miserable and in pain.

I decided that I couldn't cope any longer, I planned on going to the Volturi like I had planned all those years ago but Alice along with Emmett and Jasper stopped me before I even left the room, pinning me down making me promise to do nothing of the sort, that I would hurt Esme if I killed myself, she couldn't bear to loose another child and she nearly already lost me once, she couldn't bear it again. I decided to build a fire and burning myself but Alice saw my decision and they stopped that too.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to live anymore. All these years I thought that my Bella had lived her life, happily married to someone who loved her, protected her, deserved her and never endangered her, had a couple of beautiful children whom she saw grow from tiny babies into troublesome teenagers, watching and protecting them until they graduate and go off to college, was proud when they graduated from college and got their first job, was proud when they got engagement and cried as she watched them walk down the aisle, was full of pride and ecstatic when she had grandchild, she watched them grow before passing away, soul intact, happy with a fulfilled life. Instead I found out that she was turned by dangerous vampires, had to fend for herself and manage her thirst and gifts on her own until she met Eric in New Orleans. I found out, that because I left, she thought she was worthless, she truly believed I didn't want her for all these years, and that even thinking of me caused her immense pain. I only ever had the best intentions in leaving, yet they do that the road to hell was paved in the best intentions, which was exactly where I was. I only left to protect her, after her birthday with Jasper, though I know he hated himself and that was only an accident, I realised how dangerous being in my world it was for Bella, because I had no intention in taking her soul, I would have watched her grow old and die and I would be close behind, so she would always be human and always constantly in danger. One small slip and she would have been dead. And then all the extra danger we caused with conventional vampire passed through and sensed her, and with her blood smelling so sweet, they'd bound to hunt her, like that episode with James and his coven where she was almost killed because I couldn't protect her.

It broke me to tell her that I didn't want her, that she wasn't good for me, because in truth, I wanted her in everyway possible and she had changed me in so many way, I was a better person, and more alive with her. If my heart was beating when I told her that I didn't want her, it would have shattered into millions of tiny pieces and crumbled into dust. It would have broken further when realisation dawned on her face when she realised that I wasn't lying, even though I was. I had to lie to myself, tell myself that this was best, when really I couldn't bear the thought of life without her. I wanted to go back, but I forced myself to stay away, now I really wished I hadn't.

Alone in my room was when I decided that enough was enough; I was going to explain to Bella why I left, my true intentions and feelings, then and now. And I would have had to make her listen to me even if it was the last thing I did and even if she didn't understand or forgive me, at least I would have said my bit. And if she, impossibly and incredibly, forgive me for everything I had done, I would try my hardest to win her back, because I knew what life without her was like and now I had her so close within my grasp I couldn't bear to loose her again. I always knew that I had loved her with all of my being and nothing would ever change that. And I left her so she could have a normal, safe, happy, human life, and although it wasn't exactly happy to start with and not exactly human or safe either, but she was happy now. Moved on like I had intended but I wanted her. I wanted her so badly. I loved her and missed her and wished she was mine for so long that I wouldn't let this chance pass me by.

Maybe she could forgive me.

Maybe she could understand my reasons.

Maybe she could love me again.

Maybe she still did.

There was no harm in trying.

I decided that I would give it a few days, let things die down and settle before I started talking to her. No doubt that Alice would get to her before me, Bella never could resist Alice, and I always found that extremely amusing. She was already planning on taking her on a shopping spree that she already knew she would say yes to and already knew that she would have loads fun. And she already knew that they'd talk about her new life and her old one and then Alice blocked her thoughts off so I couldn't read them. At least she forgave Alice. And Emmett was already planning to have an arm-wrestling match and Esme just wanted to see her. If she could forgive them, then maybe she could forgive me. But then they didn't cause all the pain, I did. I asked Alice if she would forgive me but she couldn't get a read, she only knew that she would go shopping and have fun because she dropped her shield down. Maybe Alice could work some of her "pixie magic" as Emmett called it, on Bella to make her understand better.

I was hoping with everything I had that she would at least give me the chance to say my piece; after all we had once been in love, and a very deep one at that. I still couldn't believe I let it all go. I was sure, that the Bella I knew would have given me the chance to say what I had to say, she was so stubborn, yet so forgiving, one of the things I loved her. At least if I had said my piece, she would know all my reasons, thoughts and feelings behind my decisions and how much I regretted them and resented myself for following them through, and all my still every present feelings for her and how much I truly was sorry and that I never meant to ever hurt and I that I would be beyond words if she could find it in her heart to forgive me.

The only thing I had left was hope.

**[A/N: So, a lot of Edward's angst thoughts here. I was hoping to post earlier but this chapter was rather difficult to write. Hope you like the change of perceptive from Bella and what could possibly happen next chapter? Read the next update to find out. Hope you review because they make me smile and feel like Jell-O! Love you all E-M-C ^^ x]**


	8. Apology

Apology

I kept on running and running until I fell to the floor, breaking down in tearless sobs. I wanted to disappear, for the world around me just to cave in and swallow me up with it. Was I just born selfish? How could I do that to my old friends and family, they were just innocent by-standers in this whole thing between me and someone who I thought loved me, but turned out he didn't want me at all. I had let my anger blind me, hurting the people who cared about me, even if they did leave, I'm sure he made them leave.

Why did I even go through with it; I knew it didn't feel right, I knew there was a reason deep down why I was so hesitant to leave my dressing room, because something wasn't quite kosher with what I was about to do; and I now knew why, because I hurt the family who I wanted to call my own, I hurt the people I cared about most when I didn't want to. I hurt me to know that I hurt them because I went through with some stupid plan that I came up with at the spur of the moment in rage and annoyance to get back at someone who hurt me so badly. I was blinded with anger I felt and I didn't clearly, I selfishly went along with the plan so that I could get back at him without even thinking about the affect that it would have had on others. Could I have been any more selfish, really? I used to be a selfless girl, always thinking of others, maybe it was my bitterness and dislike for my new lifestyle that had changed me, or maybe it was something more than that, but I had changed for the worse and I really didn't like it, I hated that my selfishness had caused others hurt and pain; I didn't want it to happen but I had caused it. I truly was a monster; a selfish, vindictive bitch. I was horrible person, and I probably always was; no wonder he left me, he more than likely saw me for who I truly was.

I hated that I hurt them, I missed most of them very much. I could see the hurt and shock on most of there faces, poor Esme looked like she had just found and lost a daughter, Carlisle, the same. Emmett looked like he was about to cry, his big brotherliness was something I truly missed and to watch his face as I turned away made me want to die. Alice looked dumbfounded at the fact she couldn't see my future and she also looked like she was about to cry. Rosalie, surprisingly, did look shocked as did Jasper. I did look at Edward's face, I would have lost my nerve and I would have most likely died to see the indifference in his eyes. But I couldn't believe what I had put my almost family though, I loved them as if they were my family and even a few of them returned that love, I had just hurt them in the worse possible way and walked away, who was I?

What really angered me most was that fact that no matter what he did to me or what he said to me, deep down, under all the pain, anguish and hate which I felt for him and was caused by him, I still loved with him all my stone cold heart and hell-bound soul, because I just couldn't help it, I always had and I always would, he was a part of me and my life, and he had change me unrecognisably in every way, for the better and the worse and to be quite honest I wouldn't have it any other way. The love I felt for him was both a blessing and a curse; for some odd reason loving him, it kept me whole, sane, not matter how forbidden he was because he would never love me thus I could never have him, he was probably in love with someone else anyway. And the fact that he was so forbidden and the fact that my love for him would never be reciprocated was the curse.

And Sam you may ask me? Of course I love him, but nothing as strong and as passionate as I felt for Edward. And that makes me feel guilty because I knew how much I was capable of giving, yet I could only ever give a fraction of my love because deep down in my stone cold heart I still loved Edward, and there was nothing anyone, including him, could say or do that could make me change my mind. I hated how I treated him, knowing that he gave so much of himself to me where as I could give him so little, that to anyone else he gave himself so wholly to would be able to return it exactly the same. I hated myself for keeping him around selfishly; he loved and cared for me when no-one else did, he brought me back to earth from my depression like no-one else could, and I loved him and needed him; though I knew it was wrong to keep him around; and even if I couldn't love him as completely and as passionately as I did with Edward, I had to face the fact that he would never have all of my heart. After he left I began to hide my love for him, I tried my hardest not to let it show but it was difficult but after the change it grew easier and easier. I successfully managed to suppress my feelings for him so it was just a tiny splinter at the back of mind so I could Sam something worth loving, but as soon as he stepped back in my life again, it was if the suppressed feelings grew in pressure and blew open, unable to closed up again.

Even though I didn't want to, I decided that I had better pick myself of the ground. I realised, panicked almost, that Sam was still there, watching me go through my mental arguments and torments. Although I was nice to think that he was there comfort and support me, it only made the guilt and the pain worse that yet again he was giving me more than I ever wanted that I just couldn't possibly replace. I uncurled myself and sat up slowly, only to find I was alone. It was not what I was expecting at all. Relief and shock spread through me; I was relieved that he had sat through and watched all of my mental arguments but shock that he wasn't there, he was always there when I needed him, always there to comfort me and tell me everything was going to be alright; I was quite devastated that he wasn't there. Then I noticed a rock next to me with a slip of paper underneath, upon the paper Sam had written, "I had to go, I would have stayed if I could but I couldn't let Terry Bellefleur pull another shift, he's done so much already and you know how he is. I'm sorry, so very sorry."

For some reason the note didn't make me feel any better, in fact it made me feel worse. Basically he was saying he cared more about Terry Bellefleur than he did me, which wasn't right, or he couldn't stand to be anywhere near me while I was like this so he used the first excuse he could think of to get away from me. Neither reason for him leaving made me feel good, it made the guilt a little less as he showed he cared a little less about me but right then, all I wanted was to feel loved and forgiven which I was getting neither of.

After the insult to my injury I decided it would be a good idea to go home. I came to the conclusion that it wasn't the best option to open the shop today, not in my condition and I didn't have any desire to be back at Fangtasia any time soon. I remembered what I did when I was depressed when I was human, I would curl up on the sofa with a couple of romantic comedies, Ben and Jerry's chocolate fudge brownie ice-cream, a blanket and a box of tissues and I decided that was what I was going to do. I slowly scrambled from the floor to find I was in the middle of a farmers field, lined with trees to the left and on the right I could hear the interstate. I wasn't in a rush get home because I had no wish to be there, I just wanted to disappear, so my selfishness could no longer hurt the people I cared about.

The walk home was a long one, with more time alone than I would have liked because it meant I had more time to think freely which was a bad idea. I continued to think about the pain I caused, the pain I had gone through and the fresh pain I was going through. I thought of everything that had happened in my life, all the good and all the bad, all the decisions I had made, asking myself if I had made the right decision or whether I had been selfish in my choices. I wondered what would have happened to me if Victoria and Laurent hadn't have tortured me this way, they would have probably just killed me and drank my blood. But what if they never found me, what would have my life been like? Would I have finally given into Mike Newton and we would have ended up married with a couple of kids, or would I have grown closer to Jake? Fell in love with him even and had his children? Or would I have just been alone, a zombie in mourning for her love that left for the rest of her life. Anything could have happened, anything was bound to be better than this - hurting friends and family, hurting your loved one without them even knowing, hurting yourself because of all the pain your causing everyone else. Alone time definitely was bad.

The walk took longer than excepted at human pace, I wasn't even halfway home when I came to the inevitable conclusion that I was just a bad person and now I was being punished and I would have to confess and repent. I wasn't big on church when I human but after the change I needed to believe in something more, and the good people of Bon Temps welcomed me into their church happily after I plucked up the courage to go after having a look back at the memories of Carlisle and his faith. It helped me through quite a bit, although Eric didn't approve of it, it gave me what I was looking for, something to tell me that no matter what happened, no matter what this life threw at me, there was a reason to keep on living and after this life was up there was something after it, something other than nothingness.

When I finally got home it was almost noon and the clouds were just beginning to clear as you could see the sun peeking over their edges giving them a golden glow. Even though the existence of vampires had been known for some time it was still a habit for me to avoid the sun, to prevent myself walking around like a "giant disco ball," I had once been called. I, personally, had always thought that vampire skin was exquisitely beautiful in the sunlight. However I didn't have the talent some had to foresee the sunny spells so sometimes I would get caught in them. I reached the door, unlocking it, half expecting Sam to be there waiting for me, but to my surprise and to my relief, he wasn't. I dragged myself up the stairs to the bathroom to being running a bath, I went into my room, undressed and grabbed my sweats, tank top and big, fluffy dressing gown and went back. I had a long, relaxing soak to try and wash away everything that had happened and all of my thoughts and feelings. I methodically scrubbed myself and washed my hair with my favourite strawberry scented shampoo and conditioner but getting out, drying off and slipping on my clothes. Although the soak in the bath made me feel a bit better, I still felt terrible as I traipsed back down the stairs to the kitchen to grab my last tub of Ben and Jerry's before curling up on the sofa to watch a DVD.

About half way through the film, my door bell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone; Sam had his own set of keys, I wasn't expecting a gas or electricity reader or any packages to be delivered so I decided to ignore it. Only moments later, the doorbell sounded again, louder and longer than the last time, "these visitors really want to be seen," I thought to myself. I stopped my DVD and dragged my sorry, worthless ass to answer the door. Opening it, I found myself staring straight into my visitors' faces, I was so shocked I couldn't move, I didn't know what to do or say so I let them in. It was the Cullen's.

They all slowly filed into my small house, to me, my house wasn't small, but compared to some of the places they had lived in, it was tiny. They sat down in my living in their pairs, I was surprised that they all paired up, then I noticed that Edward was missing. Either he didn't want to come or he didn't know they were coming. Once they were settled and I had locked my door, I joined them in the room standing in the doorway, making sure I had my shield right up, because saying "So, what do I owe the pleasure of your visit," in a flat monotone voice like I had been saying the same line too many times. There was nothing but a deadly silence; which during this time I studied their faces, they all wore the same expression on their faces, it looked like they were ashamed maybe, I couldn't place it; I was no Jasper when it came to emotions.

The silence continued until finally Carlisle broke it,

"Bella, me and my family have come here to apologize to you. We left you all those year ago, thinking that you would be safe because Edward assured us you would be. He told us that it would better for you without us there, we would take the threats with us, he said. We all wanted you to be safe so we agreed with his idea. But then he forbade us to see you again; not to even say goodbye and ordered Alice not to look into your future. We've assumed for years that you had had a happy human life, got married and had a couple of beautiful children who had grown up to be one just like you and they did the same. We've been living under the impression for many a year that you had died; and we _all_ mourned the loss of you. Then we arrived in Shreveport and met up with my old friend Eric who told us of this Izzy who had such a tragic past that caused her so much pain; instantly my mind and many others of my family thought of you but remembered that they were assured an promised that you would have been safe and lived a long and happy life. But today we find out that is not the case. So, Isabella, we are here to apologize for all the pain we have caused you, it was completely unintentional, all we ever wanted was for you be safe and happy, whether with us as a family or whatever you decided. We want to apologize for the fact that we were not there when you needed protecting most and that we were not there to guide you this new existence of yours. We would all give anything just to go back in time and change all of this, take all of it back so none of it would have ever happened and you would have had a happy life however you chose it but unfortunately we can't so will you find it in your heart to forgive us, to forgive us all here, for the way we treated you, for leaving you, for letting you go through the change alone and for all the subsequent pain we have caused, we are all deeply, truly ashamed of ourselves for this and we are so desperately sorry."

I sat there speechless looking at all their beautiful, ashamed faces. None of this was there fault, they were not to know what was to happen to me especially when he forbade it and none of them were to blame; they had no reason to apologize; there was nothing to forgive.

"Carlisle, I don't know know what to say. I suppose I best just start at the beginning, when you all left and... he... left, he left me in the forest, I tried to search for him but came to no avail, it had grown very late and very dark; I had given up on everything, even life itself as I lay on the ground waiting for the cold to kill me. But I was saved, but only physically. Sam Uley brought me home to Charlie where I stayed for months, only ever leaving for school and work. I was an empty shell, moving on autopilot, so deep in depression even I couldn't find a way out even if I wanted too. For months I remained the same, trying to look alive for Charlie but failing to do so. That was when I discovered I could hear his voice in my mind if I was in danger. So danger became my new best friend. I enlisted the help of Jacob Black who help build two motorcycles which we rode while I secretly heard his voice. With Jake around I felt so much better. We decided, well I did, to find his meadow. Just when I thought maybe I could function okay again for Charlie's sake, Jake left me. I went hiking alone and well you know the rest, Eric kindly filled you in on the details of my life there after and I can tell you it wasn't pretty.

I was a mess for so long, completely unable to do anything, feel anything because I felt so worthless and unwanted. And I know that it wasn't any of you here that made me feel this way, but that's how I was. It has taken decades to get what I have now and he walk back into my life and strips me bare of all I gained in his absence. He effectively destroyed me, I was better off dead. But none of this was your fault, any of you, so you don't have to apologize, none of you here are to blame, there is nothing to forgive. I have missed all of you so much even if some of you have had problems with me, I've lived without you all long enough, I want my family back."

What surprised me was, before Carlisle could speak, Jasper did, "I do have to apologize as all of this was my fault. I should have had more control then none of this would have happened and you would have had happy, painless life however you chose it. The knowledge that I tore the two of you apart has tortured me since the day we left and now I know all your pain was caused by me too. I'm truly sorry and I can understand if you can't forgive me."

"Jasper, it's what I should have expected in a house full of vampires and klutz like me, it was nothing, no blood no foul, he overreacted as always and destroyed my soul in the process, if anyone is to blame it's him. You don't need to apologize and again there is nothing to forgive. Please don't worry about it."

He smiled at me and I returned it before looking at the rest of the Cullen's who were now smiling too. "Welcome home, Bella," Carlisle said before Emmett got me in one of his bone crushing hugs; but this time, I could hug back harder. "Bella, your squashing me," he choked out, everyone fell about laughing. Carlisle and Esme hugged me welcoming me back with open arms, I even got a hug of Rosalie. Jasper smiled and shook my hand and Alice attacked me and made plans for shopping, seeing my shop, a hunt, some girl time to catch up. I was like I had never left and I felt on top of the world, I had my family and friends back; the people who cared about me just as much as I cared about them.

"Just before I hear about what you lot have been up to, I just have one more thing to say, because I need someone else to know, it hard carry the knowledge by myself, I didn't have anyone I could tell until now and don't tell him but even after everything he did to me I still love him, I know it sounds absurd but its true. I believe that, like werewolves with imprinting, that vampires form a very strong bond with their other half, their soul mate, like gravity moves if you will, that he or she is what holds you in place not the earth and you'd do anything and everything for them, be whatever they need and I believe that he was my other half, my soul mate but clearly I'm not his. I can't help but love him. Please don't judge me because I do and I'm in a relationship with Sam, there is only so long you can wait for someone who's not coming."

They all looked pretty shocked. Carlisle finally broke the silence, "We won't tell him, we will support you in whatever you're decide. We would never judge you. We understand. You can depend on us, we're not leaving you again, your family." The rest smiled, in some cases grinned, and nodded in agreement.

"Thank you." It felt absolutely fantastic to feel understood, supported and accepted. It had been too long since I was surrounded by any family, it felt nice to be loved unconditionally, to be supported no matter the cause, to be accepted no matter the difference. And though we didn't always see eye to eye so things we would always look after and help each other through any situation. A sense of belonging washed over me, I was a wonderful feeling to finally belong after so many years of being an outcast, alone. I lifted my shield so Jasper could feel what I was feeling, he turned to me, bowed his head and smiled before turning back to Alice. I had finally found a part of my heart; my family.

Carlisle's curiosity got the better of him before I could ask what they had all been doing with themselves since I last saw them, and he asked about my powers. I told him first of the aversion to human blood, that my distaste for blood as a human had manifested stronger after my change that I wasn't affected by the scent of human blood; which is a useful gift. I told him about leaving Charlie in case it was just shear control stopping me, I didn't want to slip and hurt my father. I told him next of my immense strength, how I had Jo idea why I had the gift, I thought it might have been passed down from Victoria but she wasn't as strong as Emmett. Carlisle seemed baffled by it too. But we did prove I was strongest after I beat Emmett in three arm-wrestling matches which the rest of the family thought was hilarious as they were falling about laughing, even Emmett laughed though probably disappointed he was beaten by a girl. Lastly I told him of the shield. I told him it was a manifestation of the ability for Edward to not read my mind, no nothing can touch me because of the shield. I told him how I learnt to control it and use it for many things, other than protection of myself; I could protect groups of people, protect many individuals at any one time no matter the distance, make invisible objects like the stairs, or screens so people can't enter a room. I told him how hard it was to begin with but it got easier. He was very intrigued, eager to learn more that I couldn't tell him. I could already see theories brewing in his eyes.

Finally I got to ask them what they had been up since I last saw them. They looked like they were hiding something from me but I didn't push the matter. They told me of moving around a lot and finally after may years settling in Alaska, doing the usual façade of high school, keeping themselves to themselves like they did in Forks minus the danger magnet human stealing vampire's hearts. They told me a little about the family falling apart, which I was completely shocked at, I couldn't imagine the Cullen's not as family, and that Alaska seemed to bring them back together. They each told me how much they missed me; Esme was glad she had her daughter back, that she felt lost without me, that her family was now nearly complete, I wanted to ask what the nearly meant but I left it; Carlisle was just as glad to have me back in the family, that he missed the way I noticed everything and the smiles I brought to his family's faces; Emmett missed my amusing ways and all the fun we had together, he told me that when he was human he always wanted a younger sister, and if he had had one he would have wanted her just like me, and when they left he left like he had lost his little sister and he was so happy to have me back; Alice was literally bouncing off the wall with happiness, of them all she missed me most, I was, after all, her best friend, and not having me around, to talk to, to shop, to dress up, to have fun with, took its toll on both of us and she was ecstatic to have me back; Jasper assured me that he missed me, not just the fact that I made Alice happy, because he genuinely missed me, but he didn't miss my scent; Rosalie shocked me, she got up from he seat and hugged me, telling me she really missed me and it was only after she lost me she realised how much she actually loved me and that she finally understood and saw her reasons for hating me were flawed and she wanted to take everything back.

Carlisle was still doing what he did best, saving people's lives. I always thought that vampirism was a gift for Carlisle as it enabled him to do his job so much better, pick up on the things humans may have missed, hear something they cannot, sense something they cannot but then again it could be a curse, yet somehow it had made him a better person, though I doubt, really, that that was true. Esme had been restoring a large house on the outskirts of Juneau which she was determined to sell, though not for the money, for the bringing of happiness that someone has the right home, but when she finally finished she couldn't sell it so she offered it to the Denali's for a second home. Alice got into fashion designing under the label "Coco", which was, as soon as clothing had been produced, one of the top fashion labels and fashion designers in the world and was straight at the top of Paris Fashion Week. I should have known it was Alice, it didn't surprise me at all and I was so happy that she had become so successful at something she loved. Jasper got a job as an American History teacher before they moved to Alaska, he enjoyed it very much, it was interesting for him and taught most of it by memory and personal experience, though his students didn't know it, which gave his lessons that extra something special. Rosalie and Emmett did a bit of travelling before coming home and then moving to Alaska, they travelled most of Europe and parts of Asia seeing all the sights and going places they hadn't been before. No-one brought up Edward which I was glad of; I didn't want to hear of his distractions; it made me feel sick just thinking about it.

I ask them if they wanted to see my shop, it was something I was quite proud of having and I enjoyed it very much; being surround by books. They all obviously agreed, they looked quite excited to see what I had done with myself. We finished our True Bloods before they got into there cars, Alice had a yellow Porshe; Esme came in with Carlisle and his nice, new, black Mercedes; Emmett in some new, kitted out monster Jeep; Rosalie in a beautiful, red convertible, either a Mercedes or a BMW; and Jasper; a beautiful motorbike, I learnt to ride one but never told anyone, Eric wouldn't have of approved. I actually had a bike, nothing near as magnificently beautiful as Jasper's, but it got me from A to B when no-one was looking.

"Jasper, that bike, is totally awesome, what is it?" I asked.

"It's a Harley-Davidson Dyna Wide Glide in vivid black with flames, its fast, very fast. I didn't know you had a fancy for motorcycles, Bella?"

"Oh yes, I'm quite a rebel you know, I have a bike in my garage, hidden away at the back, Sam and Eric didn't approve but I can't help what I have a passion for, I've saved up to get a better one, something quite beautiful, the CVO Fat Bob in Opal Blue with Hellfire Flames, have you seen it?" I was getting quite excited now.

"We could come and get it with you, if you like," he gestured to his family, "then we could race back here, if you want," he smiled at me.

"We could stop at my shop on the way, that would be most awesome, thank you Jasper," I grinned in response.

"My pleasure," was his only reply as he revved his bike. I quickly jumped into Alice's Porsche as we sped of to my shop.

Jasper had beaten everyone there, though I wasn't surprised, though I was surprised he knew where he was going, me and Alice came in second, Rose third, closely followed by Carlisle and Esme and Emmett coming in last. He pouted like Alice did as I let them in my pride and joy.

My book-store wasn't as big or as flashy as Borders and places like that. It didn't have it's own in store Starbucks. But at least my customer came first, and my store was homely and my customers were wanted for their company as well as their custom; that's what I kept telling myself at least. The Cullen's walked around, looking at what I had done with the place. Esme looked especially pleased, she could tell that I had restored the place myself, taking extra care to preserve all of the original details which gave the building it's character.

"Bella, I'm so proud of you, you have done this building justice in your restoration," she beamed at me.

"Well, Esme, I learnt only from the best," I beamed back at her so she knew I was referring to her.

"I really like what you've done with the place, Bella, its quaint; almost old-fashioned; just like us" Carlisle noted.

"Well, I was trying to make a replica of your office, how each thing had it's place and how organised it was, and the décor; maybe just a little different, but that was the aim, I don't think I got it right though, the memory of your office is a little vague."

"I think you done an excellent job." Carlisle replied to my babbling.

Alice and Rose were in the centre of the room, staring up at the ceiling, the rest of the family who were dotted around looking at various shelves, with a few books in their hands, all seemed to notice them staring and congregated in the middle with them. There, hanging from the ceiling was a chandelier, and a very big one at that, it used to be for candles but I had rewired it for the electric light, using bulbs that looking like candles.

"Where did you get that," Alice asked, as she continued to stare at it, "It's beautiful."

"That it is, Alice, actually it was Bill Compton's, it was in the house that he bought, just off Hummingbird Road, he didn't want it but couldn't bare to throw it away so I saved it, wired it up for the electric light and hung it there, I thought it best suited this room rather than any of the rooms back at my house."

"Wow, little sis, you're awesome," Emmett said as he marvelled at my handy work.

"Yes, well, you're awesome, little sis wants to go buy a death machine."

"Ok," they all seemed to reply in unison as they tore there eyes away from my lighting.

It wasn't far from my shop to the nearest Harley Davidson dealership, it was just on the outskirts of Hotshot, owned by Tray Dawson. The transaction didn't take long, I told him what bike I wanted, he luckily had one left in stock on the showroom floor, I paid by cash and bought a leather riding suit and helmet as well. I quickly slipped it on in the staff bathroom as Tray let me while he filled it with gas.

As I came outside with helmet in hand, I got some unnecessary wolf whistles from Jasper and Emmett, I could swear Carlisle did too, but I couldn't be too sure.

"Easy boys, you've all got partners and so do I, and he would kill me if he saw me right now. Is it ok if we raced to Fangtasia because I need to be at work soon, although I really don't want to be, not after last night, which I'm still sorry about, but I have to for Eric, please?"

"Bella, do not apologize, it is ok, you did nothing wrong, we should be the one's apologizing," Carlisle replied.

"Yes, Bella, you have no reason to feel guilty for what you did, it was just your way of getting out and we understand that, plus we deserved it anyway, after what we did," Jasper added.

"Ok, ok, I get the point, can we ride now please?"

"Ok, but bet first, I bet that Bella's going to kick your ass." Emmett said before laughing.

"You're on."

"I second Emmett's bet." I added.

"And I second Jasper's," Rosalie said.

"I'm not betting, because if I bet then you'll know who's won and I'm not telling" Alice chimed before jumping in her car.

As soon as everyone was in their cars or on their bikes, Tray came out. I revved my engine as Tray counted down from ten

"10......9......8......7......6......5......4......3.......2......1......GO!!"

* * *

It was a tight race, but I was still in the lead as I could see Fangtasia's red neon lights in the distance. I could feel Jasper presence behind me, his engine roaring as he tried to overtake me; but I was just too fast, I sped off, one wheel in the air to show off, before coming serious again and carried on with the final stretch.

I just turned onto the road where Fangtasia was when he came in front of me from nowhere, but I was determined not to let Jasper win, so I floored the accelerator and flew passed him before he knew what had happened. Before I knew it I was at the car park turn in, I sped around the corner, Jasper still right up my ass as I turned to check he was still there. As I turned back I saw a face in the darkness, a person, I quickly applied the brake, sliding sideways across the car park floor, rubber on my new wheels burning as I came to an upright halt in front of an extremely livid vampire.

**[A/N: Guys I am so sorry that this took so long, you all deserve an explanation so here it is. I got myself a new laptop for university and I was transferring file from my old one to my new one via a memory stick, well I thought I put it on the stick so I deleted what I had done which was literally the first three pages. When I came to upload the documents it wasn't there, and I had no way of getting it back so I spent days trying to remember what I had written because it was **_**really**_** good. Then, to add insult to injury, I fell ill so I couldn't do any writing. But here it is now, and I hope it was worth the wait. Review if you want, but reviews make my day so more the merrier. And thanks for being such a great bunch of supportive fans :D Emma-MasenCullen x]**


	9. Rage

Rage

There he stood his eyes, darks pools leading straight to an abyss. He couldn't see me; I had my visor down but I'm sure he knew who I was. We had our gazes locked until only a few moments Jasper came grinding to halt behind me, and I spun my head to see him and quickly spun back as a loud hiss came from the other vampire's mouth. Jasper turned off his engine and came to stand behind me as the rest of the family filed into the car park. Soon I was surrounded by my friends and family whom were all glaring at the man who stood before me. Finally, after the shock had subsided, I turned off my engine and climbed off my bike. I turned to face him who eyes were flicking from me to the bike before finally coming to rest on me, his glare boring into my soul. I stare back for a while then pulled my helmet off, my hair falling out, cascading down my back. I looked back at the man before me who's eyes had widened beyond belief but still full of rage. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could even speak his words, I glared at him and turned away, and shouted to Emmett;

"Hey, Emmett, we won that bet, kicked Jasper's ass by a mile, anyone what a TrueBlood, they're on me."

I got a few "yeah's" as I stalked off towards the bar. He had no right to look at me like that, he had no right to tell me what I could or couldn't do, he gave up that right many years ago. And it wasn't like he was doing it because he cared, if he cared he wouldn't have left me. I was livid at how he thought he could treat me. I walked into the office to see Eric and I threw the door open so hard it came off it's hinges and shattered to the floor.

"What got you in a bad mood?" Eric asked without even looking up from his paperwork, but he didn't when I punched a hole in his wall. "Hey, what's your problem? Do you have to go around punching in people's walls and breaking people's doors?"

"I'm sorry, it's just...I can't believe...he such a.....arghh!!" I spluttered.

"Ok, sit down and tell me about it, Darling," he said in a soothing tone.

"Edward fricking Cullen, that's what my problem is, he such a fricking twat, I mean, if I want to go around on incredibly beautiful and danger motorbike then I will, he can't look at me like I'm his property and he can't tell me what I can and cannot do, please I'm god knows how old, I've been living by myself for year and managed perfectly well on my own for years, I've been in a few fight and came out on top, how dare he try and tell me how to live my life. I will not stand for it." The words just flew out my mouth like I had been holding them in for ages

"It's ok Bella, I don't like the idea of you on a motorbike but it's your choice, your decision and your life and I will not stand in the way of that, you know that. And no he has no right, he, after all, did leave you and therefore forfeit that right, not that he would have had the right to control your decisions in the first place. You have to tell him how you feel about him trying to control you because it's not right and has to know."

"Thank you, Eric, and is it ok if I do a rock night tonight, it would kind of go with the sexy biker thing, don't you think," I asked as I winked at him.

"Oh yes, indeed, very sexy, go, sing, rock out with a guitar, whatever makes you happy, Darling."

"Thanks Eric!" I chimed as I kissed him on the cheek. I felt a little better, but I was still pissed off about Edward trying to control me. I went back into the bar, I had fifteen minutes before opening so I went to sit with the Cullens. Luckily, someone had locked Edward outside, I had a feeling that it may have been Alice. They all looked as livid as I did. As I sat down, Emmett spoke,

"Sometime I could just punch him in the face, no-one tells my little sister what she can and cannot do, she's her own free woman, she can do what she likes, he can't control her."

"Well said, Emmett, I agree, he can't treat a lady like that, it's not right, especially someone who is family." Jasper said, his tone harsh in his strong Southern accent.

"Yes, but Edward is family too. And we all know how he is, especially now. We can't be too hard on him, we all know he's had a hard time recently." Carlisle added once Jasper had finished. I didn't understand what he meant when he said Edward was having a hard time recently, and my curiosity struck and wanted to know, but I had to ask them later, I had to go rock out on stage.

**Edward POV**

I could hear them as they rode closer to Fangtasia. I was waiting in the parking lot for them. They did say we would be going this evening but they disappeared during the day so I didn't know what time we were getting there for. It was then when I heard it, Jasper thought that he had better speed up otherwise Bella was going to kick his ass, on her new bike when he had been riding one since before she was born and then Emmett would win his bet and never let him live it down.

As I let his thoughts sink in I realized what he had said. Bella was on a motorbike. Rage washed over me; what was she thinking she could have gotten herself killed. How could she be so stupid, so reckless? Why was she so prone to life-threatening idiocy; did she have no self preservation? I began to pace; so worried that something might have happened to her yet so livid that she would have even considered it in the first place.

They were getting closer as their thoughts grew louder. I heard Jasper's triumphed thought as he overtook Bella, how could he let her do this, how could any of them? Jasper's thoughts changed again as Bella over took him again, riding on one wheel showing off. If vampire could be sick I would have been at the thought of Bella doing something so dangerous, risking her life even more just to show of to Jasper. As my rage deepened I could my eyes turn the darkest shade of coal. It was then when I heard the screeching as Bella was grinding to halt in front of me, rubber burning of her tyres as they rubbed against the floor. She stopped upright, inches from me, her engine revving as I stared down at her. I couldn't tell if she was looking back, the visor of her helmet was down. At least she wore the proper clothing and helmet; but this small act of safety precaution wasn't enough to reduce my anger; I was livid. She shouldn't have been on a bike in the first place.

We continued to stare at each other for what seemed and immeasurable amount of time until Jasper grinder to a halt behind Bella, slightly more graceful than Bella had managed, looking as livid as I did but for probably totally different reasons. Soon after the rest of the family arrived. I realised that Bella was shielding them as one minute their thoughts were there, next second they were gone. This only angered me further, how dare she block me out of my own family's minds, she had no right to interfere.

Eventually, she turned off her engine and climbed off the bike. She then took off her helmet; I watched as her long, chocolate hair cascaded down her back and I remembered why I was here; too apologize. It would have to wait. I stood their and took in the woman before me; Bella was stunning; looking incredibly sexy in the leather; though to me she always looked sexy though I never said it too her face.

I had just opened my mouth to tell her that she was so stupid and reckless; that she shouldn't be riding one of those death machines because they were so dangerous and she could get hurt when she turned; glared at me, shouted to Emmett saying "Hey, Emmett, we won that bet, kicked Jasper's ass by a mile, anyone what a TrueBlood, they're on me," before walking off to the club. I couldn't be more angry than I was in that moment; how dare she walk away from me. How dare she ignore what I was about to tell her. If I wasn't so in love with her I swear I would have pinned her to the ground and made her listen to me.

The rest of my family turned with her and walked away into the club; had I just been deserted by my own family? I pinched the bridge of my nose to try and regain some composure before following them inside. I tried the door that they entered but it was locked so I went round to the main entrance and found that it was locked too. Why had they locked me out, I knew I had maybe overreacted just a little about Bella riding a motorbike, after all she is more durable and very much stronger than she was when she was human. I decided to wait it out until they opened officially; I wasn't going to go away defeated because they locked me out so I went back to my car until they opened. Moments later, I heard metal twist and snap and wood clattering to the floor then the sound of concrete shatter.

Then there was nothing; just an eerie silence. No thoughts. No speech. I assumed that Bella was spreading her shield across the whole building. I was surprised at how much she had accomplished with her abilities, it made me wonder what more she could learn from them, what more she could do with them. And I had missed her so terribly. I wanted a forever with her but I didn't want her to get hurt because of my presence in her life so I did what I thought was best. Yet; despite my efforts, she was still hurt; by me. If I had the chance to go back in time and change the past I would never had left. And I would have turned her myself if she so wished it; that way it would be my venom to poison her system and forge a quantifiable bond between us other than love, which could not be easily broken. I would have taught her all she needed to know and she would have been surrounded by friends and family; she would not have had to go through it all alone.

I closed of that train of thought; trying not to focus too much on the past as it only brought with it a deep, inescapable depression so I focused on the here and now, and how I was going to win back her heart after all that I done to unintentionally break it. Would she even know I felt this way about her; she believed me so easily that day when I spoke the lie that tore us apart. Would she even be able to forgive me for speaking that lie? There was only way to find out and that was to tell her the truth, to see how she reacted and beg her for forgiveness.

Other peoples cars had began to pull into the parking lot and the queue to get in was trailing back down the length of the building. I thought now would be best time to get out my car before the queue got any longer. I waited like everyone else to get. Luckily, Pam wasn't on the door, some other vampire that I never met before was there instead so it was easy for me to slip inside. Once there I didn't know what to do, whether I should have gone to sit with my family or not, whether they would still want me there; not knowing what to do I went to sit at an empty table that overlooked the stage.

I didn't notice she had arrived on stage until the crowds started cheering. She was still wearing what she wore when we had our silent exchange outside. Her tight fitted leather pants hugged her curves perfectly; she had taken her riding jacket off to reveal a tight black tank top which showed of all her assets and a pair of heavy duty Docs only half laced. If my heart had of been beating it would have surely stopped. She looked so incredibly sexy which only made me want her more. To me; she had always been very sexy in her own special way but there was something about her new and different; a wild and rebellious side which I had never known about, which just made her even more sexually appealing and it seemed pretty much ever guy and some of girls in club were thinking the same thing too.

I so desperately want to be angry with them for thinking such things about Bella but I found myself just staring at her; nothing or no-one could tear my eyes away from her; she was so beautiful. As I stared all the thoughts about leaving her and what I had done to her came back; everything about how idiotic I was for leaving; my original motives behind it; I questioned everything and as I stared at her beautiful face I realised my own worse fear; even if she did forgive me, she had outgrown me. She would not want me back.

As I let this horrifying realization sink in I listened to her sing; apparently they decided to theme the night on short notice and it was to be rock night.

"Hey y'all, sorry about the short notice but tonight is rock night so I'm going to be singing a lot more songs with drum and bass; and I'll even be playing guitar for a change but first up is a song which kind of suits me right now so here's 'Gives You Hell by The All-American Rejects;

I wake up every evening

With a big smile on my face

And it never feels out of place.

And you're still probably working

At a 9 to 5 pace

I wonder how bad that tastes

When you see my face

I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell

When you walk my way

I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell

Now where's your picket fence love

And where's that shiny car

Did it ever get you far?

You never seem so tense, love

Never seen you fall so hard

Do you know where you are?

Truth be told I miss you

Truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face

I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell

When you walk my way

I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell

If you find a man that's worth the damn and treats you well

Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell

Hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself

Where did it all go wrong?

But the list goes on and on

Truth be told I miss you

Truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face

I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell

When you walk my way

I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell

If you find a man that's worth the damn and treats you well

Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell

Now you'll never see

What you've done to me

You can take back your memories

They're no good to me

And here's all your lies

If you look me in the eyes

With the sad, sad look

That you wear so well

When you see my face

I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell

When you walk my way

I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell

If you find a man that's worth the damn and treats you well

Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell

When you see my face

I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell (hope it gives you hell)

When you walk my way

I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell (hope it gives you hell)

When you hear this song and you sing along well you'll never tell

And you're the fool I've just as well I hope it gives you hell

When you hear this song I hope that it will give you hell

You can sing along I hope that it puts you through hell."

As she was singing I realised that she was singing it to me and the words stung especially when she sang "truth be told I miss you, and truth be told I'm lying," and "take back memories, there no good to me," because the memories I had with her were the best I ever had, of all my years of existing the best of my existence was when I was with her and I missed her every single day since I tore us apart. And to be honest it did hurt to see her face because for years I had to live without the beauty of her face, then I thought she was dead so I was never to see it again and now, even though I get to look upon her beauty; I can tell she hates me and that I will never be with her again.

She started her next song; Golden Years by David Bowie; followed by Pain by Jimmy Eats World, Living On A Prayer by Bon Jovi, Sweet Child O'mine by Guns N' Roses, House of Rising Sun by The Animals and Hey Jude by the Beatles.

After she had finished her last song before her break, she disappeared into the crowd; I tried to find her but she was nowhere to be seen, I even checked with my own family but she wasn't there either. She had to be on the building because I still couldn't read the thoughts of my family; that was unless she could shield things from a great distance away; then she could have been anywhere. I did a quick search around the club but I could find her nowhere, I had so much I wanted to tell her, so much I wanted to say but I especially wanted to apologise for earlier because I knew that I was wrong, if she wanted to ride a motorbike then she could; I wasn't in control of her life and I should have respected that, but I didn't. I saw Eric come out of his office, I thought maybe she would be with him but she wasn't.

Moments later I saw her reappear on the stage, but still I had no idea where she came from. She introduced her next song and began to sing. The evening continued pretty much the same, every time she had a break, she would disappear and I would look for her to avail. Then when her break had ended she would reappear on the stage as if she had always been there. Throughout all this time, her shield never did once falter, so the thoughts of my family remained concealed from me. I always thought it would be a relief not to hear everything that my family was thinking, but now that I had my ability taken away, I felt quite irritated that I couldn't . But everything disappeared as she sang; everything I felt, everything I thought, everything instinct just melted away at the sound of her angelic voice; even if she was singing rock, her voice was still the most captivating voice in the universe. I couldn't help but listen to her; I couldn't help but watch her, I just couldn't tear my eyes away from her. I was still adjusting to her being a vampire and sometimes her increased beauty took me by surprise; dazzled me as she used to say and I would find myself just staring at her like we were the only two people in the room. And how I wished it was that way, how I wished it could be just us two, forever, all past regrets and wrongs wiped away, and we could be happy together. If only, if only.

I was taken away from my daydreaming as she announced her final song,

"So y'all this is my last song for the evening. It's one of my favourites and has a special significance in my life. I hope you enjoy my rendition of it, this is Purple Rain by Prince,

I never meant to cause you any sorrow

I never meant to cause you any pain

I only wanted one time to see you laughing

I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain

I only wanted to see you bathing in the purple rain

I never wanted to be your weekend lover

I only wanted to be some kind of friend, hey

Baby, I could never steal you from another

It's such a shame our friendship had to end

Purple rain, purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain

I only wanted to see you underneath the purple rain

Honey, I know, I know, I know times are changing'

It's time we all reach out for something new, that means you too

You say you want a leader, but you can't seem to make up your mind

And I think you better close it and let me guide you to the purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain

If you know what I'm singing' about up here, come on raise your hand

Purple rain, purple rain

I only want to see you, only want to see you in the purple rain."

As usual, the crowds cheered and whistled as she finished the song. She bowed as usual and she smiled and waved before motioning the crowds to quiet down. When they were quiet enough so people could hear their own voices, she spoke,

"Thank you all so much for coming tonight, it was my pleasure to sing for you all. Tomorrow I'll be doing a Motown night so if you have any ideas just pop them behind the bar before you leave, see y'all tomorrow night!" Then she disappeared of the stage to her dressing room. I decided that now was the best opportunity to try and talk to her; most of the other vampires had left the club; I could see my family lingering in the corner, no doubtably waiting for Bella to come out. I thought it best that I wait by the employee exit then decided to change my mind; I didn't want Alice to see so I would make the decision last minutes so she wouldn't know so I'd stopping her chances of forewarning everyone where I was to be. I waited until she had left her dressing room and I began to follow her. She quickened her pace but I still followed determined to apologise. She continued to increase her pace as she tried to avoid talking to me but I continued to match it.

I followed her to her bike; she was no more than five paces ahead of me and I could feel the presence of the rest of the family close behind me. As I walked I began my apology,

"Bella, I want to..." before I could say anymore she interrupted me, turning away from her bike to glare at me as she began,

"What is it that you want Edward; to tell me that I'm stupid and reckless. To tell me that I'm not allowed to ride a motorbike. To tell me I shouldn't be so dangerous and careless with my existence. Is that what you want to tell me,"

I tried to interrupt her but it only made it worse as the rest of the family watched our heated argument; "I don't want to hear it, Edward, I don't want to hear another word from your mouth. I don't give a shit about what you have to say or your opinion or anything else for that matter. I couldn't care less. You gave up the right to tell me how I can and can't live my life a long time ago; in fact you never had that right. I am my own, free person and I shall do as I please without your advisement. And why do you care? It's not like you want anything to do with me; you left me in a forest alone, no way of knowing how to get home; you turned me into a zombie for months and you single handedly destroyed my soul so it's not like you give a fuck what's going to happen to me now, is it? Get out of my face Edward Cullen. I don't want anything more to do with you so just fuck off."

And with that she climbed onto her bike; revved the engine and stormed away. I stood there; frozen in complete shock at how she just spoke to me and what she had just said. The next emotion after shock was pain; as the piercing of her words cut through my stone, dead heart savagely. Her words tore at my heart as she told me that I had destroyed her soul; and ripped away at me as said she no longer cared about me and shattered my soul when she screamed that she just wanted nothing more than for me to go away and leave her alone. What really crushed me further was the fact that I was the sole reason to blame for everything. She didn't want to see me because I had hurt her; if I hadn't have left I wouldn't have been in the situation I was in now. I truly was a monster of the worst kind; the kind that hurt people, and I could bear to think of how much pain I had actually caused, not just to Bella, but to everyone else as well.

After the pain, there was only rage. I couldn't believe she spoke to me in such a manner when I only ever wanted the best for her. I couldn't believe how she wanted to endanger herself like that, did she have no sense of self preservation at all? I couldn't believe how harsh her words were, striking at my heart like a bullet to the chest. How did she manage to keep herself alive for so long when she acted so recklessly as she did? She may have been a grown woman but she surely didn't act like it, she acted like more of a stupid teenager just trying to defy her parents.

I began to pace, trying to relieve my anger but it just wasn't working. I felt much better when my fist collided with the nearest tree, although the tree had never done anything to me, I tore it to shreds, turning it to dust, just so I could let off some steam. I thought of the tree as me, I was tearing myself apart for all the hurt and pain I had caused Bella so she felt the need to endanger herself by riding that death trap of a motor-vehicle. Deep down I knew I deserved every punishment under the sun for what I had done to her.

The fact that I still loved her only furthered my rage. For one, I knew that this was all my doing and if I had just listened to my heart that day we would have had a forever together, now I had no idea how I was going to get her back, not after the way she had just spoke to me, with such contempt and hate, there was no hope in winning back her heart back now, I had broken it beyond recognition and that was something which wasn't easily forgiven. I had been selfish, if I had listened instead of being that arrogant idiot I always was, I would be happy and loved by the only woman who ever held my heart but like that arrogant fool I was I didn't and I destroyed the only good thing that had happened to me in such a long time. All hope was lost, I would never get her back, not now. I left too much mess and destruction to come back again. The other reason was the way I treated her, I always did what I wanted, when it should have done anything she wanted because it was all about her, it was all for her. If she had asked me to worship the ground she walked on I would have. I would have climbed mountains and swam oceans for her if she asked me. Yet I didn't tell her this? I should have done whatever she wished but I didn't, I, yet again, was selfish and stubborn with my own way and as a result she ended up getting hurt by me and others. I should have listened when she begged me to stay. I should have done as she asked, for not only was it what I wanted, I should have done it because she asked me too. She was my only reason to stay alive, after I thought she was dead it was only the memory of Bella's anger when I told her I'd follow soon after that held me back, she said the world needed me to exist, that it wouldn't be the same without me there, like the sun had gone drastically changing everything for the worse.

I began to walk home; I wasn't in a rush to be there. As I walked I stared at the stars, Bella once said she liked the night for she could see the stars. They seemed to be shining extra brightly that night. I continued to stare as I walked until I stopped in sheer amazement as a comet flew across the sky. I had never seen one before and it reminded me that miracles do happen all the time.

And for the first time in a long time I felt hope that it would turn out alright in the end.

**Bella POV**

I rode and rode until I finally stopped in the middle of nowhere. I was furious; totally enraged at Edward; how dare he try and tell me what to do and how I should lead my life. He had no right to start telling me what I was allowed to do or not, I was a grown a woman who managed to keep herself existing for longer than she cared to remember; I didn't need life coaching lesson now; especially from the man who tore my life apart, creating this mess.

I began to pace; something I did when I was angry; but I was beyond angry and I needed to let off some steam. Luckily, in the place I was were many boulders so I began punching them; smashing them to sand wishing it was Edward I was breaking because that was what he deserved. I was so wound up I felt like screaming.

Why did he always have to do this to me? Was he just intent on destroying me? Or annoying me to death? And it's not like he cared so why did he even bothered to sound like he did. Probably just trying to toy with my heart, become one of his numerous distractions. But I wasn't having any of that; he would not break me again.

The fact deep down I knew I still loved him only increased my rage. For one reason he had hurt me beyond belief. He had left me in the middle of the forest with no way of knowing how to get home. He didn't help me once I was well and truly lost; just waiting for the cold to kill me. He didn't save me in my months of the living dead. He broke my heart and soul with a single phrase and laid the pain out for all to see. He broke his promise; he existed in my mind, making me crazy. He left me unprotected which caused me to become a vampire. And he never once came back. The other reason was the way he treated me. I didn't mind all the overprotective hero stuff when I was weak and human; it was romantic having my own knight in shining armour to save me whenever I needed it. But now, in this life, it was nothing more than damned frustrating. My strength was greater than that of Emmett's and even Felix had a hard time beating me so what makes him think I need his protection? What makes him think I would cause myself harm if I fell off my motorcycle? Nothing could hurt me now; only fire and werewolves which isn't going to be happening any time soon in the werewolves cause seeing as I am friend of the pack so they can't touch me. And nothing could touch my mind unless I wanted it too so again why did he think I needed his assistance or advice? I was strong enough and powerful enough to be able to look after myself. Did he not know that I had been offered a place as the highest ranking officer in the Volturi? Higher than Jane? Closing in on Aro, Marcus and Caius themselves? Didn't he know I nearly accepted that way of life? To become a fearless and ruthless killer, just to uphold the law, to be feared by all our kind? Did he not know that I was the most elite of our kind, nothing could hold me back, nothing could bring me down? Did he not know me at all?

Unfortunately, there was only one thing that could bring me down and it was him. He had the power to break me and he wielded it so well, destroying me the first time, now tearing away piece by piece at everything I had tried to rebuild for myself. But I wasn't going to have it anymore. He would not bring me down, destroy me and take all I had, not again, I would not let it happen. From now on, it will be as if he never existed, I would not acknowledge him, not even to glare, I would not speak of him or to him, I would not think about him in any way, not even to plan ways to kill him. As for the voices, they seemed to have disappeared, they no longer show when I ride and I don't go looking for trouble so maybe they have gone forever. Regrettably, my feelings were not something that could disappear, so I would not act, speak or think of them, they would forever remain locked away in the deep prison of my heart.

My pacing slowed as I calmed down, I felt better now that I had planned out what I was going to do and I had smashed up a few boulders to relieve some stress. I laid down on the ground and looked up at the stars, I always liked the night because you could see the stars. I never saw stars very often in Forks, it was always too cloudy and rainy for them to shine. But here in the lovely state of Louisiana, I saw them pretty much every night, shining brightly down on the world, giving me hope that everything would turn out alright in the end.

I got up, climbed back onto my bike, started it up before taking one last look at the stars and whispered, "Everything will be alright in the end."

And with that I raced back home.

**[A/N: OME, fastest update in the history of my WTPCAK updates. Well, here's the new chapter for you all to enjoy, hope you like and that you spare a moment of your time to brighten my day by leaving a review. Thanks! E-M-C ^^ ]**


	10. Run

**[A/N: Congratulation if you are reading this, that means we have finally reached Chapter 10. Thanks for all the kind reviews, they mean a lot and without them I wouldn't be this far. You are the greatest bunch of followers and I appreciate everything you've said and done. Thank you :) Now on with the chapter...]**

Run

**Bella's POV**

It wasn't long until I reached home. It was nice to be somewhere where I was at peace with everything, it allowed me to forgot about all that had happened, everything that was said and all the was done. I always tried to leave my emotional baggage at the door so I avoided arguments with Sam about things I really didn't want to talk about; sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't but it was better than always fighting. I liked peace and tranquillity at home as work was so stressful. I wanted to be able to have a place were I could relax without it being a place where I'd associate more stress too. That was the way that I liked my house, and luckily, that was the way Sam liked it too.

When I arrived there, most of the lights were on, my face lit up as I realised that Sam was home and still awake. It was sometimes hard living with a partially human boyfriend because whereas I could stay awake forever; never tiring although sometime I didn't feel quite like the case; Sam had to have a few hours sleep a night otherwise he would get mardy and grouchy which makes me not what to be around him. I smiled as I walked up the path and slid my key into the door as I let myself in. When I opened the door I was greeted by a familiar yet out-of-place scent; it was definitely vampire for sure but none of the Cullens or Eric, but I knew I knew it. I called out to Sam and he replied that he was in the living room; he sounded a little breathless but I didn't think nothing of it. I hung up my riding jacket and shoved my boots under the stairs before joining him only to find he was not alone. Sat in the armchair across the room from Sam was Pam, Eric's second in command and my make-up artist and stylist; she was the vampiric scent I couldn't place.

Something about the situation didn't seem right, sure I knew Pam, but to make house calls? I wouldn't say I knew her _that_ well. Then she didn't seem right; she looked a little edgy, her hair messed up slightly when it usually was always to perfection and I'd never know Pam to take her shoes off anywhere, not even at Eric's place, but there they were on the floor next to her bag. Then I realised I was reading way too much into the situation and my mind was just going into overload after the day I had. She wasn't at work today, maybe she'd been partying but had to tell me something so stopped here on her way home and Sam had asked her to take her shoes of, which seemed more realistic. I was going crazy; more like I was being sent crazy by a certain someone. I let out the breath I was holding and greeted her,

"Hey Pam, what brings you here?" I asked politely as I went to sit next to Sam on the sofa. He kissed my head once I was seated, wrapping his arms around me.

"Just wanted to see how everything went at work and how you were, Eric was on the phone to me, sounded pretty epic," she replied, clearly sounding very concerned.

"I suppose you could say that, you're going to have to find Eric a new door and a plasterer to mend his wall, I punched a hole in it, sorry. I'm fine, work was fine too." I tried to sound unphased but the whole situation but it didn't work as well as I had hoped. "Did Eric tell you I'm doing a motown night tomorrow?"

"Yes, that's why I'm here, are we going the whole motown era clothing or not?"

"Whatever you'd think is best, expert stylist."

"Well, I'd better be off, better get cracking with tomorrows outfits."

"Ok, thanks for stopping by, Pam."

"Y'welcome."

Sam showed her out and came back then it was just me and him. Bliss. Alone time with Sam was always a precious, special moment. With our jobs and situations, things usually got in the way so when we had time alone it was always magical. Sometimes I felt guilty because Sam was giving his all when I only ever gave a fraction of what I was capable of. Most of the time I didn't think about it; I didn't want to soil the mood with my depressing musings. I put my feet up on the couch as he brought in a TrueBlood, putting in my hands as he lifted up my head; carefully placing it back on his lap. He stared down at me as I drank; removing the bottle when I had finished with it. He continued to stare down at me for what seemed to be an immeasurable amount of time when he finally gave in to the temptation to kiss me. This kiss wasn't needy or passionate or sensual...it was slow and loving. He lifted me off the couch and stood me on my feet. As he leant in his heart began to race a thousand times faster than before. His body language gave away that he was very conscious to everything around him. In that moment it felt like the world had stopped spinning and all was quiet. He closed his eyes, removing the gap between us, and as our lips touched it was as if the whole world had fallen into a thousands of tiny pieces; leaving only me and him. I gently put my arms around his neck, standing on my tip-toes so I could reach as he slid his arms around my waist.

That was when the adrenaline kicked in and the kiss deepened, becoming more and more passionate as he lifted me off the floor wrapping my legs around his waist. He didn't only kiss my lips, but he trailed kisses down my neck as I slowly tipped my head back in his arms, letting my hair fall back exposing more of my neck; feeling his lips explore my skin until I had had enough torture I pulled his lips back to mine. He pulled me tighter to him as he carried me up the stairs, into our room before dropping us onto the bed. He carefully balanced over me, allowing none of his weight to touch me, not that it would have made any difference, as he looked into my eyes with a smile on his lips while he told me that he loved me. Then his lips came crushing down more; fire and passion in his kiss; lust and need in his eyes and the way his hands roamed over my body I could tell that there was want there too.

Let's just say the rest of the night...and morning for that matter... was utter ecstasy.

It was midday when I finally decided to get out of bed; luckily it was a Sunday so I didn't have to open the store today. Besides my moment with Sam when I arrived home, my mind was still full of the earlier events of last night and as I thought of it the more angry I became. I stormed about of bed to the shower hoping that the warm water would relax me but it did little use. Sam had already left for work, Merlotte's opened at midday on a Sunday so I was left in the house alone. After my shower I threw on some comfy clothes, went downstairs and got myself a TrueBlood out the fridge. As I waiting for it to heat up I was pacing the kitchen floor, angry all over again. I couldn't seem to understand why he'd think he could order me around like he owned me; he had no right to. Then I realised I had broken my own rules by thinking about him. Why did he always have to fuck around with my life? I wanted nothing more than to tear him limb from limb myself throw them in a fire and watch the billows of purple smoke fill the sky.

I was brought back to reality by the sound of my microwave. As I drank I vowed that he shall do spoil my Sunday, not matter what he does or say, I will not pay any attention and it shall not affect me. I didn't have to be at Fangtasia until five to eight so I had several hours on my hands to do something with. So I made a flash decision and called Alice.

"Alice speaking," she spoke, he voice still sounded like chiming bells.

"Alice, it's Bella."

"Bella? I didn't see you decide to call, what's up?"

"Flash decision. Need a girly day shopping to cheer me up, your brother actions yesterday are still pissing me off and I need to take my mind of it before work tonight or I'll never be able to step on the stage."

"I never thought I'd see the day you'd want to go shopping freely, I guess I can thank my brother for that. Me and the rest of the family are disgusted with him too, especially Carlisle and Esme. God knows what he was thinking, I didn't even see anything until it was too late. Sorry about that. Me, Esme and Rose will be at your place in fifteen minutes then we'll hit the mall in Shreveport or would you like to go Monroe or Dallas perhaps?"

"Yes well sometimes your brother can bring the worst out in me. Yes, I can imagine they are, I can imagine that Em and Jazz are pretty pissed too, seeing as Jazz is always so very gentlemanly despite any situation and his behaviour would have appalled him and Em wouldn't be able to stand anyone talking like that to his baby sister," I laughed a little despite myself, "It's alright about not being able to see what he was going to do, I can imagine that was a flash decision too, after seeing me and my bike. Monroe would be good, never really been there."

"See you in fifteen. And don't worry about him, he'll be punished for being such an arsehole, I've seen visions of Em ripping limbs off."

"That's good to know. See you soon."

I rushed back upstairs to change into something Alice would think was suitable and stylish enough to be able to go shopping in. Alice will be Alice and she'd no doubtably come back with bagfuls of clothes for both me and her because she always hated the way I dressed. I never understood that, what was wrong with skinny jeans, band tees and Chucks? I always liked them, so that's what I wore, a pair of dark navy skinny jeans; a Beatles tee and a pair of new, blue Chucks Sam had given me for no reason in particular.

It was only moments later when Alice and the others arrived. Alice, as I previously guessed, didn't like my choice of outfit. She thought it wasn't very in with the fashion, and I didn't really care. Rose, as ever, looked stunning in what she was wearing; she could probably wear a black bin bag and still look fabulous. Esme still looked as motherly and beautiful as ever with her heart shaped face and caramel curls. After "hellos" and "how are yous" we all hopped into Rose's M3 an sped off to Monroe.

We arrived by one o'clock; Rose drives like the devil. That gave us five hours shopping time, which to Alice was nowhere near enough, she like to shop from opening to closing, it wasn't my fault that I was having a lazy morning, especially after what happen the other day. We started out at Perrine Bruyere, a French designer that Alice loved who designed the most amazing dresses. I bought a beautiful red dress with black lace pattern over the right breast and a studded bust jewel pocket dress which Alice thought would go great with my whole "rock chick" image. We stopped off at Gucci, D&G, Nina Ricci where Alice and Rose came out with bagfuls of beautiful clothes. Esme and I only had two bags each, she had a long evening dress in midnight blue. It was beaded all the way down, with beautiful designs across the breast line and it the ruffles at the bottom of the dress and strapless and it tied together at the back. She was telling that she need an extra special dress as her and Carlisle were celebrating an extra special anniversary this year. We all thought that the dress she had chosen was perfection for such an occasion. Other than the two dresses I bought from Perrine Bruyere, I bought one other from a small fashion designer based in Monroe. It was a strapless dress with a sequin bust, a metallic ruched panel and a high shine skirt, another rock chick dress said Alice.

We went to a quaint little café which was called Dazzle Me; it was a vampire café serving TrueBlood and animal blood with fancy names which sounded like they were meant to be cocktails like Trojan Horse, Tiger Temptation and Cheetah Paw. We sat down at the corner table with bottle of our favourite animal blood each. We talked about how things were back at the Cullen residence, how things were going at High School but thinking about just quitting and concentrating on their "secret" professions, I knew of Alice's and Jasper's but I didn't know Rose's or Emmett's. Rose told me that she was into archaeology and was planning on doing a couple of digs in Egypt and Peru and Emmett was thinking about going into Law, though he would have a study through College first, it was something that interested him especially with the Great Revelation he could specialise in both human and vampire law. When the Volturi still believed in secrecy, vampire law was none existent because they were the law but not they could not be so free about it so laws were made. I couldn't see Emmett as a lawyer, when did he ever take anything seriously? But I was sure he would do an excellent job of it when he put his mind to it.

After another round of drinks, we got onto a difficult subject; Edward. The rest of the Cullens were not very pleased and very disappointed with the way Edward had treated me in the parking lot of Fangtasia. Jasper had made a point of keeping away from him because he was so angry and thoroughly disgusted at the way he had treated me. Jasper had always been a gentleman, he believed that all women such be treated with the utmost respect and the way Edward had treated had hurt Jasper because it went against all that he believed in. Even Rose, Emmett and Alice have made a point of avoiding him, they tell me, because of the way he treated "their sister", that it was horrible and uncalled for after everything that he had already put me through. Esme told me that she and Carlisle were very disappointed in the way he had treated me, but could not do something as drastic as avoid him because he was after all their son, they had both spoken to him, telling him that they were disappointed with him, that he should think about what he had done and think of a way to apologize to me. They, however, thought I handled the situation very well, even though I was shouting and swearing, but they reasoned that he had put me though so much pain and then to act like that, it was well deserved. They already knew that I loved so they knew that telling to get out of my life, just after had had re-entered it was an extremely hard thing to do.

Many drink later and a few good laughs we left, only because the café was closing. I was quite happy to sit there for hours with my best friends and family and laugh and talk as if they had never left and we were always like this. We went straight to Fangtasia; Alice messaged Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle to meet us there, luckily no-one was with Edward so he wouldn't show up either. We all arrived at the same time, Eric was already there, I knew as the lights were already on. I poked my head around to let him know we were there and I went to sit with the Cullens at there usual table, as they always came every single night I asked Eric if they could have a table, he agreed. So we sat at their reserved table and pretty much picked up were we left off. Emmett told me more of his plan to go into law; he said he "wanted a taste of the power the Volturi felt." Obviously, I found this quite amusing as did Alice, even Jasper cracked a smile at his comment.

It was quarter to eight when Pam got in with arms full of bags. She looked just like Alice; her sense of style and her passion for shopping was the same as Alice. I had to get them better acquainted; maybe then Alice wouldn't want me to go shopping with her every five minutes. As soon as she stepped into the room she squealed when she saw me dragging me away, closely followed by Alice, who saw what was going to happen next; it was time to play "Barbie Bella." For five minutes they fought over who was going to dress me up and who was going to do my hair. They finally came to the conclusion that Alice would do my hair and make-up and Pam was going to dress me up. She pulled my hair up into some sort of really large bun, Alice said it was a beehive, and that it was very fashionable in the motown era. Pam had slipped on a a pair of patent, white heels and a white dress. The top was like a scoop neck t-shirt with silver sequins embroidered on it, the skirt was made of silk with a layer of thin nylon over the top, around the middle was a thin strip of sequins. It looked very pretty. Alice had attacked me with eyeliner and mascara as well as blush and lip-gloss. Finally after ten minutes of torture, I was finally ready. Pam had to go get the door and Alice said she was going to sit back with the others and watch my performance. I smiled and thanked her, then I was alone. I took a couple of deep breathes as I left my dressing room and listed my playlist in my head. I felt so nervous that night and I didn't know why, it felt like something wasn't quite right, I told myself that I'd have to ask Alice later.

Eric had just finished introducing me as I stepped onto the stage and saw him. He was sitting along tonight, on one of the table in a booth on the other side of the room to where the rest of the Cullens were sitting. I quickly turned my attentions away from him, smiled at the rest of the Cullens before finally speaking,

"Well, good evening y'all, as I said tonight Motown night, you can thanks Pam and Alice for the outfits, deciding I was going to look "authentic" when I sang tonight, so thank them not me. Anyway, on with the show, this is Reflections by Diana Ross & The Supremes,

Through the mirror of my mind

Time after time

I see reflections of you and me

Reflections of,

The way life used to be

Reflections of,

The love you took from me

Oh, I'm all alone now

No love to shield me

Try in a world that's...

A distorted reality

Happiness you... took from me

And left me alone

With only memories

Through the mirror of my mind

Through each tear that I've cried

Reflects the hurt I can't control

'Cause although you're gone

I keep holdin' on

To the happy times

Ooh, when you were mine

As I peer through the window

Of lost time

Looking over my yesterdays

And all the love I gave all in vain

All the love

All the love that I've wasted

All those tears

All the tears that I've tasted

All in vain

Through the hollow of my tears

I see a dream that's lost

From the hurt,

That you have caused

Everywhere I turn,

Seems like everything I see

Reflects the love that used to be

In you I put

All my faith and trust

And right before my eyes

My world has turned to dust

After all the nights

I sat alone on wept

Just a handful of promises

Are all that's left, of loving you

Reflections of,

The way life used to be

Reflections of,

The love you took from me

In you I put, all my faith and trust

And right before my eyes

My world has turned to dust"

Because of my peculiar "talent", I could still cry, something I thought was wonderful, as I had maintained a piece of myself, and I could express myself as I used to, and I was thankful that I still had this. As I finished the song a single tear fell down my cheek, too small to be seen even with vampire eyes, which was lucky. I knew I still loved, I didn't need the world know it too, it still hurt to remember the love we shared but there was much I could do about it now. I smiled brightly at the audience, falseness plastered all over my face as I continued with the next song, Do You Love Me? by the Contours. I sang a few more song before my dress change, this time Alice dressed and Pam did my hair. She dressed me in a turquoise playsuit with spaghetti straps and a large bow in the middle of the top and turquoise pumps. Pam had curled my hair into loose curls. Then it was time to go back out.

"So my next song is Superstition by Stevie Wonder,

Very superstitious,

Writing's on the wall,

Very superstitious,

Ladders bout' to fall,

Thirteen month old baby,

Broke the lookin' glass

Seven years of bad luck,

The good things in your past

[Chorus]

When you believe in things

That you don't understand,

Then you suffer,

Superstition aint the way

Hey

[Verse 2]

Very superstitious,

Wash your face and hands,

Rid me of the problem,

Do all that you can,

Keep me in a daydream,

Keep me goin' strong,

You don't wanna save me,

Sad is the soul

[Chorus]

When you believe in things

That you don't understand,

Then you suffer,

Superstition ain't the way,

Yeh, yeh

Very superstitious,

Nothin' more to say,

Very superstitious,

The devil's on his way,

Thirteen month old baby,

Broke the lookin' glass,

Seven years of bad luck,

Good things in your past

When you believe in things

That you don't understand,

Then you suffer,

Superstition ain't the way,

No, no, no."

This was one of my favourite Motown songs, I loved the beat of the musics, every time I heard it my hips would start swaying, me and Eric used to dance to this song together when he first opened this club. Funnily enough he could see I was itching for a dance partner so as soon as I hit the chorus he joined me, taking my hand, spinning me around in circles before we really started dancing. I could hear the crowd wooping and cheering, and a faint growl under everything but I was having the time of my existence and by the smile on Eric's face he was too. Finally, the song drew to a close and the cheering got louder. We both took a bow, I would have blushed so hard if I was human, I wouldn't even have been there if I was human.

"We haven't done that for a while, Miss Swan, I had a lot of fun." Eric said as he smiled at me.

"No we haven't, Mr Northman, I had a lot of fun too, how did you know?" I replied.

"Bella, we always dance together for the song, your hips call me," he laughed.

"Now, now Eric, keep your hands off my hips," I laughed too.

"Would I ever?" he laughed as he walked away.

I sang some more songs, Get Ready by The Temptations, This Old Heart Of Mine by The Isley Brothers, My Guy by Mary Well and a few more before I took my break. I grabbed a TrueBlood from the bar and slid up next to Alice.

"Liking the Motown? I think this theme thing is a really good idea, I wonder why I didn't think of it sooner." I asked when I sat down.

"Loving it Bells, it's a great idea, maybe you should do rap and come out looking like a gangsta," Emmett said, trying his hardest not to laugh.

"Yeah Emmett, why not, we could dress up in opposite colours and get dipsy hats and rap together," now everyone else was in hysterics.

"I like it Bella, we could do a time-line of fashion and music, going through the different eras, I'd love to see you as an 80's punk rocker that would be so cool," Alice replied.

"We're so proud of you, Bella," Carlisle said, "You have a beautiful voice, you make every song your own," Esme finished Carlisle's sentence for him. It must have been nice to know someone so well you could finish each others sentence, I always admired their everlasting devotion to each other, it was something truly beautiful and remarkable, something I wished for for myself.

I smiled at all of them, thanking them, and continued chatting about what the boys had been to all day, when my gaze went across the room, looking at the happy faces of my audience when I felt the glare of someone boring into me. I knew exactly who it was and I was going to acknowledge him, I excused myself from my friends and went to mingle with the others in the club, signing a couple of autographs and had my picture taken a few times. I was nice to know that they appreciated my singing, a couple suggested I write my own songs, that I could become a profession record artist, the only problem was that I couldn't write poetry or lyrics; fiction yes, emotional stuff now. But then again, I never really tried. I just finished talking to this really nice family who came in every day to watch me day when I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. If I was human my heart would have beaten faster, I began to feel slightly terrified that it was going to be the one person I had no desire speak to or see any time soon. I slowly turned around, praying it wasn't going to be him.

It was Sam.

I threw my arms and legs around him, clinging on so tightly as my lips found his. I hadn't expected it at all, a beautiful surprise and I was so thrilled.

"Miss me?" he said between giggles.

"Always. Come to watch me sing some Motown, I've a surprise for you, now your here." I replied as I kissed him on the cheek.

"Well I definitely stay now, seeing as you have a surprise for me. And I _always_ love your surprise." he winked at me after his last remark.

"Naughty. Naughty boys don't get surprises." I shook my finger at him and he smiled. "Go sit with the Cullens, there over there. I need to go get ready." I kissed him before I climbed off him. I walked with him to the Cullen where I picked up Alice and Pam to get me ready. This time they dressed me in a very short, hot pink sequinned dress with a low neck and spaghetti straps, and hot pink heels. I felt utterly ridiculous but the girls assured me that I looked stunning.

I stepped back up onto the stage, there were a few wolf whistles and cat call; and there was a huge smile spread across Sam's face. I winked at him as I went to the microphone,

"Well, this is one of my favourite songs, I hope you enjoy it, I know someone will, this is Love Machine by The Miracles,

Oh, yeah....

(I,I,)I'm just a love machine and I won't work for nobody but you

(I,I )I'm just a love machine .............. A hugging kissing fiend

I think it's high time you knew

Whenever I think of you

My mind blows a fuse

When I lookIn your eyes

My meter starts to rise

And I become confused

My motor cranked electric goes

When I'm sitting next to you

Electricity starts to flow

And my indicator starts to glow

(I,I,)I'm just a love machine and I won't work for nobody but you

(I,I )I'm just a love machine .............. A hugging kissing fiend

I'm gentle as a lamb

I'm not that hard to program

There's no way that you can lose

Chassis fits like a glove

I've got a button for love

That you've got to use (push it push it baby)

If you look into my power

I am sure you can find out how

To turn me on just set my dial

And let me love you for a little while ooooooh

(I,I,)I'm just a love machine and I won't work for nobody but you

(I,I )I'm just a love machine .............. A hugging kissing fiend

La... La la la la..... La la la la.. La la

La la la la la.. La la la.... La la laaaaaaaaa

Push it push it baby, yeah......ah, ah

(I,I,)I'm just a love machine and I won't work for nobody but you

(I,I )I'm just a love machine .............. A hugging kissing fiend."

I got the impression at the end that the audience quite enjoyed that performance seeing as the response was immense. I had to say that was my favourite song all evening. I continued to sing I Heard It Through The Grapevine by Marvin Gaye, All Night Long by Lionel Richie and Tracks Of My Tears by Smokey Robinson. It was coming up to the end of the night I had the perfect last song, it was something that I thought was very fitting to my life and the people who knew me would understand why.

"So my final song is something only the people who close to me would understand, so this is Martha Reeves and the Vandellas' Nowhere to Run....

Nowhere to run to, baby

Nowhere to hide

Got nowhere to run to, baby

Nowhere to hide

It's not love

I'm running from

It's the heartaches

That I know will come

'Cause I know

You're no good for me

But you`ve become

A part of me

Everywhere I go

Your face I see

Every step I take

You take with me, yeah

Nowhere to run to, baby

Nowhere to hide

Got nowhere to run to, baby

Nowhere to hide

I know you're

No good for me

But free of you

I'll never be, no

Each night as I sleep

Into my heart you creep

I wake up feeling sorry I met you

Hoping soon that I'll forget you

When I look in the mirror

And comb my hair

I see your face

Just a-smiling back

Nowhere to run

Nowhere to hide

Got nowhere to run to, baby

Nowhere to hide

I know you're

No good for me

But you've become

A part of me

How can I fight a lover

That's sugar sweet

When it's so deep, so deep

Deep inside of me

My love reaches so high

I can't get over it

It's so wide

I can't get around it, no

Nowhere to run

Nowhere to hide

From you, baby

Just can't get away

No matter how I try

I know you're no good for me

But free of you I'll never be

Nowhere to run to, baby

Nowhere to hide

Got nowhere to run to, baby

Nowhere to hide

Got nowhere to run

Got nowhere to run."

I bowed, smiled and waved to my audience and stepped off the stage. I thought the Motown theme went down well and I decided to plan some more themed nights. I slipped out of my dress and heels slipping on my tee, jeans and Chucks before heading back out. I was looking for my key for my bike as I walked down the corridor only to realise that I hadn't brought my bike. As I lifted my head, I felt a cold hand pulling at me. I turned swiftly, thinking it was Sam, to find the last person on Earth I wanted to speak to; Edward.

"What do you think you are doing?" I demanded.

"I want to talk to you," he replied in the same harsh tone but soon softened it, "if that's ok with you."

"No, it's not ok with me. What part of fuck off don't you understand?" I asked, getting quite angry.

"I understand it very well, does stop me from wanting to talk to you." he replied, I could tell he was getting annoyed as well.

"Yes I can see that. Just get off me."

"No, I want to apologise, for everything, now and then..."

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR APOLOGIES! SORRY MEANS NOTHING AFTER YOU BROKE EVERYTHING; INCLUDING YOUR PROMISE! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT, YOU GOT THAT!" I screamed, infuriated at the thought of him thinking that saying sorry was enough to make everything ok, well he had another thing coming, because it was nearly enough.

He seemed quite shocked at me screaming at him but he seemed more shocked by something I had said, "Broke my promise?" he questioned.

"You heard me, "_it will be as if I never existed,"_ is what you said but you broke that promise, you never fucking left, you were always there, no matter what I did, you were there, a voice in my mind. And I hate you for it, for a while it was great, you were there, pretending like you cared, as you always did, just pretending but it got to the point where I couldn't have a normal life, because I was drowning in your voice, killing me slowly. I was glad when they came to kill me, it was all I wanted for a while but they turned me instead, and the voice remain. I finally got rid of it, and you show up in the flesh so here I am to make your existence a living hell. So back off _Eddie, _because I'm one vampire bitch you _really_ don't want to mess with unless you don't value your limbs."

He stood there, dumbfounded, utterly shocked at me. We stood there for a short while when he finally tried to speak, "But..."

"I don't want to hear it understand, you broke every last piece of me, right down to my soul when you left, I will not, I SHALL not, let you break me anymore, not again. You won't use me, not again."

I pulled away from him, running from the building. As I left, I swore I heard the floor break as he fell to his knees. I jumped in the car to find Sam, smiling, waiting for me.

"I need to get out of here, Sam. I can't take him anymore. I need to get out now."

"I know the perfect place."

Welcome To The La Push Reservation.

**[A/N: Thank you all for being so awesome, without you, we would be at chapter 10. So thanks. And thank you queenfrizz30 for everything, your wonderful review make it all seem worthwhile, you are fantastic! So, nice cliffhanger, welcome to the La Push rez, home to hottie shifter :D and Sam was nice enough to get her there. This can only mean one thing, more Jacob (you lucky Jacob fans). So thanks all, pat yourself on the back for helping me get to chapter 10. Love Emma-MasenCullen xx **

**P.S If you don't read the lyrics, please read Nowhere to Run, I put that in there for a reason, if you read it you'll see why!**

**Love ya! xx]**


	11. Pack

Pack

**Bella's POV**

Vampires can't sleep, but sometimes I just liked to close my eyes and forget about the world. So that's what I did, I told Sam I needed to get out of Shreveport and blocked out the world. The next thing I was aware of was dismal grey skies covered with depressing, dark clouds. The air had a familiar scent to it as did the forest the lined the edge of the road that continued to bend and curve ahead of us. I had no idea where we were but Sam had the broadest smile spread across his face; like he knew something I didn't. That was when I saw the small russet colour houses creeping over the horizon and I realised where I was. I was in La Push.

"Oh my gosh, Sam, you didn't?" I asked still shocked, wondering if it was all a dream.

"Didn't do what? Take you to La Push so you could get away? Nope, definitely not." Sam mocked as he continued to drive.

"Oh Sam, thank you, have I told you that I love you recently?" I asked, literally bouncing in my seat at the thought of being where I was.

"Not recently, no. I think you should tell me more often, I feel neglected." He pouted, I couldn't help but laugh.

"Awww, baby, I'm sorry. You know I love you and it's not going to change any time soon." I replied, smiling and kissing his cheek.

His answering smile was dazzling as he pulled up the car next to the curb. We sat there for a moment just smiling at each other when I was disturbed by a loud bang. I began turned to see what it was when I pair of arms grabbed me from behind and pulled me out the car. The arms that had me were seething with heat and there was an unpleasant smell in the air. Then the person's arms that held me hand's covered my eyes and a husky voice whispered, "Guess who?" into my ear.

"Jacob Black?" I replied, a grin on my face.

"Gosh Bella, I didn't know you were a mind-reading vamp?" He joked releasing me from his hold on me so that I could turn around.

"No, Jake, you're just ever so predictable, and you smell real bad so I knew right away it was you." I teased as Sam came to join me on the other side of the car.

"Sure, sure, Bells, whatever." he replied as we walked to his house. He inherited the house off Billy after he had passed away, and I could tell that Jake missed him very much, as I missed Charlie. The house hadn't changed very much since the last time I had been there, the colour scheme had changed a little and so had the décor but other than that it felt exactly the same; a home from home. The scene was very similar as, the faces may have changed, but the atmosphere and scene was still the same. Sprawled across a couch each was Quil and Seth; arguing over what television channel to put on; Colin, Brady, Terry and Ally raiding the Jake's fridge for all the food in there, not that there was much left because knowing Jake he'd have already eaten most of it. And Leah came from their bedroom to find Jake, whom she kissed as if she hadn't seem him for year, a moment so private I felt embarrassed to be in the same room, let alone standing next to them. I had to clear my throat just so they could stop; they both flushed bright red with embarrassment, which I told them not to worry about; that it happened to me and Sam too.

After Jake had kicked Seth off the sofa so that me and Sam could sit down and he had grabbed Sam a drink, he apologised for not having TrueBlood, he said "it's not very we have bloodsuckers over for dinner, usually they're our dinner," flashing his Jakey grin at me,

"So then Bells, what brings you to sunny La Push on such short notice, without a phone call to tell me you were coming, then maybe you'd have a drink," he laughed.

"Well Sam here bought me plane tickets for our first anniversary..." I trailed off.

"And? Come on Bella, I know you, by the tone of your voice there's another reason why you are here so spill it before I fight it out of you, with maybe a little help from Sam here," he punched him lightly on the air as he jokingly threatened me.

"Well, erm...yeah...The Cullens have moved to Shreveport. It's not that I mind them being there, they have apologised profusely for everything, though none of it was their fault and didn't know anything of what he had said that day and I have truly missed them, it's just that Edward is with them and he's driving me insane."

There was a long period of silence before I looked up from my hands to see Jacob shaking violently, his fists clenched tightly together, his eyes shut firmly, only his mouth, "I'm gonna kill him, so help me god I'm gonna tear his filthy, bloodsucking throat out."

I carefully got out of my seat, placing my cool hands on his shoulder which he flinched away from before relaxing, "Jake, as much as I'd love you to do that right now, I would regret it later and imagine the hurt it would cause the rest of the Cullens, they are good people, even you can see that, they are just as outraged as you are about the way he has treated both then and now; now that they know. And you protect good people, even if from yourself. I know it's going to be difficult but we can handle it. I'm not going to let him bring me down, not again. So, Jake, chillax, please, for me."

"Ok, Bells, ok, just tell me everything." he barely whispered.

So I told him about the Cullens and how I decided to reveal myself to get back at them. How the Cullens, apart from Edward, had come to my house to apologise for everything that had happened to me from the night they left until now and all the pain that was caused because of it. How I had forgiven them for they had done nothing wrong, they did know what happened or what was said when he left and they were under the impression I was happy, safe and human for all these year. How they all came with me when I bought my fantastic motorbike which we got sidetracked over because me and Jake loved bikes, the speed, the rush, the adrenaline for him though he got more from running around as a giant wolf. When we got back on track I told him how we had raced to Fangtasia and that we had a bet I couldn't win which I did. I told him how someone was just standing in the parking lot so I had to swerve and slid my bike across the floor, only just missing the person. I told him that the person was Edward and he was staring at me eyes full of rage before widening in shock when I took my helmet revealing myself. How I broke Eric's door and punch a hole in his wall because I was so angry and the anger displaced by his family at the way he had treated me. I told him how I gave him a piece of my mind when he confronted me after the show. I missed out my musing after I sped away on my bike, he didn't need to know I was still in love with the man that destroyed me, well, not yet at least. I told him of my shopping trip with the girls which he laughed at, he knew things must be bad if I went shopping freely and I told him about the conversation we had about Edward and some of the length they were going to to avoid him. I told him of the confrontation we had only several hours ago where he wanted to apologize to me but I screamed at him telling him I didn't want to hear it, that it wasn't good enough, not after he broke everything including his promise. I told him about how he was confused when I told him he broke his promise so I explained how his voice was always in my mind, not caring how crazy I sounded, telling him that because of it I longed for death, but was turned instead leaving the voice to torture me more and I told him he wouldn't use me again. Then I ended up in La Push.

As I told him all the details of my life he had missed, there were periods where Jake was shaking violently but always remained under control. When I finished my story he seemed calm and relaxed and I had attracted many other listeners, in fact everyone who was in the house were listening. I took a deep breath and spoke again, "I told want to talk about him while I'm here, I don't want any of you to do anything, I will deal with him, revenge, and I'll keep you posted but that is all, but for the remainder of my stay I will not speak of him so lets not bring it up shall we?"

"But..."Jake began to protest.

"No ifs, no buts Jake, I'm not discussing the matter any further. Anyone for a cliff dive?"

Everyone was up for it, Jake was pouting a little because I wouldn't talk about it but he soon got over it, I think he decided to enjoy the time we had together because I wasn't up in Washington State very often because of the memories it brought back. So we all jumped into Seth's car and mine and drove up to Cliff Diver's Edge, the nickname the Quileute wolves gave the cliff they all jump from. This would be my first time jumping from the cliff. Jake had told me how it felt to jump, the adrenaline, the rush, the loss of responsibility and reason. I thought I'd be scared, I was never really the biggest fan of heights and I hadn't intended to jump off really high cliffs into freezing, treacherous waters any time soon but I wasn't scared, I was incredibly excited; another way to be stupid and reckless; and I was looking forward to it and so was Sam, he had never been cliff diving and he looked giddy as a school boy, but I think that was mainly Jake's fault for telling him all about it on the way down. We pulled up against the side of the road, as everyone filed out before we headed over to the edge. I was nice to be away from everything, just to let go and have fun. Jake's smile and good mood had always been infectious, it was nice to feel free for a while.

It didn't take long to get there, and the fighting began as they tried to decide who was going to jump first. Jake finally put his foot down and said as he was the Alpha he was going to jumped first and then Seth because he was Beta and then Leah, the rest could fight amongst themselves which of course they did without having to be told twice. Sam was after Quil who was after Leah and I was after Ally who was after Colin. Terry and Brady were still fighting over who was going next; neither of them wanted to be last.

I quickly began my turn and I found myself staring at the crashing waves of the ocean against the foot of the cliff. As I closed my eyes, that was when I heard it, the voice.

"Bella, don't" it pleaded, soft and velvety.

I didn't want anyway to know what was happening so I volunteered to go last which came again all too quickly and I found myself again staring into the waves. Like before I closed my eyes and just as before the voice pleaded with me,

"Don't do this Bella."

"And why not? It's not like it's going to hurt me and it's not like you'd care if it did," I retorted.

"For me, Bella, don't do this, for me." he pleaded again more urgent now.

"No, it's not going to work."

"Please," his voice cracking.

"You broke me Edward, I should have done this sooner when I was human, I should have found every way to break your stupid promise because you were the one who wanted me to be human, you were the one who left me fragile and weak and human. Now watch what you've done to me, because this, me, everything, is all...your..fault."

Then I was flying through the air, the wind in my hair, the sound of the ocean getting closer and closer, the voice screaming "NO" getting quieter and quieter as I screamed in excitement as my body crashed into the waves. I had never felt so free and alive. It was exhilarating. I swam back to the shore to meet everyone. I got a few prods and pokes asking me what took me so long before I finally got to Jake.

"We so should have done that when I was human, take about an adrenaline rush."

"Yeah, but you could have gotten hurt," he replied, not the answer I wanted so I quickly changed the subject asking if we could go again.

We spent all day cliff diving and every time I jumped I heard the voice pleading me to stop, listening as it grew weaker and weaker as I ignored it and it's failed attempts to get me to stop, loosing all hope as it watched me throw myself off the cliff time after time, reminding it that it was he wanted me to be human and look what happened to me, and he'd have to suffer the consequences of his actions until finally I could no longer hear it, and only then I felt my first, true, free dive.

As the sun began to set the guys began to make up a bonfire on the beach as Jake and Leah drove home to get food, blankets and changes of clothes for everyone after spending all day in soaking clothes. I curled up into Sam's arms as we watched the sun set behind the purple clouds as the sky changed from blazing orange to soft pink to a sea green before growing into darker and darker shades of blue before it was midnight blue with twinkling spots of light left in the sky and the remainder of the sunlight played upon the ocean before finally sinking into the sea. It was a rarity to see the stars shining brightly; usually the entire Olympic Peninsula was covered in a thick, grey clouds but that night the skies were clear. Sam told me that he had asked God to clear the skies so that we could see the stars: I laughed a little at his sweetness.

When Jake and Leah finally returned, they had brought freshly cooked pizzas and French fries from the local takeaway along with a couple of large bottles of Coke and a few large bags of marshmallows. We all sat around the bonfire while the guys and Leah dug into there food; it amazed me how Leah kept her figure eating just as much as the werewolf males, then I realised she probably burned most of the calories off while running. I was just content roasting marshmallows and feeding them to Sam; I obviously had to be very careful of the fire unless I really was suicidal and I wanted to burn myself alive; sort of anyway. The guys fought over who was having the last piece of pizza; Jake was about to put his foot down and do his "because I'm the Alpha I get it" speech when I, in a complete haze, took it straight out of Jake's hands.

"Cheers, Jake, that's so sweet of you, saving the last piece of pizza for me," I said as stared at the pizza as if I was so hungry.

"But you can't eat it, your a vampire." Quil retorted, disappointed he didn't get it.

"Really Quil, I'm a vampire, I didn't notice." that got a few people laughing, "and yes I can eat it" I said as I stuffed it in my mouth and chewed before swallowing hard.

"Tasted good; it's a shame I'll have to puke it up later," I added once I'd finished eating.

"You just said you could eat it," Quil commented rather confused and unhappy perfectly good pizza had gone to waste.

"Quil, darling, I said I could eat it not that I could digest it." Everyone was laughing now as Quil moped, "Cheer up I'll buy you a new whole pizza." he beamed after that.

As we all sat, we chatted happily about what the pack had been up to, how they had taken down a few Nomadic vampires who were still hunting humans, how it had been really quiet for months, they asked if the could come and visit some time, which I agreed to but they would have to stay in a hotel because I couldn't fit them all in my house, Jake asked if I was having anymore signing at the book store, which to be honest I didn't know, I hadn't been in touch with any of the local author lately because of certain incidents. Leah enquire about how things were at Fangtasia. I told them that it was amazing, the audience were always very supportive and enthusiastic, that I always had a lot of fun, enjoying the songs I pick and how I picked some of them to get back at Edward for the fun of it. I told them how I was having themed nights, that I had done Rock and Motown, and that Alice had suggested Punk Rock and me and Emmett was going to do some rapping for a joke and since Valentine Day was fast approaching I was going to do some love songs as well. Silence began to creep in after I had finished my enthusiastic talk on themed night so I asked them if they'd like me to sing a couple of songs, of course they all jumped at the chance.

"What would you like me to sing? Anything you want, decided while I grab my guitar from the trunk." I walked lazily over to the car, picking up my guitar and coming back. "Decided?"

"Can I have Into The Ocean by Blue October please?" Ally asked.

"Sure, 1, 2,3...

I'm just a normal boy

That sank when I fell overboard

My ship would leave the country

But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life that's sadly stuck again

Wish I was much more masculine

Maybe then I could learn to swim

Like 'fourteen miles away'

You're floating up and down

I spin, colliding into sound

Like whales beneath me diving down

I'm sinking to the bottom of my

Everything that freaks me out

The lighthouse beam has just run out

I'm cold as cold as cold can be

be

I want to swim away but don't know how

Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean

Let the waves up take me down

Let the hurricane set in motion

Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down

Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard

I keep looking each direction

For a spotlight, give me something

I need something for protection

Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine

The jets, I'm sunk, I'm left behind

I'm treading for my life believe me

(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think

I scream aloud, begin to sink

My legs and arms are broken down

With envy for the solid ground

I'm reaching for the life within me

How can one man stop his ending

I thought of just your face

Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how

Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean

Let the waves up take me down

Let the hurricane set in motion

Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down

Let the rain come down

Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun

I calculate what I had done

Like jumping from the bow (yeah)

Just to prove I knew how (yeah)

It's midnight's late reminder of

The loss of her, the one I love

My will to quickly end it all

So thought no end my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all x4

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) x3

I want to swim away but don't know how

Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean

Let the waves up take me down

Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)

Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down

Let the rain come down

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

(In to space)

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) x4

(I thought of just your face)

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) x4"

Jake asked for Smell Like Teen Spirit, Leah requested Take A Bow, Quil wanted Backwards by Rascal Flatts , Terry requested Everybody's Changing, Seth wanted One Moment In Time because he was a big Whitney fan, which was quite amusing and Colin asked if he could have How To Save A Life. I had to persuade Sam to pick a song, along with the rest of the guys, he kept saying he got to hear my beautiful voice every day, so he didn't have to hear it now, when we all finally brought him round he asked for Dreams by The Cranberries, he knew how much I loved that song and how it fit us so perfectly, how it was just like us in the beginning how he meant so much to be but I was afraid to have my heart hurt all over again.

"Oh my life is changing everyday

Every possible way

Though my dreams, it's never quite as it seems

Never quite as it seems

I know I felt like this before

But now I'm feeling it even more

Because it came from you

Then I open up and see

The person fumbling here is me

A different way to be

I want more, impossible to ignore

Impossible to ignore

They'll come true, impossible not to do

Impossible not to do

Now I tell you openly

You have my heart so don't hurt me

For what I couldn't find

Talk to me amazing mind

So understanding and so kind

You're everything to me

Oh my life is changing everyday

Every possible way

Though my dreams, it's never quite as it seems

'cause you're a dream to me

Dream to me."

"That was truly beautiful Bella, it really was. I'm looking forward to bring Leah to Fangtasia on Valentine's Day if your going to sing as beautiful as that."

"Thanks Jake, looking forward to seeing you both there, I could do you a song, if you like, your song, if you've got one, a special dedication, I'm doing one for all the Cullen couples, I'd be honoured to do yours too."

"Aww, Bella, thank you, that would really make our day," Leah said, "Yeah, that would make things perfect, what song would you pick, hun?" Jake asked Leah. "Erm, Sound of Pulling Heaven Down? By Blue October? No, The Scientist by Coldplay." she answered. "The Scientist by Coldplay it is then." he replied, smiling down at her before looking at me.

"Excellent." I said smiling at them both, it was nice to see that they had both finally found happiness. "So, we going to head back, it's pretty late and you lot all need sleep unlike me." Seth's loud answering yawn answered the question while others of us laughed. By now the fire was nearly out so we all pick ourselves up off the sand and headed back to the car.

The journey back was quite, many of the wolves falling asleep in the car, when we reached Jake's, me, Sam, Quil and Jake carried Seth, Terry, Ally and Leah into the house, placing them careful onto couches while Jake tucked Leah into their bed. Me and Sam made our way to the guest room after we bid Jake goodnight.

"I had fun tonight." Sam said as he shut the door behind him.

"So do I, I'm glad you brought me, you are the most perfect partner, and I love you so much." I replied.

"As I love you, my beautiful, talented Bella. Will you be doing us a song for your Valentine's Day gig?" he asked, slightly unsure for some strange reason.

"Of course, I was going to sing our song, Dreams, why wouldn't I?" I asked, slightly confused as I got ready for 'bed'

"I've no idea." Sam answered honestly, as he climbed into bed.

"Sometimes, Sam, you are so weird." I said, following his lead by getting into bed.

"Yes, babe, but you love me."

"Yes I do, good night, my Sam." I said as I turned to kiss him, finding him already asleep looking so peaceful and beautiful. I carefully kissed him on his forehead so not to wake him before turning out the light before spending the rest of the night watching him sleep soundly.

Naturally, I was the first to wake up in the morning so I went for a quick hunt. It had been along time since I had been in the Olympic Peninsula and I had forgot how extraordinary and green it was. I didn't go very far, I stayed the Quileute side of the treaty line, for some odd reason I felt like the treaty would be breached if I crossed it but I knew really it wouldn't. I didn't take me long to find a herd of deer and take them down. I was, for some reason, really thirsty until I realised I hadn't drank anything since I was at Fangtasia two days ago. When I got back, no-one was up so I raided Jake's fridge for bacon and eggs and began cooking. It was long before they started stirring to the smell of greasy, fatty, freshly cooked food. It was fortunate Jake had enough bacon and eggs to feed all of them, his stockpile of food was nowhere near as big as Emily's was when she was "foster mom" to the Pack. Now, that was Leah's job. I wondered if she liked it, now that life as a wolf was so much easier for her and she had the love and support of Jake. I was sure she did.

Everyone at the breakfast table was munching and talking away loudly as I leant against one of the kitchen units. As they eat happily I wondered to myself my I hadn't been to La Push more recently, the Pack was like my extended family, I loved each and every one of them as a brother or a sister and I valued the time we spend together although distance and work separate more often that I liked. I watched the smiles on their faces and I saw what Emily must have saw with her Pack when she was still alive, the feeling of completeness and home. It was a fantastic feeling, to feel at one with everyone in the room. Sam pulled me from my wondering as he softly kissed me lips telling me good morning as I asked if he has slept well. The Pack had to run a patrol in the morning as usual so Sam and I had some time on our hands so I asked him if it was alright to take a trip up to Forks, of course he agreed.

The journey didn't take long and I found myself seeing everything as it was when I left. Different faces but the places were still the same. Forks High looked exactly the same as it did when I left all those years ago. We parked up on the other side of the road while I asked Sam to wait for me in the car because this was one trip down memory lane I needed to alone.

I walked through the gates and across the lot watching all the people rush around to lessons; chatting happily to their friends. Then I saw a van hit some ice and was about to collide into an unknowing girl when a man from the other side of the lot saved her, pushing it away with his hand before looking at her and running off; it wasn't til all began to fade that I realised it was memory. I walked into the school, down to the familiar corridors to a locker that hadn't been used in so many years. Jake told me Charlie had instructed that no-one was to open my locker and to this day no-one has opened it; apparently they say it's haunted. I fumbled with my keys to find my long forgotten locker key before skidding it into the lock and turning it. Inside there was pictures of me and my friends, the golden onion me and Edward won in Biology, a few books and bits and pieces. I picked them all up, placing them in my bag before locking it, leaving the key in the lock.

I continued walking the corridors, being stared at by everyone I passed even some of the teacher was staring which was a bit freaky. I found the place I was looking for; my old biology classroom. Very little had changed as I watched memories play out in front of me as me and Edward first met, the look he gave me as if he wanted to kill me which I later found out he did, when our hands first touched; the iciness of his skin, the happy chatter as we silently fell in love each one fading bring on a new memory until I turned away when I saw my own depression play back in front of me. I was about to leave when one of the teachers asked why I wasn't in lesson so I told them I had come to clear Isabella Swan's locker out, that I was a relative and I had left the key in the locker so it could be used. She stood frozen with shock as I walked away.

I returned to Sam and we drove through the town centre as I pointed out place I knew like Newton's Outfitters which was probably run by a descendent of my infamous Mike Newton, some of the local shops which had changed and the restaurant me and my dad went sometimes which we stopped sat so Sam could have some lunch. We drove up to my Dad's house which he had left me when he passed. I invited Sam inside. It was the same as it was when I left, I had been back since that day. Everything was covered with white cloths and dust. I walked through the kitchen watching Edward and me talking as I cooked, when he formally introduced himself to Charlie before baseball, an when waited for me for the Prom. I went upstairs to my room, everything still in it's place as it was when I left; except there was a familiar smell there on all of my things that shouldn't have been there; Edward's scent. I stared at the window wondering my he'd been here while scene of my life played out in front of me, the first night I knew he watched me sleep and the subsequent nights. We didn't stay at Charlie's long; there was two places I still wanted to visit but alone. Sam understood and said he'd shift and run back to La Push which I was thankful for a I kissed him goodbye. I started the car up an began driving to place I thought I'd never be strong enough to see again.

I still had trouble finding their secluded driveway but made it there all the same. The door to the white mansion was unlocked as I entered. All the belonging had gone with them as I wandered through the empty house. I didn't dare go upstairs; I couldn't face his room full of his scent. The broken piano still lay in pieces on the floor ad I remembered my disastrous 18th birthday. I suddenly felt the urge to play it; to see if it still worked. I made a pact with myself that I would never touch a piano for as long as I exist but I felt compelled to as I bent down to touch one of the keys with my slender, white finger. To my surprise and awe, it worked as I began to compose my own melody which quickly turned into a song I never wanted to hear, my lullaby. I left the piano and the house climbing back into my car before driving to my last destination; the meadow. If I was going to do a grand tour of my past I might as well have gone there to, right? I wondered to myself I pulled up at the end of the dirt track. Well it was too late to turn back now, I was almost they I thought before darting off into the forest. Running had really grown on me, the speed was fantastic, better than my new bike though I loved that all the same, I had turned into a speed demon just like the rest of the Cullens. It didn't take me long to reach the perfectly circular meadow, it took a quarter of the time it did when I was human. It was just a spectacular as it did when I was human, though I could see the defined shapes of the trees and the flowers much more clearly as well as the bold colours; it truly was a wonderful place. I wandered through the wild-flowers, running my hand over the tops of the flower before lying down in the centre, watching cloud float in the sky on the unusually clear day. As I lay I saw the memory of me and Edward lying here the first time he brought me and all the times we'd been here after until I saw the giant wolves tearing apart my creators, after all they were on their turf since the Cullen's had left, and the memory of memory of Edward began to fade away.

By the time I found it in me to pick myself off the group it was already dark, the moon shining brightly over head. I had spent the most of my day staring at the ever changing sky in the beautiful, wild meadow that I once called mine. Now, although it was as beautiful and lively and magical as ever, it was just empty. I couldn't see the joy it used to bring me, or the happiness. Maybe that was because all the happiness and joy that was tied to the meadow was all tied to Edward and he no longer made me happy so the happiness in the things we share had disappeared as well. As I rose, I heard rustling in one of the trees at the edge of the meadow, the wind had picked so I wasn't going to get a scent plus it was in the wrong direction but I'm sure I saw a figure racing away with the wind. After staring after it for a long moment, I, myself ran off to my car before driving back home to the Pack.

It had been a week since we had left for La Push and now it was time for me and Sam to go. I couldn't hide away forever. The Pack was standing on the patch of land at the front of Jacob Black's house waiting to tell us goodbye. Seth was up first, his face still childish although he had fully matured as he towered over me as he hugged me.

"You take care Bella, and look after Sam, I'm afraid we've worn him out." He laughed.

"Will do Seth and take care of Jake for me," I whispered, "Because you and I both know he needs looking after more than Leah can handle on her own." I shot Jake a cheeky grin.

"Will do, Bella, you can count on me." he smiled before going to talk to Sam.

Up next was Brady and Colin, who both hugs me and told me goodbye before saying goodbye to Sam. Terry came up next, squeezing me, if I was human, I'd would have probably be dead. "You take care little Miss."

Like Jasper, Terry was Texan but moved to La Push with his mom and the Pack gladly let him join them, "I will do, good Sir." He pretended to tip his hat before moving on to Sam. Ally was next, who kissed my cheek, before flushing red and moving on to Sam. He had always been the quiet, shy type. Quil soon followed giving me my second bone crunching hug before kissing my cheek,

"Look after yourself and don't let Edward bring you down, he's a jerk." he said matter-of-factly before smiling and going over to Sam to tell him goodbye.

"Take care, darling, it was nice to see you. Have a safe trip home," Leah said as she hugged me. Me and Leah had become much better friends over the years. It was nice for the both of us to have someone to talk to about the Pack. "You have to call me soon, and we'll see you on Valentine's day at Fangtasia." She said as she released me and smiled. Then she leaned into my ear and whispered, "I'd keep him posted on the Edward situation, you know how he gets all protective of his girls." Then, she winked at me before she went to hug Sam.

Then it was just Jake. He took me in his arms and spun me round before placing me back on my feet. "You take care Bells, it's been really nice having up here for a change, it was nice to get your undivided attention for a week. And you keep me posted on the leach, ok? You need someone to put him in his place me and the guys will be there. I'll knock his block off if you like or tear him apart, whatever you need. And please phone, I like getting phone calls, let me know what you're up to. I miss my best friend. And we'll definitely be there Valentine's day, even if I have to take down an army full of Edwards, we'll be there. And if you need anything, or you just want to see me, call me, please, because I'll be there, rain or shine, you know..." he babbled.

"Jake?" I interrupted

"What?"

"You're babbling."

"Sorry."

"You take of yourself and Leah. I want to hear wedding bells some time soon please so I can do the music for your wedding and have a really good excuse to get my sorry butt up to La Push. I was nice being here seeing all of you, it was nice to get away from it all. I'd rather not leave but then it looks like I'm running away and I won't let him win this fight. I'll keep you posted, and if I need you, for anything at all, I will give you a call. I miss you too, Jake. I'll reserve you a table with Sam for Valentine's day and you had better be there, even if you have to go through legions of Edward's, if you're not there, I'll be in La Push the next day, knocking your block off, got it." I laughed.

"Yes, ma'am!" He saluted.

"Good, see ya soon Jake."

"Bye Bells, love you."

"Love you too Jake," I replied as I climbed into the car. "Remember, you'd better be there."

He laughed as we began to drive off. I shouted good bye out the window. I got howls back.

**Edward's POV**

It had been a week since she had took off, but not a week since I last saw her, the day after our argument I visited our meadow, I'd go there every now and again to try and clear my head, and I saw her, lying in the middle of the meadow looking so very beautiful, it took all my strength not to sweep her off her feet and kiss her senseless. I considered it for a minute, thinking how she would react, how I wanted her to react but she stirred and I didn't want her to see me there so I took off home again. I would never know how she would have reacted.

It had been a week since she took off with Sam after I had tried to apologise to her for everything I had done to her, I was going to tell her what I had done, the lies, how I regretted it every single day, how many time I thought of coming back, how I had grieved her loss and then grieved even more when I thought she was dead. I was going to tell her that I had always loved, that I always will. But, understandably, she didn't want to speak to me or listen to what I had to say. If I was her I wouldn't have wanted to be in a five mile radius of me, but she never once left, until now.

As she screamed at me that night I did learn something; I had unintentionally broken everything, including my promise. I didn't leave her be like I said, she subconscious had me talk to her in her mind. I couldn't even get leaving her right; I was truly useless. And she had every right to hate me, I had promised her something to keep her safe so she could move on from me but I didn't keep it. I imagined that it was very hard for her to have the voice in her mind act as if he cared when I was miles away pretending as best I could that I didn't which really didn't go very well. I had promised her a normal, human life and I didn't even give her that because she was "_drowning in my voice, killing her slowly" _ as she put it. I was broken when she told me that she longed for death, because of me, and when her requests were ignored and she was turned she was still haunted by me, my voice and now my presence. I hurt me more to know she felt that I only wanted to use her and break her when I really loved her.

Though it should have disheartened me in trying to win her back, it didn't. It only made me more determined to explain, to tell her how wrong I was, finally admitting that I had been wrong about everything. I wanted to make her see that all along I had lied, a terrible, heartbreaking lie and how it broke me to watch her believe it so easily though I knew I wasn't good enough for her, I was a monster and she had proved it in what I had done to her. I wanted to take all her pain and hurt away. And I wouldn't stop trying until I had at least made her existence the slightest bit better. Even if she could never love me again or trust me, friendship would do, it's all I can ask for, but not what I hoped for, not what I wished for, not what I dreamed for.

That was requited love.

**[A/N: Another end to another chapter. Hope you liked it, sorry it took so long, I have been swamped with revision for my eight exams so I've been slowly writing bits here and there and now it is complete. Next chapter is the Valentine's Day chapter which, even if I finish early, will not be posting until at least the 8****th**** of February so it's on Valentine's week, so you have a while to anticipate the next instalment. Read, Enjoy, Hit The Green Button. Thank you! E-M-C Xxx]**


	12. Valentine's

Valentine's

**Bella's POV**

It had been a couple of weeks since I had been in La Push with Sam and the Pack and my life since then had quietened down. I found myself wondering if Edward had given up his fight, crowning me victorious or was he just biding his time, which seemed much more Edward than giving up. He was never one for giving up except when it came to me, he gave me up without a second thought. But it was indeed Valentine's Day and I wasn't going to let the likes of Edward Cullen spoil my perfectly blissful day.

During the weeks we had been back from La Push, I was fretting to Alice about what to get Sam for Valentine's because I was never very good a choosing presents for people, especially without Alice's expert guidance. I was over at the Cullen's house sprawled out on the living room carpet with Alice and Rose helping me pick out the perfect gift when Edward walked into the room, asked Alice if she'd seen Jasper before meeting my eyes and smiling at me. I mean smiling at me? When did he smile at me? And it was the crooked smile I loved so much, it took at my strength to stop my heart from melting. It made me very suspicious, there was no way he was giving up, but he was being nice to me so surely he had. But then again he could have always been being nice to me and I never really ever gave him the chance to express it, I was too busy shouting my head off at him.

I mentally told myself to shut up and stop being so god-damn stupid as I continued wrapping the two gifts I had bought for him. One was a digital photo frame with had pictures of me and him on it that change every few minutes and Alice told me to buy him concert tickets. I had also planned something very special for later, after I had finished my shift. I finished writing on his card as I made him some toast for breakfast in bed. I had borrowed my neighbour's toaster because it toasted "Good Morning" and "I Love You" onto the toast which I thought was cheesy and cute. I poured out a mug of coffee for him before carrying the card, gifts and breakfast upstairs to find Sam awake in bed with a neatly wrapped gift, a bunch of red and white roses and a card laid out on the bed next to him.

"Happy Valentine's, Love." I said I slid the breakfast tray onto the night stand.

"Happy Valentine's, My Bella." He replied with a glorious smile across his face, "thank you for the breakfast, exactly what I needed and with cute messages" he mumbled as he chewed on his toast.

"My pleasure." I replied as I kissed his cheek. While I waited for him to finish his toast, which didn't take very long at all, I took the roses downstairs and place them in a vase of water.

"Who's going first then." he asked as he took a sip of his coffee, when I returned.

"Well, seeing as I've just opened my flower, which are beautiful by the way, good choice of colour, "I love you" and "you're heavenly", very fitting, I think you should open one of mine." I said, a smile in my voice as I passed him one of his gift.

"Thank you, Wonderful, I've been dying to get my hands on these tickets but they sold within hours, how did you get a pair?"

"I never reveal my source," I answered before bursting out laughing as did Sam as we both said in unison, "Alice."

"Would you like to come with me? To the concert?" He asked after our laughter had died down.

"It's up to you, Love, you can take a friend if you like, it's your present." I smiled.

"Ok then, time for your other present," he replied passing me the flat box that was neatly wrapped in red heart paper. I carefully tore away the paper to reveal a velvet green box. Inside the box was an exquisite embedded diamond bracelet that matched the necklace he had bought me for our anniversary. I sat there staring at it for a while before I finally found my voice again.

"Sam, it's, I, well, thank you." I stuttered out.

"That's not all, turn it over." he said, his smile broadening with each passing moment. Dazed, I did as was instructed and turned the bracelet over to find inscribed on the back the words, _"Isabella Swan, you are the heart and soul of me. Without you, I would surely die. With love, Sam xx" _I sat there completely dumbfounded as Sam chuckled lightly at the expression that was written on my face. He truly was too good for me. As I sat there, he carefully slipped the bracelet from my hands and slid it thoughtfully onto my wrist.

"Sam, you are beyond words. You are far too good for me, I'm not good enough..."

Before I could finish my sentence his lips were on mine, kissing me softly, full of love, adoration and affection. It was chaste and sweet and beautiful. We only pulled away so Sam could breath. "Don't you talk like that, little Miss, because, it is you who is far too good for me, but it doesn't matter, all the matters is that I love you and you love me. That's all we need."

"Thank you Sam, you are so unbelievably wonderful, I'm afraid my last gift cannot compete with yours on any league, but I hope you like it just the same." I replied as I passed him my last gift.

Not as careful as I was, he torn the paper off and opened the box as I watched his face light up as he saw what his present was. "Love, this is beautiful. I love it. I'm going to take it to work and put it on my desk and every time I have to do that damned paperwork I can see your glorious face, I can think of all the wonderful memories we have together and know you'll be home waiting for me." he spoke, his voice cracking on the verge of tears.

"I'm glad you liked my gift so much after I saw this beautiful bracelet I wasn't sure if you was going to like it." I told him hesitantly. "But I'm very happy you like it; I had funny picking out the pictures; we have so many wonderful memories it was difficult to decide which you would like best," I added smiling at him.

"Of course I would love it; it could have been a pair of socks or a scarf that my mum gives me every Christmas and I would have loved it because you put your thought and love into it and you were the one that gave it me. But this," he said as he lifted the frame, "is the most beautiful and thoughtful present I have received and I will treasure it for as long as I live," he finished grinning at me.

"There is still space on the memory to add all our new memories as well."

"That brilliant, because I'm sure we'll have many more fantastic memories to add to the collections." he kissed me lightly on the lips before getting out if bed.

"What are we doing today then, Darling? We have until about quarter to eight before I have to at Fangtasia." I asked as I made our bed.

"I was thinking picnic in the park for lunch; boat ride on the lake, stroll around the gardens then we can go on the park and I'll push you on the swings and you can tell me I'm a jerk for pushing you too high then I'll kiss and tell you you're so cute when you're angry and you'll laugh that breath taking laugh of yours and I'd melt into your arms as we watch the sky change colour and the stars come out. How about it?" he asked as he softly kissed my lips.

"That sounds wonderful as long as there's plenty of hugs, kisses and other public displays of affection than I'd love to," I answered as I kissed him again. "You have a deal, my Love," agreeing as he kissed me again adding a little more passion to the kiss, as his hands ran over my waist and hips while mine found their way into his hair.

After a blissful moment just being in Sam's arms as he kissed me; I pulled away, our breathes laboured as I spoke "Now, now Sam, don't get too carried away; that's for later." I said, winking at him before going to get dressed. I decided to wear my cream skirt with dark blue patterns on it and my dark blue blouse and dark blue flat shoes. I slid some blue flower pins into my hair and wore the necklace, bracelet and earrings that Sam had given me.

Once I had finished I went downstairs to meet Sam. He was wearing his smart jeans and the bronze coloured shirt I had bought him; he once told me it was his "pulling Bella" shirt. I smiled at the thought but was taken from it by Sam, who said, "You look divine"

"You don't look to bad yourself" I replied grinning as a took the hand which he held out for me.

"Why, thank you."

"You are most welcome."

He led the way out the house to the car pausing slightly to lock the door. He had hired an extraordinary car; one's who make and model I didn't recognise; even after all this time I still didn't speak Car and Driver. Like a gentleman he opened the car door for me, closing it once I was seated in the car. He put a CD of romantic songs on in the background as we talked about what songs I was going to sing, I told him I had a couple of surprises and I was going to do a few sad songs for singles in the house, but most of them would be downright romantic and lovey-dovey just like him. He chuckled at that. He kept asking me what the surprises were but I kept on telling him I wasn't going to tell him. We decided to go to the cinema on Sunday when Sam had his day off; there was two new films out called The Last Airbender and Unrequited which we wanted to go see; plus Sam had promised to take me out on his next day off.

It didn't take as long as I thought it would for Sam to drive us to my favourite National Park, maybe because he was speeding most of the way in his hired wheels or whether time had just flown because I was having fun teasing and talking to Sam. When we arrived, Sam, yet again, opened the car door for me to get out the car, just like a gentleman. He took a wicker basket from the trunk before offering his hand to me. Of course I took willingly. We strolled through the midday sun; I didn't care if I sparkled like a million facet diamond and people were staring at me: the only thing I could think of or cared about was the warmth of Sam's hand as he held mine tightly. We talked happily about anything and everything; conversation always flowed freely between me and Sam. All the while he had this brood smile spread across his face that lit up his eyes as if he was the luckiest and happiest man in the world; maybe he was the happiest, because I surely was the happiest woman in the world, but I wasn't sure if he was the luckiest; I didn't ask because he would just be bias and tell me he was because he was with me. Personally I didn't buy that; to me I was the consolation prize, only second best. Sam deserved so much more than me; I wasn't anything special; I was broken and unbeknownst to him; I couldn't give my everything because *someone* had stolen most of heart and soul; breaking what I was left with to try and rebuild my life. I tried not to dwell on the point; I had everything I wanted now; someone to love and to be loved in return; someone who wanted me because I am who I am instead of trying to be someone I'm not; someone who feels I'm good enough for them; though I highly doubted it. But the sense of love and belonging was enough right now to mute the point.

Sam saw how deep in thought I was so he stopped walking; turning to see my face, a worried expression had taken over his beautiful face, "What's wrong, Bella, what are you thinking?" he asked.

"I was just thinking how I'm the luckiest girl in the world, to be here with you, to the be the object of your affections, like could be more perfect than it is right now." I replied before leaning forwards do that my lips could brush his lightly before whispering, "You worry too much," smiling at him, pulling on his hand so we could continue our walk.

We walked for what seemed like an age before Sam found the perfect place to have our Valentine picnic. It was in the middle of a field of wild flowers; reds and blues and oranges, it was like nothing I had ever seen. In the middle of said field was a gigantic oak tree which branches spread like hands to the heavens. He laid out a large woollen blanket which was striped with every colour under sun. He placed the basket he was carrying down on the blanket as he took a seat beckoning me to follow his example. I sat down and watched his unpack the things from his basket; first was a pair of champagne flutes followed by a small bottle of champagne for him and a bottle of TrueBlood for me. Then he unpacked two red heart shaped plates with red cutlery and napkins that were decorated with small red hearts; I smiled as I saw them knowing each heart he would give me willingly if he could because he loved me entirely too much. He then stopped a frown appearing on his face which I didn't want to be there so I asked him what was wrong. He replied, "You said, when we were at La Push that you couldn't digest food; that you would have to bring it back up later; well it never occurred to me that it must me rather uncomfortable for you. I planned this without taking it into account you couldn't eat; I swear sometimes I think you are human; I'm so stupid and sorry about this; why didn't I think of it before? I guess what I'm trying to say is, is you don't have to eat anything if you don't want to; I'll understand." his last words cam out with a sigh.

"And miss your cooking? You've got to be kidding me. I wouldn't eat it if I didn't want to, never forget that. Sometimes Sam I really wish I was human it would make things a whole lot easier for me but then again if I was still human I would certainly be dead and I would never have met you," I finished as I kissed him softly on the cheek.

He beamed broadly before unpacking his cooking for the basket. For starter he had oysters with chilli, ginger and rice wine vinegar, for main course he had prepared citrus seared tuna with crispy noodles, herbs and chilli and lastly, for dessert, he made me my favourite, baked chocolate pudding. I sat there awe struck; he had gone through so much trouble to prepare this for us and it looked exquisite. I felt quite guilty for having gone to so much trouble. There was a warm breeze blowing as we ate; Sam's food looked fabulous and if only I was human I could have been able to taste what he had prepared us; luckily my imagination and my memories served me well especially with the baked chocolate pudding. Sam proposed a toast to making every moment count. I thought it was incredibly sweet. When we had finished; Sam packed away all our belongings before taking a hold of my hand. We made a quick trip back to the car before continuing our day. Instead of going back the way we came from our picnic; Sam took me in the other direction. We walked through the forest along gravel trails talking animatedly until we arrived at our destination; the lake. On the water's edge was a small wooden boat with two seats and a pair of ores. He extended his hand to me so I took it. He pulled me close to his body; twirling me around before placing me delicately back on my feet inside the boat. He kept a hold of my hand so he could steady me as I sat down. He then carefully climbed inside the boat; gently sitting down so not to upset the balance of boat on the water. Once settled he untied the rope that held the boat to the shore; picked up the ores; before rowing up out into the middle of the lake. The water was beautiful; pure and clear, as I watched my reflection ripple as the boat moved through the water. I put my fingers into the water watching the circular ripples form and dissipate again. A soft breeze gently blew, making my hair blow backwards out of my face. It was so peaceful there I didn't want to leave.

"How did you do this; people aren't usually allowed boats on the lake; they can't even fish in it." I asked slightly stunned when I realised he had gone to special measures so we could do this.

"I never reveal my sources," he replied with an impish grin on his face. I pouted; something I had learnt from Alice that came in use every now and again when I wanted to get my own way. He finally caved after a couple of seconds, "Alright I called in a couple favours from friends who got friends to do this for me; for you."

"Aww Sam; you shouldn't have the more you do the more it throws us out of balance; how can I give you anything like this," I waved my hand around in the air gesturing to what we doing; "I can't, and it hurts that I can't give you everything in return." I answered, my head hanging slightly.

"Oh Bella; you've already given me so much; you gave me you. I can't compete with you; so everything I do is restoring the balance between us because you are far too good for me. And anyway, if you truly believe that all you have to do is sing in your angelic, musical voice and then it is all restored because your love and song complete me. You're all I need."

I leaned forward to kiss him when the boat toppled and I slipped over the side of the boat for Sam could catch me. Under the water was even more beautiful than it's surface. I could see all the fish and other wildlife go about their daily life. Naturally they fled when they sensed me but it was still wonderful witness. I rose to the surface; laughing. Sam looked so shocked. A grin spread across my face.

"Race you to the shore," I said.

"Alright," he called but I had already taken off, I'm sure I heard him mumble "cheater" as I swam. Of course I won; sitting on the shoreline smugly as he climbed out the boat; tying it to the side.

"Cheater," he said when he reached me.

"No, I'm not a cheater; just naturally gifted or unnaturally gifted, whichever applies," I replied with a smile. He chuckled taking a hold of my hand before kissing me.

"Now, that's cheating," I replied, "You should no better than to kiss me passionately like that; you know what that does to me."

He looked at me with a sincere face before speaking, "I'm so sorry, I'll stop that then."

"Please, don't stop." I whispered, hiding my face behind my hair; my heart almost breaking; another man who did want me.

That was when I felt strong arm around me, lifting my entire frame, a hand lifting up my chin so he could see my face, "Please don't hide your face from me," he whispered softly before his lips came crashing onto mine with lust and intense passion before slowing into a kiss full of love and complete adoration. As we broke away; the biggest smile spread across his face as he placed me back on my feet before we walked to the formal garden. Obviously I got stared at for sparkling and being all wet as well; but I didn't mind, I was too busy talking to Sam about which flowers we thought were prettiest flowers, which we preferred and which we would like in the garden that I had decided to redesign this year with a little help from Esme.

We passed through the gardens into the children's park. There were quite a few children about with their parents and the rest of their families as me and Sam strolled up to a swing that stood outside the children's play area with a massive red bow on it. When we arrived Sam asked me to undo the bow and sit down so I did as he gently began to push me; we spent ages like that, me on the swing as he gently pushed me. Then I slowly noticed the time between pushes was getting shorter and shorter and I was getting higher and higher until it was at the point I was screaming at Sam to stop because it was much too high for my liking. When it got to a slow enough pace which was low enough to the ground I jumped off, walking over to Sam, a serious look on my face.

"You can cliff dive from great heights but you can't handle a swing?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Cliff diving is straight down; swings I'm afraid to come full circle, it makes my stomach churn." I replied still angry.

"Oh," he replied before chuckling lightly hoping I would hear.

"You such a jerk you know," I replied walking off but he caught my wrist pulling me back to him; lifting me slightly so our lips met in a soft, sweet kiss.

"You're so cute when you are angry." I laughed despite my previous anger; it had all faded away. "Ah, there it is that breath-taking laugh of yours; it's so beautiful; just like you." he said pulling me next to him on the grass; where we stayed in each others arms watching the sky change colours of various blue shades then pinks and oranges and lilacs before darkening into a midnight blue and star scattering themselves across the blue canvas like a painting. After what only seemed like a short moment; it was time to leave for Fangtasia. The journey there was a quiet one both of us reflecting on what a magical day we had just had.

We arrived at Fangtasia at about ten to eight where I was attacked by Pam, Rose and Alice who dragged me to my dressing room, tortured me with all sorts of make-up before making me wear a long, low-cut, chiffon dress that was the most daring shade of red, curling my hair into tight ringlets and fitting on a pair of death-trap heels in the same daring red. That was pretty much how the night went. I went from being attacked by over-active vampire girls to singing a wide range of love songs including Wonderful Tonight; You're My First, My Last, My Everything; I Will Always Love You; Your Song; I'd Do Anything For Love; I Want To Know What Love Is; My Heart Will Go On; Hero; Every I Do, I Do It For You and Because You Loved Me to name but a few of the endless songs I sang. I managed to squeeze a few breaks in, in which I spent my time in Sam's arms dancing while he whispered sweet nothings in my ear. After what only seemed like a few short moments the night was drawing to a close and I had my ending all prepared.

"Well, this Valentine night is drawing to a close; I hope you have had a fabulous evening with you loved one and if you are single. I hope maybe tonight has brought you together with someone who could turn out to be the one you were looking for. Mr or Mrs Right are there waiting for you somewhere; in the same position you are in now; have faith in love; when I finally did it brought me Sam and I have never been happier so it does work miracles. Anyway back on with the show; for my closing songs I would like to do some personal dedications and to start it off this is for my best friend Jake and his Leah; this is The Scientist by Coldplay," I looked over at Jake and Leah who beamed at me before he kissed her and I took that as my cue to start,

"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you

Tell you I need you

Tell you I've set you apart

Tell me your secrets

And ask me your questions

Oh, let's go back to the start

Running in circles

Coming up tails

Heads on the science apart

Nobody said it was easy

It's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing

At numbers and figures

Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science

Science and progress

Do not speak as loud as my heart

Oh tell me you love me

Come back and haunt me

Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles

Chasing our tails

Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy

Oh, it's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ah ooh ooh ooh ooh

Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh,"

I could see as I sang the song Jake was miming the words to Leah who was blushing a thousand shades of red.

"My next dedication this evening is to my sister; Ally and her husband Jazzy; sorry guys but you know I love using your nickname, this is I Knew I Loved You By Savage Garden," I could Alice grinning as Jasper watched her, his eyes full of adoration before meeting my gaze and smiling. I returned the smile before starting to sing,

"Maybe it's intuition

Some things you just don't question

Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant

And there it goes, I think I've found my best friend

I know that it might sound

More than a little crazy

But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you

I think I dreamed you into life

I knew I loved you before I met you

I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason

Only a sense of completion

And in your eyes, I see the missing pieces

I'm searching for, I think I've found my way home

I know that it might sound

More than a little crazy

But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you

I think I dreamed you into life

I knew I loved you before I met you

I have been waiting all my life

Ooh hoo ooo, hoo hoo ooo ohh

A thousand angels dance around you

(Ooh hoo, hoo ooo hoo ooo hoo hoo hoo)

I am complete now that I have found you

I knew I loved you before I met you

I think I dreamed you into life

I knew I loved you before I met you

I have been waiting all my life

I knew I loved you before I met you

I think I dreamed you into life

I knew I loved you before I met you

I have been waiting all my life

I knew I loved you before I met you, I knew I loved you

(Ooh hoo ooo, hoo hoo ooo)

I knew I loved you before I met you, I knew I loved you

(Ooh hoo ooo, hoo hoo hoo)

I knew I loved you before I met you

(Oh oh, ohh ohh, oh oh oh ay ay yea oh)

I knew I loved you before I met you, I knew I loved you

I knew I loved you before I met you"

I could see as I sang that they were having one of their private moment were the just stared into each others eyes as if they were reading each others souls; it was so intimate I had to look away.

"My next dedication is to my big brother Emmett and he beautiful wife Rose; I hope you like it," I smiled as Rose watched Emmett wave at me from their table. "This is I Melt by Rascal Flatts,

When you light those candles

Up there on that mantle, setting the mood

Well, I just lie there staring

Silently preparing to love on you

Well, I can feel the heat from across the room

Ain't it wild what a little flame can make you wanna do

I melt every time you look at me that way

It never fails, anytime, any place

This burn in me is the coolest thing I've ever felt

I melt

Don't know how you do it

I love the way I lose it, every time

What's even better

Is knowing that forever you're all mine

The closer you get, the more my body aches

One little stare from you is all it takes

I melt every time you look at me that way

It never fails, anytime, any place

This burn in me is the coolest thing I've ever felt

I melt

I melt every time you look at me that way

It never fails, anytime, any place

This burn in me is the coolest thing I've ever felt

I melt

Every time you look at me that way

I melt, I melt."

"This dedication is to Eric and Pam, yes, I know you're not a couple but this is joke guys, it so suits you employer/employee relationship, I'm gonna change it a little so it fits better, Hot n Cold by Katie Perry." The looks on their faces was priceless as I sang, it was even more funny when Eric asked Pam to dance. It was hard to keep a straight face and sing.

"This one goes out to a couple like no other I have ever seen; they are practically the meaning of a love that stands the test of time; if their story was ever written; their romance would be greater than that of Romeo and Juliet and have afar happier ending. I don't know what I would have done without these two fabulous people; they are the best parents anyone could ask for; this is for you, Carlisle and Esme, How To Save A Life by The Fray." I could see Carlisle with his arm around Esme as she stared up at him, her heart shaped face pulled up slightly as she smiled, her eyes wide with love as she wagged Carlisle nod at me before returning her gaze, smiling; running his finger over her cheek. So not to intrude any longer, I began to sing,

"Step one you say we need to talk

He walks you say sit down it's just a talk

He smiles politely back at you

You stare politely right on through

Some sort of window to your right

As he goes left and you stay right

Between the lines of fear and blame

And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And would I have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best

Cause after all you do know best

Try to slip past his defence

Without granting innocence

Lay down a list of what is wrong

The things you've told him all along

And I pray to God he hears you

And I pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And would I have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice

You lower yours and grant him one last choice

Drive until you lose the road

Or break with the ones you've followed

He will do one of two things

You will admit to everything

Or he'll say he's just not the same

And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And would I have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

How to save a life"

"My last but certainly not least dedication is to a man. A man, who saved me in so many ways a person can be saved. Who, without his love; I wouldn't have made it her tonight; I certainly wouldn't be singing love song in front of you fine people, that's for sure. I would probably be doing the unspeakable, if I hadn't already done so. He brought me back from the empty shell I was; leading my empty life, daring to let no one in my heart for I knew disappointment and heartache would soon follow. He taught me to live; and to love again; this is for my Sam; Dreams by The Cranberries," As I sang I saw him mouthing the words with me, the biggest smile on his face,

"Oh my life is changing everyday

Every possible way

Though my dreams, it's never quite as it seems

Never quite as it seems

I know I felt like this before

But now I'm feeling it even more

Because it came from you

Then I open up and see

The person fumbling here is me

A different way to be

I want more, impossible to ignore

Impossible to ignore

They'll come true, impossible not to do

Impossible not to do

Now I tell you openly

You have my heart so don't hurt me

For what I couldn't find

Talk to me amazing mind

So understanding and so kind

You're everything to me

Oh my life is changing everyday

Every possible way

Though my dreams, it's never quite as it seems

'cause you're a dream to me

Dream to me."

"My final song for this evening is a classic; a song everyone knows and most people have memories tied to; I know I have a few; some humorous, some sad, some that feel like there from another life; but they make you love the song all the same. This Is I Don't Want To Miss A Thing, by Aerosmith.

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing

Watch you smile while you are sleeping

While you're far away and dreaming

I could spend my life in this sweet surrender

I could stay lost in this moment forever

Well, every moment spent with you

Is a moment I treasure

(Chorus)

I don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream would never do

I'd still miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you

Feeling your heart beating

And I'm wondering what you're dreaming

Wondering if it's me you're seeing

Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together

And I just wanna stay with you

In this moment forever, forever and ever

(chorus)

I don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream would never do

I'd still miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss one smile

I don't wanna miss one kiss

Well, I just wanna be with you

Right here with you, just like this

I just wanna hold you close

Feel your heart so close to mine

And just stay here in this moment

For all the rest of time

(Chorus)

Don't wanna close my eyes

Don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream would never do

'Cause I'd still miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream would never do

I'd still miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

Don't wanna close my eyes

Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah

I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss a thing."

Many couples danced to the song; I could feel Edward's presence close by, pressing on the edge of my shield; the song reminded me of him; of us in so many ways. Maybe the song would give him the impression I still loved him; which I did; but I didn't want him to know; maybe singing the song was a bad idea but as I saw him silently slip outside the entrance door I didn't care; because it wasn't like he would ever feel the same.

**Edward's POV**

She sang Aerosmith. The lyrics to the song rang in my ears as she sang them, bringing back more memories of her; of us. She was right about the humorous part and them feeling like it was from a different life because it was hard to believe I had ever felt so much happiness and joy in this life; not after all the misery. Her words from before rang in my head too, have faith in love; how could I when it took my only love away from me. Her singing continued relentlessly with such depth and passion, a part of me thought that she loved me still after everything I had done to her in the past; everything I had put her through, every lie I told her; every promise I broke and everything I had done since coming back into her life; that she still felt the same. Then reality came crashing down as I realised; why would she love me; I was a monster who broke her in so many ways; who lied and cheated; who destroyed her heart and soul. I couldn't take anymore so I silently slipped out the entrance taking one last look at the love I lost before disappearing into the night.

**Bella's POV**

Before I went to change so me and Sam could go home and enjoy the rest of our Valentine evening; I went to mingle with my audience. I was greeted warmly; everyone telling me what a great show it was or what a great night they were having. The remaining Cullen thanked me individually for their dedications; earning myself a couple of bone crunching hugs from Emmett and Alice; some less crushing hugs from Rose an Esme and a kiss from both Jasper and Carlisle.

After I bid them farewell so they could finishing enjoying their evening I went to find Jake and Leah; but they found me first because I; yet again; was vein crushed from behind by a pair of strong arms. He finally released me so I could give him s proper hug.

"You came! I thought you wasn't going to show but I'm so glad you came."

"Of course we came; we wouldn't have missed this for the world." Jake said while beaming at me; his arm around Leah's waist, "I got lost on the way here I made it to Bon Temps alright but it was getting here that was the problem; I found Shreveport eventually but finding Fangtasia was a different story; what did Eric do build it in the last people would think to look?"

"Yeah pretty much. He set this club up before the Great Revelation for vampires to meet together and have a good time. It needed to be somewhere out the way so not to draw suspicion from humans, you know what the Volturi are like."

"Yeah, blood-sucking, murderous, morons, that's what the Volturi are like. Anyway, I thought the show was brilliant, that dedications were beautiful, I thought most of them were very fitting, especially Alice's and Emmett's; and of course ours and yours, but I wasn't too sure on Dr Cullen's dedication, it was a bit sad."

It was weird to hear Jake talk about the Cullens as if they were great friends and he knew all about them, but I had been talking about them a lot recently on the phone, he consider them innocent by-standers of Edward's "crime" so he forgave them, he hasn't spoken to them as far as I knew of, but it was rather odd to hear him being friendly about them, enough to comment on their dedicated songs. "It has it's own special meaning for them, I don't know what it is, but it's probably something romantic, they're both hopeless romantics."

"Yeah, I can tell. Anyway, me and Leah are going to head off now. You know, enjoy the rest of our evening," he said to me while Leah was talking to Sam, he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively like Emmett usually did before adding, "If you know what I mean."

"Get out of here Jake, I didn't want to know that. It was good to see you, thanks for coming. Hopefully, I'll see you up at La Push soon. I wanna challenge you to a cliff dive match." I said, pretending to be grossed out.

"Ooo, Little Miss thinks she's got what it takes to challenge the big boys, does she?" he said in his sarcastic tone.

"You know full well I've got what it takes...and more, now get out before I throw you out, idiot, you suppose to be spending time with Leah."

"Alright, alright, I'm going, see you soon Bells, take care, ok. And keep me informed about the you know what situation, remember, need someone to tear the shit apart I'm a phone call away."

"Thanks Jake, for everything, see ya later."

And with that he took Leah's hand, wrapping his jacket around her and they disappeared off into the night. Finally, me and Sam were alone. "Time to go I think, Sam."

"Indeed, before I get too carried away with kissing you." He replied taking my hand, walking to the car park. He opened the door of the car for me, shutting it behind me, before driving home.

It didn't take long for us to get home. Sam was driving like a Cullen, which still scared me slightly, but we were home in record time. We didn't even get inside the house before Sam had me in his arms. He only just managed to open the door of the house, pushing it closed with his back behind him. Running up the stairs, he practically kicked the bedroom door down as he placed me gently on the bed, his lips moving over my lips and neck feverishly while his hand carefully undid the dress I was wearing to reveal his last surprise, Alice, Rose and I had gone lingerie shopping a couple of weeks back, and I picked out a red set which had bows that if you pulled undid them, I thought it looked liked opening gift wrap and Alice assured me Sam would love them; and by the look on his face now, he did.

We spent the rest of our Valentine's evening and the early morning loving each other in all the ways a person could be loved; we were in utter ecstasy. It felt like pure heaven. I would have been happy to spent the rest of my forever the way I was with Sam in that moment.

My Valentine's couldn't have been more perfect.

**[A/N: Hope you liked it, I know it's a bit longer, but it's Valentine's so I thought you could have a treat. Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading and I'll see you again soon for the next chapter; hope you review :D I love reviews; they're like my sunshine!! E-M-C xx]**


	13. The End Of Everything

The End Of Everything

Months had passed since my Valentine performance at Fangtasia. We watched the sunny weather come and go and the days turn darker and the nights grow colder. Life couldn't be any better than it was then. My little bookshop was doing really well; I had a few events over the summer, I had a book signing and a couple of other offer. I was glad that it was thriving as well as it was. Of course some of the Cullen family were frequent customers, mainly Alice, Carlisle and Esme, but they all popped in to see me every now and again. And when I said all of them, I meant all of them, so that meant Edward came over as well, but never alone.

It was quite odd how he just started acting nice and polite around me all of a sudden. It got worse than my favourite crooked smile when his eyes met mine; he was speaking to me now, greeting me and asking me how I was. To be honest it was quite unnerving because it wasn't what I was expecting. I was expecting him to be begging, grovelling on the floor for my forgiveness and throwing apologies at me left, right and centre for what he done to me. But there was no begging. There was no grovelling. And there sure as hell wasn't an apologies, which downright annoyed me because he could at least have the decency to apologies. Then again, he did try and I just shout at him.

Over time, his new-found politeness had made me feel guilty about shouting and cursing at him. Oh, and the fact that I still loved him had something to do with it. I hated myself for it, because I had never seen him so hurt or shocked in all my time with him; and it took a great deal to hurt or shock Edward Cullen. And because I loved him, I felt bad because I had hurt him. Because that's what I'm like. But he had hurt me in so many ways, and he was trying to control my life even though he was unofficially back in it, which I wasn't going to stand for. So, that made me feel a tiny little bit better.

Over the months, I had spent a lot of time at the house of Cullen. But it wasn't visiting Edward. Or visiting Carlisle because I had done myself an injury, to Emmett's disappointment, he realised vampirism had cured me of my clumsiness. I spend a good amount of my afternoon's in Alice's bedroom getting ready for my performance at Fangtasia. Pam and Alice had struck an agreement; Alice does the first few outfit changes and Pam does the last few, so they both get an important time and a few in between. And if I wasn't in Alice's bedroom, I was kicking Emmett's ass at Guitar Hero. I was second on the leader board, the only person I hadn't beat was Edward, which really wasn't surprising but I was getting close. Esme also enjoyed my company when I wasn't at my bookshop, I had given Amelia extra shifts so I could spend time with Esme while the rest of the Cullen's were either at work or at school.

So, the months rolled on until it was the beginning of October, Alice had dragged me into helping her, Esme and Rose plan Alice's annual Halloween party, which unfortunately I never had the honour of going to but, Alice told me, that it didn't matter because this year's would be the best ever. So, from the beginning of October, most of my time was spent with Alice shopping for decorations, and lights, and sweets for trick-or-treaters, Alice insisted that we would mail invitation to all the people who were invited, so I spent ages hand-addressing envelopes while Alice went over plans with Esme for the decorations. It shocked me immensely when Edward offered to help me address some of the envelopes; I must have stared at him for a good five minutes before telling him he could if he wanted. Then he threw that crooked smile I loved so much at me before sitting across from me with half of my pile of envelopes. We addressed them in silence, a rather awkward yet comfortable silence. We managed to get all the envelopes finished in no time after Edward offered his assistance, I smiled at him once we had finished; something I found I was doing, against my will and more and more. When we walked into the kitchen where Alice and Esme were, Alice beamed broadly, a hint of something mischievous in her eyes. I didn't think of anything of it at the time, I only realised later what she was going.

During one of my day at the Cullen household, I got a never unexpected phone call. It started ringing and I looked down at the Caller ID to see it was Jake. I excused myself from the room, although they'd still be able to hear me outside, it was nice to know I had at least a _little_ bit of privacy.

"Hey Jake, how are you?" I asked.

"Hey, Bells, I'm good thanks and you?" he replied.

"I'm good thanks, The Cullens and I are throwing a Halloween party, so it's pretty hectic down here right now. How about you, been doing much lately, killed any rouge vampires?"

"No, no such luck recently, me and Leah went shopping for Renesmee's birthday present yesterday, but La Push is getting kinda boring, especially without you, when you going to come see us again, I need someone to cliff dive with who is _actual_ competition."

The name Renesmee struck a cord and then I remembered who she was, she was Jake's imprint, but when I was at La Push, he was with Leah, and passionately in love, it was hard to confuse a vampire but if there was one person who could do it, it was Jake,"Wait up a sec, you imprinted on Renesmee, right"?"

"Yes," he answered.

"...but you are dating Leah?" I asked.

"Yes, I can see you are confused, me and Renesmee don't feel a romantic connection, I love her, yes, as I love you, as my best friend, as a sister, as family. I'm always here for her when she needs me, like an older brother, she can always talk to me and we can do thing together but I'm not _in_ love with her and she's not _in_ love with me either, she's dating a guy called Matt and if he hurts her I'm going to kick his ass. Anyway, I'm in love with Leah. You unconfused now?" he asked once he had finished explaining.

"Yes, that must be quite odd, considering all the previous imprinted pack members felt a romantic connection to their imprintee," I mused.

"Imprints are of a mutual benefit, we are what the other needs us to be, it is rare to feel no romantic connection but it is quite nice, you don't have the free will of falling in love taken away from you and you always have someone to depend upon as well. There has a been a couple of case of imprinting like mine in the Quileute tribe but not many. I feel I get the best of it though, because I still have the choice to fall in love whereas other pack members didn't."

"Yes, I see, it's a shame that it wasn't like that for Sam, Emily and Leah, but then again, maybe that was the way it was suppose to be, fate if you will, that separated them, as if you and Leah should have always been together," I mused again.

"Hmm, you have an interesting point, maybe it was," he replied, absent-mindedly. There was a long pause before I broke the silence.

"Anyway, was there a reason you rang, do you need something?" I asked.

"Oh yeah erm...me and Leah was wondering if you wanted to celebrate a late birthday with us in La Push, seeing as we didn't get the chance to come your non-existent birthday party down there."

"I didn't feel like having a party, not with the Cullens back in my life, reminding me of how it went wrong. I couldn't bare it, not on that day..." "_The day that was the end of everything"_ I thought to myself, "...even though Alice did beg and plead and beg, you should have seen her face when she had a vision of my birthday coming and passing without a single present from the Cullens. I was, naturally, thankful of that, but I'm sure they'll find a way to get me a present without me realising it. Me and Sam just had a quiet, little dinner at home, he cooked, though I couldn't eat anything. And Eric came over for a couple of drinks and to me a present which was originally supposed to be an anniversary gift from all the staff and customers at Fangtasia but he saved it for my birthday instead, it was a mother of pearl necklace, bracelet, earrings and hairpins. I'll show you next time we're up there which will be for this late birthday thing your throwing for me but I'll have to let you know a date though if that's ok?"

"Yeah, that's cool, anyway, speaking of Cullen, do you still need someone to smash his head in?"

"No, he's behaving rather oddly and I keep seeing odd emotions in his eyes, like pain and love, but only when he's around me, it's really odd, but I'll let you know how it turns out later. I have to go before Alice kills me that I haven't done what's she's asked me to do, I'll ring you to let you know a date, ok?"

"Yeah, you keep me posted, first signs of trouble, I'll burn him. Ring me soon, ok, Bells?"

"Will do, love you."

"Love you too, Bells, bye," was his reply as he hung up the phone. I ended the call to be startled by another voice, which wasn't as deep or as husky as Jacob's, but just as pleasant, a voice I would recognise anywhere; _Edward_.

"What's really odd?" he asked, quietly, though he still startled me.

"Just some stuff that's happening with a friend," I lied.

"Oh, anything I can help with?" he asked sincerely.

"Not really, but thank you for the offer." I replied.

"If you need me, you know where to find me," he said, sadness in his voice this time as he turned and walked away. Edward was getting odder and odder by the second, and it was really starting to unnerve me.

One very depressing day in October, Alice dragged me along with the rest of the female Cullens shopping for "the perfect Halloween costume". Emmett thought it was hilarious how I clung desperately to Esme's kitchen side as Alice pulled my legs to try and get me to come out the door. It wasn't until I shouted "Bite Me" at the top of my voice we caught all the Cullens attentions. I could hear them laughing in the background but I wasn't going to let go of the side and Alice pulled relentlessly. I did point out several times that she'd wouldn't get me to more, that strength was one of my abilities, but that was when she got Emmett to help to, which of course had the rest of them in stitches. It wasn't until I heard my leg tear under Emmett's grasp and a low hiss from behind me I decided that enough was enough and let go. Alice was very pleased obviously, and Emmett thought the whole thing was damn amusing, especially when I scolded him for nearly tearing my entire leg off, he was on the floor rolling about and howling with laughter.

So, I went shopping. Unwillingly. After hours of searching and at least a hundred shops, Alice found me the most perfect dress to wear, because she said I should be Cinderella. It was a creamy pearl dress which had a corset top which was beaded and showed of my waist and chest and rested on my hips and the skirt flared out with a cotton underskirt and layers of net before a layer of silk and topped off with a layer of lace which was beaded in the same intricate patterns as the corset top. The dress came with a pair of glass slippers and a masquerade mask with the same patterns and beading as the dress.

Rose and Emmett were going to dress up as Barbie and Ken so Rose had picked out a baby pink blouse and a bright pink pencil skirt and jacket to match. She found some pink butterflies to pin in her hair and a pair of bright pink killer heels. She picked Emmett out black, smart pair of pinstriped trousers and a fitted white shirt which was finished off with a pair of patent shoes. Carlisle and Esme were going to be Superman and Lois Lane so Carlisle had the traditional Superman suit and wig to hide his blonde hair and Esme had a dress suit, a pair of glasses and subtle heels. She also decided on Japanese hairpins to hold her hair up. Alice and Jasper were pixie King and Queen so Alice had a cute purple cocktail dress whose shirt was cut in a zigzag pattern along with purple ballet flats and Jasper was going to be in a tux with a purple tie. Both of them were purple wings. Apparently; Alice had already bought Edward's costume so we didn't have to look around for his. After hours of shopping I had to endure more torture in the form of Barbie Bella for that night's performance at Fangtasia.

Naturally I told Sam of the Halloween party at the Cullens residence. He apologised continually for not being able to make it, because Merlotte's was having it's own Halloween do and because Sam owned and managed the bar he had to be there because people tended to get rowdy, abusive and violent of Halloween and he didn't think that Terry would be able to handle it alone. I didn't blame him, I could clearly see his point and I told him this but he still persistently apologised.

The day of the Halloween party arrived soon enough and I spent most of my hanging pumpkin and spider shaped lights around the house along with fake cobwebs and blood. Emmett had hung skeletons in various places. Edward and Jasper had craved loads of pumpkins that were dotted around the house. There were also fake black cats and a dead body. It truly looked like the house of a vampire. The rest of the day; while the men finished the decorating, I was in Alice's room getting ready. It wasn't as bad as it was when I was human because she didn't have to plaster my face in foundation or blusher. She just did a little eye-liner and eye-shadow as well as lip-gloss. My hair took the longest. She decided that it would look best up so she put it up using some pearl hair pins and an intricate hair net was also had pearls fashioned into it. By the time she had finished I looked beautiful even if I did say so myself; naturally Alice thought I looked beautiful; she said something like "anyone dressed by me always look perfect, your no exception to that rule, Bella." I rolled my eyes at her.

As I descended the stairs, Alice tugging my hand, it reminded me so much of an event in my past that didn't bring back any happy memories; my eighteenth birthday. Except this time round I wouldn't be attacked because my blood was too tempting, it wasn't my birthday and Edward wouldn't leave me afterwards because I'm not his to leave. I distinctly remember taking everyone's unnecessary breath away because I could hear no-one breathing; except Edward's, for some reason he wasn't present.

"Do I really look that bad?" I asked.

"You like absolutely beautiful, Bella," Carlisle told me as Esme beamed at me.

"Yeah, little Sis, you look like a fairytale princess. Magical," Emmett replied once Carlisle had finished.

"Thank you. So when are the guests going to arrive?" I asked.

"Eric is going to be here in five, four, three, two,one..." Alice chimed in.

As soon as Alice said "one", the doorbell rang. Alice quickly got the door, we heard it open and then giggles erupt from Alice. As she returned to the living room she was followed by Eric who was wearing black trousers and shoes, a red satin belt, a frilly, white shirt and a large, black cap that flowed around his ankles, looked like a Volturi cloak. In his mouth was a pair of plastic fangs and his hair was gelled back.

"Eric? Have you dressed up as a vampire?"

"Why, Isabella, don't you look stunning, like a real princess. Yes, I have dressed up as a vampire, but not any vampire, I'm Count Dracula."

"Very nice and traditional, we need a few real looking vampires, after all it is Halloween."

Then the guests started flooding through the Cullen house doors, yet there was still no sign of Edward which was quite odd, though he never did seem the type of person who really enjoyed a good party, I suppose he probably got used to them after living with Alice for all those years and if he was hiding surely Alice would see this and drag him back, surely? She always did with me.

It was my turn to do door duty as more guests piled into the Cullen home, when the door bell rang. Answering it, I was proceeded to be pounced on by three blonde females who pulled me into a bone-crushing hug. Close behind them was three males, two with black hair and the other with a sandy brown, on the arm of the black haired vampire, was another female who had the same colour hair. All of them were startlingly beautiful and all golden eyed. One of the blondes began to speak,

"Oh my gosh, you must be Bella, we've heard so much about you! We feel like we already know you. Wait, weren't you human?"

"Irina, you're so insensitive. They told us she was turned remember, by Victoria. You just brought back a lot of painful memories for Bella. Apologise," one of the other blondes said.

"Oh, right, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring back painful memories, we just heard a lot the human you as well, I momentarily forgot, I'm sorry," I assumed Irina was her name, said.

Realisation dawned on my face I learnt who they were; a coven of vegetarian vampires who knew a lot about me, both human and vampire, which consisted mostly of the most beautiful women, apart from Rosalie, I had ever seen; they were the Denali's.

"So," I said after a pause, "You all must be the Denali's. And if your Irina, then," I looked at the other two blondes, one was far more pretty than the other, so pointing to the pretty of the two I spoke again, "You must be Tanya and you Kate. I've heard a lot about the Denali sisters too."

I was sure one of them squealed in delight as Tanya spoke, "Let me introduce you to the rest of our coven then, this couple here, is Carmen and Eleazar." I shook their hands and said hello as Tanya continued, "and this is Garrett, he is Kate's mate and that is Laurent, he is Irina's mate." My head shot round from shaking Garrett's hand as I heard Laurent's name. I hiss escaped my mouth and I crouched, preparing to attack when he spoke,

"Bella, please, listen to me. I know that you must hate me with much passion, and I know you want to cause me as much pain as I caused you but I want to apologise. I would have never attacked you if Victoria hadn't threatened Irina's life, I couldn't bare to have her leave me, so I did what I must in order to have protected her. After we had left you, she said she was going attack Irina anyway, but as a coven we managed to destroy her and she suffered a great pain, I can promise you that. I regret everyday for helping her change you, when at the time all you wanted was death, and I would have given it you, if not for Victoria. I am so very sorry, I know it sounds meaningless but I mean it. After the incident with James, I went to Denali and changed my ways, Irina changed me. If I could, I would change everything, but I cannot, so all I have to give is an apology."

I straightened out from my crouch, "I accept you're apology, but that does not mean I forgive you and I'm sure as hell never going to forget it, but I can be civil to you for the sake as everyone else."

"I understand, maybe one day I will be able to earn your forgiveness," he replied.

"We shall see," I finished, I was about to tell them to go enjoy the party when someone interrupted me,

"We shall see what?" he asked, a voice as soft as velvet. I turned to see who it was to find Edward standing there in a pair of red velvet-like trousers with a single golden stripe running up the side and a pair of black boots. He was wearing a white gloves and a white jacket which shoulders and neck was of a gold material as that of the belt that ran around the middle and a red stripe that ran diagonally from his right shoulder to the belt around his middle. He looked exactly like Prince Charming. Then I realised what Alice had done, she had dressed us as Cinderella and Prince Charming. In one of Edward's gloved hands, he was holding a box. After being distracted by him and his box for a moment, I decided to answer his question,

"Nothing much," I turned to the Denali's, "Go and enjoy yourself, the rest of the Cullen's are around somewhere, I do believe Emmett is trying to beat Jasper at Singstar by the sound of it, if any of you fancy knocking him off the top spot, be my guest, no-one has beaten him yet."

"Thank you, we'll have a go and see if we can, but I'm sure you could do that all by yourself," Tanya replied as they walked off to enjoy the party. I didn't think of that, and decided to have a go at beating Emmett, maybe make it a bet, but I was going to have to ask Alice about that first. I turned to go find her but walked into someone's hard chest, and a firm hand hold my arm tightly so that I didn't fall.

I looked up to meet the eyes of who it was I had walked into, "Oh, Edward, I'm sorry, I forgot you were there."

"Don't worry about it Bella, I just want to give you this, seeing as Alice decided you were going to be Cinderella and I, Prince Charming, I goes with the dress, I hope you wear it," he held out the box to me as I continued to stare into his eyes which were full of hope, happiness, sadness, pain and oddest of all; love. Seeing I was busy looking into his eyes, confused by the emotions I saw there, he took the liberty of breaking the eye contact by looking down at the box and opening it for me. Inside was a beautiful corsage, made from pearly white flowers, he was right, it truly did match the dress.

"Thank you," I barely stuttered as he slipped the corsage onto my wrist before softly kissing my hand.

"You look absolutely divine in that dress, Bella, then again you always looked beautiful, no matter what you wore," he spoke again, staring into my chocolate eyes, his voice thick with...adoration? Maybe, I couldn't be sure, but if it was why, it wasn't like he loved me or anything, he didn't want me.

"Thank you," I stuttered again, "You don't look too bad yourself," I finished, and it was true, he didn't look too bad, he looked so god-damn gorgeous it was making it hard for me to think, after all this time, he still dazzled me; and it was so wrong to still be in love with him especially when I was with Sam, but after all he had done, sometimes I asked myself why I still did.

Then he did that my favourite, breath-taking, crooked smile before walking away, leaving me truly dazzled by the door, as he left I could have sworn I heard him whisper, "and you can bump into me any time you like," under his breath. When I finally came to my senses I searched out Alice who told me that I would kick Emmett off the top of leader board for Singstar so I went off to win my bet.

"Hey, Emmett, how about a little bet?" I asked, knowing Emmett's weakness for betting.

"You're on!" he replied enthusiastically.

"Ok then, Singstar, me and you, if I win you can't make anymore sexual innuendos about me and Sam, ever again and you have to buy me that new bike I wanted."

"Deal, but if I win, it's going to get a whole lot worse and you have to buy me that new Jeep we were looking at the other day, plus you have to announce that you lost to the mighty Emmett at the club tomorrow night."

"Deal." Hasn't anyone told him to never bet against Alice?

"Ladies, first, CinderBella," he replied, handing me the microphone.

"Why, thank you, Ken," I said as I scrolled through the songs when I found the perfect song, Feargal Sharkey's A Good Heart, and I began to sing,

"I hear a lot of stories

I suppose they could be true

All about love

And what it can do to you

High is the risk of striking out

The risk of getting hurt

And still, I have so much to learn

I know, 'cause I think about it all the time

I know that real love is quite a vice

And a good heart these days is hard to find (a good heart)

True love, the lasting kind

A good heart these days is hard to find

So please be gentle with this heart of mine

My expectations may be high

I blame it on my youth

Soon enough I learned the painful truth

I'll face it like a fighter

Then boast of how I've grown

Anything is better than being alone

Well I know, 'cause I learn a little every day

I know, 'cause I listen when the experts say

That a good heart these days is hard to find (a good heart)

True love, the lasting kind

A good heart these days is hard to find (ooh)

So please be gentle with this heart of mine, yeah

Hey

As I reflect on all my childhood dreams

My ideas of love weren't as foolish as they seemed

If I don't start looking now, I'll be left behind

And a good heart these days, it's hard to find

I know, it's a dream I'm willing to defend

I know it will all be worth it in the end

And a good heart these days is hard to find (a good heart)

True love, the lasting kind

A good heart these days is hard to find

So please be gentle with this heart of mine

And a good heart these days is hard to find (a good heart)

True love, the lasting kind

(Ooh) a good heart these days is hard to find

So please be gentle with this heart

With this heart of mine

(Oh oh oh oh oh oh, a good heart)

(Ah, hey hey, a good heart)

(Oh oh oh oh oh oh, a good heart)

(Ah-ha ah-ha ah-ha, a good heart)

(Oh oh oh, keep it up, keep it up, keep it up)"

The crowd that we had gathered clapped and cheered and I could vaguely make out Edward standing at the back of the crowd, pain filling the expression in his face. Then, Emmett began singing Lionel Richie's All Night Long.

"Da Da, ooooh

Well, my friends, the time has come

(To) raise the roof and have some fun

Throw away the work to be done

Let the music play on....(Play on, play on, play on..)

Everybody sing, everybody dance

Lose yourself in wild romance

We're going to Party, Karamu, Fiesta, forever

Come on and sing along!

We're going to Party, Karamu, Fiesta, forever

Come on and sing along!

All night long (all night), All night (all night)

All night long (all night), All night (all night)

All night long (all night), All night (all night)

All night long! (all night), Ooh, yeah (all night)

People dancing all in the street

See the rhythm all in their feet

Life is good, wild and sweet

Let the music play on...(Play on, play on, play on...)

Feel it in your heart and feel it in your soul

Let the music take control

We're going to Party, Liming, Fiesta, forever

Come on and sing along

We're going to Party, Liming, Fiesta, forever

Come on and sing my song!

All night long (all night), oooh, (all night)

All night long (all night), yeah, (all night)

All night long (all night), yeah, (all night)

All night long (all night)...(all night)

Yeah, once you get started you can't sit down

Come join the fun, it's a merry-go-round

Everyone's dancing their troubles away

Come join our party, See how we play!

[Chant}

Tam bo li de say de moi ya

Hey Jambo Jumbo

Way to party o we goin'

Oh, jambali

Tam bo li de say de moi ya

Yeah, Jambo, jumbo

Oh, O, O, O, yes

We're going to have a party! (Yeah...ugh)

All night long (all night), All night, (all night)

All night long (all night), All night, (all night)

All night long (all night), All night, (all night)

All night long (all night)...(ugh)

We're going to Party, Kalamu, Fiesta, forever

Come on and sing along!

We're going to Party, Kalamu, Fiesta, forever

Come on and sing my song!

All night long (all night), All night, (all night)

All night long (all night), All night, (all night)

All night long (all night), All night, (all night)

All night long (all night)...(ugh)

All night, (all night), All night, (all night),

All night, (all night), All night, (all night),

All night, (all night), All night, (all night),

All night, (all night), Ugh, (all night),

Everyone you meet (all night)

They're jamming in the street (all night)

All night long! (All night)

Yeah, I said, (All night)

Everyone you meet (All night)

They're jamming in the street (All night)

All night long! (All night)

Feel good! Feel good! (All night)

(All night to fade)"

Emmett was a surprisingly good singer, which shocked me, I didn't think he would be good a singing he didn't seem the type. I picked my next song which was Apologise by OneRepublic

"I'm hangin' on your rope,

Got me ten feet off the ground.

And I'm hearin' what you say,

But I just can't make a sound.

You tell me that you need me,

Then you go and cut me down...

But wait...

You tell me that you're sorry,

Didn't think I'd turn around...

And say...

[Chorus]

That it's too late to apologize.

It's too late...

I said it's too late to apologize.

It's too late.

Yeah!

I'd take another chance,

Take a fall, take a shot for you.

I need you like a heart needs a beat,

But it's nothin' new.

I loved you with a fire red,

Now it's turnin' blue...

And you say...

Sorry, you're not the angel

Heaven let me think was you...

But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize.

It's too late.

I said it's too late to apologize.

It's too late.

Whoa!

[Interlude]

It's too late to apologize.

It's too late.

I said it's too late to apologize.

It's too late.

It's too late to apologize. YEAH!

I said it's too late to apologize. YEAH!

I'm holdin' on your rope,

got me ten feet off the ground."

Cheers and claps surrounds us as Emmett began his next song which was Killer Queen by Queen. Then it came round to my last song, Emmett was just beating by a couple of point so I picked my song carefully, and finally I chose "Can Never Say Goodbye," by the Communards,

"(Woo hoo, woo hoo, hoo)

Never can stay goodbye, no no no no I

Never can say goodbye

Even though the pain and heartache seem to follow me wherever I go

Though I try and tried to hide my feelings, they always seem to show

Then you try to say you're leaving me and I always have to say no

Tell me why, is it so?

That I never can say goodbye, no no no no I

Never can say goodbye

Every time I think I've had enough, I start heading for the door

There's a very strange vibration-a piercing me right through the core

It says "turn around you fool, you know you love her more and more"

Tell me why, is it so?

Don't want to let you go

I never can say goodbye boy, ooh ooh baby

I never can say goodbye, no no no, no no no, ooh, oh

I never can say-a goodbye boy, ooh ooh, ooh

I never can say goodbye, no no no, no no no, ooh

Never can say goodbye, no no no no no no no I

Never can say goodbye

I keep thinkin' that our problems soon are all gonna work out

But there's that same unhappy feelin', a-there's that anguish, there's that doubt

It's the same ol' dizzy hang up, can't do with you or without

Tell me why, is it so?

Don't want to let you go

I never can say goodbye boy, ooh ooh baby

I never can say goodbye, no no no, no no no, ooh, oh

I never can-a say-a goodbye boy, ooh, oh

I never can say goodbye, no no no no no no no no no, ooh, oh girl

I never can say goodbye boy, ooh baby,

I never can say goodbye, no no no no no no no

I never can say goodbye boy."

The cheering and the clapping was louder this time as Emmett chose his last song, "Shut Up and Let Me Go", by the Ting-Tings. He sang it well but not good enough as Alice predicted and I won. The people who were watching clapped and cheered as me and Emmett shook hands,

"Well sung, Emmett, but you just can't beat a professional, and I'm looking forward to my bike." I told him.

"Yeah yeah, me and you, Guitar Hero, tomorrow afternoon, and then the bike is yours."

"Deal." I said and smiled before parting to go and get myself a TrueBlood. I walked through the crowd of people that now filled the Cullen house, I stopped every now and again to talk to people I knew, have my photo taken by Alice with Rose and Esme, chat with Eric about my upcoming seventies night. After spending what seemed like ages, I finally got to the kitchen. There was hardly anyone in there, and it was quiet thankfully. I went over to the fridge and grabbed a TrueBlood, shoved it in the microwave, then drank. It was only then I realised that I wasn't alone and I had a pretty good idea who it was.

As I turned around, my suspicions were confirmed, standing in the doorway, watching me drink, was Edward. And he was staring. When I finished what I was doing I spoke to him,

"Was there something you wanted, Edward, or are you going to stare me all night?" I asked lightly.

"How did you know I was staring at you all night? You weren't even looking in my direction most of the time?" he questioned.

"I didn't. I was referring to now, with the staring," I replied.

"Oh," was his only answer, if he could have blushed, I was sure he would have.

I turned to leave when he spoke again, "Wait, I wanted to ask you something, if that's ok?"

"Yes, that's ok, go ahead."

"Will you dance with me, please?" he asked slowly and quietly, like he was afraid of me, or shy of me or something. Or was he nervous that I'd turn him down? There was something in his voice, an emotion, that I did not recognise. I turned right around to face him, where I met his eye, which again were full of an unexplainable sadness and pain. In that moment, I forgot everything. Where I was, why I was here, Sam, the Cullen's, even my own name. I couldn't remember, the only thing I could focus on was Edward and the arching need to get rid of the sadness and pain from his eyes, to have them light up with happiness like they used to when we were together. Then I felt the terrible urge to kiss his lips, too feel like I used to and purely to see what would happen. I decided against it but accepted his offer to dance, which cured some of the sadness in his eyes, but not all of it.

We danced to a few song, and it was fun, the most fun I had had with Edward in a very long time, and I really enjoyed it, but then a slow song came on, the type where you and your dance partner have no personal space. Edward held out his hand, and I took it, not knowing what possessed me to, maybe the same urge that made me what to kiss him early. He pulled me close to his chest as he wrapped his other hand around my waist, resting it on the small of my back. My hands found their way around him as his other hand joined the one on the small of my back. I rested my head against his chest as we moved slowly to the music, with that same electricity I felt in Biology all those years ago flowing freely through us. I could have happily stayed there forever, in his arms, and let everything else melt away. A small part of my head was screaming to let go, that I had Sam and Edward had hurt me far to much to ever be able to be trusted again, but for once I didn't listen to my head, I listened to my heart, which was telling me to stay right where I was.

The song ended all too soon and we both reluctantly let each other go, I looked up at him, the sadness ever present in his eyes, and thanked him for the dance. He just smiled, nodded and walked away. I was left standing there in the middle of the dance floor, luckily Eric cut in so I didn't look like a fool for too long. We dance a couple of dances until it was time for all the guests to leave. We all said I goodbye's until it finally got to to mine.

"See you tomorrow Alice, I'm sure you have some very funky outfits for my seventies night." I said.

"You bet I do, love you Bella, see you tomorrow," she said hugging me and kissing my cheek.

"See you soon Carlisle, Esme, I'll be over tomorrow anyway," I said as I hugged Esme first and then Carlisle, each saying goodbye.

"I know Emmett, Guitar Hero, tomorrow, you and me, so I can get my bike," I laughed as he pulled me into his bone-crunching hug.

"Yeah, you're on and you know I'm going to win," I rolled my eyes at him before moving to Rosalie.

"See you tomorrow Rose, I'm sure you have a few ideas for my hair." I smiled as she did, hugging me and telling me goodbye.

Jasper and I shook hands, he wasn't quite ready for me to hug him, he still felt so guilty about my birthday, and we said our goodbyes.

I was just about to say goodbye to Edward when he said, "I'll walk you to your car."

I stood there, completely awe-struck, he really was acting rather oddly and it had got me questioning thing I had always believed, the biggest of these being, did he still love me? I sounded stupid and foolish and I was probably just hoping, but some small part of my mind believe he did and it explained all of him odd behaviour. I nodded my head instead of speaking, I was afraid my voice would give me away. I followed him to my car, where he had to door open for me. I carefully climbed into my car so not to ruin my dress and rolled the window down as he shut the door.

"Drive safely Bella, I will see you tomorrow."

"Good night, Edward, I had a nice time. I'll see you tomorrow." I said with a smile.

"I did too, good night, Isabella." he said, before kissing me on the forehead, with the same passion as he did when he kissed my forehead when he left me, but there was something more to the kiss, something I couldn't place. When his lips parted from my skin, a tingling sensation was left behind, it was a funny, pleasant feeling. I smiled at him, and I really smiled, before starting my car and driving away. I could see in my rearview mirror as I went, Edward still standing there, muttering something.

When I arrived home; the house was pitch black. I assumed that Sam was still at work. However when I entered the house, I heard noises coming from upstairs. Instinctively; I got into a defensive crouch, surveying the downstairs. The noises grew louder and that was when I ran upstairs and burst through the door. That was when I saw them. Sam and Pam. Together. In bed.

I couldn't believe it was happening.

It was the end of everything.

**[A/N: OME, what a cliff hanger. What's Bella going to do now, after she's discovered Sam in bed with Pam? What's going to happen to Sam, Pam and Bella? And where does Edward fit into all of this? Well you're just going to have to keep reading. Ok; Bella's Halloween dress and mask is a between the dress in "A Cinderella Story" and the dress in the masquerade ball in "The Labyrinth" and Edward's costume is that of Prince Charming in Disney's Cinderella so you know where I'm coming from. Anyway; hope you enjoyed it, I'll update as soon as I can but I'm working on a few new projects so I don't know when it'll be but it'll be as soon as I can. Thanks for reading; pretty please press the little green button. Thanks! E-MC xxx]**


	14. Dead

**[A/N: There is some bad language in this chapter, just so you know.]**

Dead

I stood there staring; I just couldn't believe what I was seeing, what I was hearing. With each moment that passed, rage and hate consumed me until all I could see was red. Neither of them had yet sensed my presence; I guessed they were a little too busy. When I finally couldn't take anymore, all the hurt and betrayal, anguish and pain came to the forefront of my mind as I ripped her off the top of Sam, flinging her across the room, into the wardrobe, splintering it into shards of wood. Turning to her, a menacing hiss escaped my lips as she stood, crouching to defend herself. She lurched herself forward into my waiting grasp, growls and hisses filled the room as we fought in a blur. It didn't last very long, with my strength I had managed to tear her arms from her torso as well as her head; throwing each new piece as far out the window as I could.

Once there was nothing left of her, without turning to the man who had betrayed me in so many ways, I ran downstairs, grabbing a large black bag, and began tearing through the house like a disastrous tornado, removing everything of his, everything he had given me, leaving order behind. When I had finished the downstairs, I threw the bag out the door and proceeded to do the same with the upstairs, all the clothes, the jewellery, everything went into the bag and out the front door. Getting back upstairs, Sam was still at the edge of the bed, motionless, frozen, fear and pain etched into his frozen feature.

"Get out," I whispered.

"Bella, please, let me explain..."

"Get out," I interrupted, my voice getting a little louder.

"Bella, it's not what you think..."

I couldn't take anymore. Hadn't he hurt me enough?

"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! I DON'T CARE JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" I screamed at his as he stumbled of the splintered wood from the wardrobe towards the door; but I hadn't finished screaming at him just yet.

"HOW COULD YOU SAM, HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME, THAT WE WERE IN LOVE AND HERE I FIND YOU FUCKING ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS, EX BEST FRIEND. YOU SAW WHAT I WAS LIKE AND I TRUSTED YOU TO TAKE CARE OF ME ADND MY FRAGILE HEART. BUT WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU STOOD ON IT, SHATTERED IT AND SCATTERED IT TO THE WIND LIKE WORTHLESS GLASS. HOW COULD YOU? WELL, CONGRADULATION SAM, YOU JUST BEYRAYED THE WOMAN WHO TRULY LOVED YOU AND I PROMISE YOU, YOU'LL NEVER HAVE ME AGAIN. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU HERE EVER AGAIN, NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE AND OUT OF MY LIFE!!!"

He just wasn't getting out fast enough so I picked him up, ran him downstairs and threw him onto the floor before literally kicking him out of the house. I locked the door and ran to the kitchen cupboard, grabbing the old door locks to the house and and a screwdriver and changed all the locks as quickly as I could, knowing he didn't have a key. I didn't want to have to find him back inside my house because he had let himself in with a key, I didn't think my self-control would have been able to handle it, I was inches of tearing off him limbs as it was, never mind adding more fuel to the fire.

That was when everything set in and my knees buckled and I crashed down on the floor. I couldn't believe what just happened. Everything, my entire world, had just shattered into a million unrecognisable pieces. I always thought that Sam was my saviour, my knight in shining armour. How wrong I was.

Sam had brought me back from a place I thought there was no return. I was so used to being nothing, to being worthless, I had forget who I really was. Sam helped me see, he taught me to live again, to be me again, he showed me that I was worthless and that I was good enough. He helped build up my self-esteem, he helped me remember who I was. But the most important thing he had taught me and help me to do was to love. Love had hurt me badly, I didn't trust love, not after what happened. I couldn't find it in me to love knowing how I would be hurt again and I knew nobody would love me, worthless and useless, and if they did, they'd only hurt me more in the end. So I gave up, until Sam. I took that chance and he should me how wonderful being in love is. In taking that chance I regained a lot, but now, I wished I hadn't because he was just the same as everyone else, he had hurt me, just as Edward did, tearing what pieces of my heart I had regained into shreds. I now realised I should have listened to myself all along, don't take a chance only love, because in the end, it will only ever hurt you more.

I got up and I ran. Outside the rain was pouring down torrential, but I didn't care. I had made my decision, and I wasn't going to change my mind, I needed to get away. Usually I enjoyed running, but today was something different, it was just another thing that had to be done, no pleasure in it, no peace, no promise at the end that everything was going to be alright, it just had to be done. As my strides fell into a steady pace, I began to think of everything that had happened in my life; the good and the bad, though the bad outweighed the good quite considerably. As the thoughts ran through my head, I became aware they no-one really wanted me around, and no-one would miss me if I just disappeared, I wasn't ever going to be good enough for anyone, for _him_, so what was the point in trying to live a life that has no meaning? What was the point in putting myself through endless pain and heartache to always be told the same thing, _you're no good for me, Bella_?

As a continued to run, a plan quickly formed in my head, resulting a decision that was in some way ironic. I had decided that I would run to the edge of America, cliff-diving into the ocean so I could enjoy the thrill one last time before swimming to Portugal before running the rest of the way to Italy where I would beg the Volturi for death. I laughed at the memory of _him_ telling me that when I was to die he would follow soon after, after provoking the Volturi ensuring they killed him. Now, I was going to do the same thing, because I couldn't have him, because I couldn't have anyone, because I wasn't good enough and the pain, heartache and rejection was too much to live with for eternity.

And it wasn't like I wasn't like I was giving up much. Sure, there was Jake, but he had Leah, and a life and priorities in La Push, so we hardly spoke anymore, he would be too busy to miss me, though I would miss him dearly. Then there was my little book shop, which I was sure would be in Amelia's capable hands and she would be perfectly fine running the store and when she find out I'm gone, she'll run it how she wants too. And then there was my new-found friendship with the Cullen and my developing friendship with Edward, I would miss them, all of them, even Edward, but he was a constant reminder of the things I could not have, and I didn't want to injure any more pain. As for the rest of the Cullens, I'm sure they would be fine without me, they would see that they had nothing to do with my decision and move on as I would want them too, they would continue with their live and though they would miss me, I sure they would all be perfectly ok.

So I continued to run, reaching the edge of Georgia state, where I stopped. I looked out onto the vast ocean, nothing but miles and miles of dark, dangerous waters as the storm grew closer inland. I took several steps backward so I could get a running jump on my dive. Closing my eyes, I pictured all the things that I so desperately wanted to leave behind and the things I would miss, lingering on a reoccurring feature in both; Edward. There wasn't a day that went by I didn't think about him, or miss him, or want him to take me in his arms and kiss me, telling me everything he had told me was a lie and that he had so desperately loved me for all of these years, grieving the loss of me when they thought I was dead, wanting me back so passionately when he realised I was alive but was stopped only by me and my harsh words. And there wasn't a day that went by that I realised that was never going to happen, because he had left _me_ because _I_ wasn't _good enough_ for _him_, so it didn't matter that I would miss him so terribly, because the pain of never being enough was too much to bear.

My eyes flashed open, I couldn't look upon his face any more as I broke out into a run, to throw myself off the cliff, into the waters below and continue on to Volterra. Just as I was about to throw myself over the edge, I closed my eyes tightly again, whispering "I love you, Edward," before the force of gravity take its hold on me. But the descending feeling never came; instead I was pulled securely into protective arms where I broke down into a fit of tearless sobs before everything going dark.

**Edward's POV**

Over the months I watched her in the minds of my family as she spent a great deal of her time in my home. I wished greatly that she was spending her time at our house to be with me, but that was not the case...yet. I still had hope. So, I watched her in my family's mind, whether it be her getting ready for her performance at Fangtasia with Alice, only the parts where she was clothed because I was more of a gentleman than that and I didn't know if my imperfect self-control would be able to stand watching and not take her passionately into my arms afterwards. It was usually safer to watch her with Emmett, she looked so carefree and happy while playing on the Xbox. I could hear her beautiful laugh in my mind, and it always made me smile, and remember when it was I that used to make her laugh, or be in her presence when she laughed. I was wonderful to watch her so happy, yet painful, knowing I wasn't ever going to be the one who was the cause of that happiness again. It was bittersweet I suppose. But seeing Bella with Esme was my favourite to watch because she was just Bella, it was hard to describe how and what she was like, I suppose the only way I would have described it was perfect, she was in a complete balance with herself and emotions, it was nice to watch. She spoke so freely with Esme, though she was like a mother to Bella, they spoke as if they were old, close friends, though occasion, Bella would ask for help and advice and Esme's motherly instinct would kick in.

I decided months ago that I was going to be good, no more shouting or bring overbearingly protective because it just wasn't going to get me anywhere so I was playing nice. And it was working. I started off simple, just being nice and polite; remembering my manners, my hellos and goodbyes. Then I started smiling at her whenever our eyes met, it was hard to restrain myself from rushing over to her and pulling her into my arms and kissing her with the passion I've kept caged up for all these years I started making conversations with her whenever I was with her, only ever small talk; how she was, what she'd been doing, but the point was it was all about her. I could see that my new politeness was starting to affect her, but I wasn't sure how, as her mind was still as secret to me as ever. But I did not beg or grovel on the floor for forgiveness as I knew I should be doing and I knew I did owe her a very long and meaningful apology which I was yet to give but I didn't and from what I knew of her and her facial expressions, that was what she had expected and the lack of it unnerved her.

I was hoping that my new politeness was affecting her in other ways, hoping that she was seeing that I wasn't as bad as I had been, that I was trying in a round-about way to make up for my past mistakes, helping her see that I still; after all this time, and all that was said and done; love her with all my dead heart and lost soul but the quietness of her mind didn't provide any insight into the matter.

October soon came round and Alice had dragged Bella into helping with her annual Halloween party. It was one afternoon that I decided to take another step forward in my being good plan and I asked if she needed any help in addressing some of the envelopes Alice had asked her to do so she could send off the invitations. She must have stared at me for a good five minutes, one of the agonising moments of my life as I wondered what was running through her mind in that moment. I stared back at her, until she broke the silence by telling me I could if I wanted too. Why wouldn't I want to spend time in the company of a beautiful angel whom I happen to adore? I answered her with her favourite crooked smile before sitting across from her with half of the pile of envelopes. We addressed them in silence, a rather awkward yet comfortable silence where I wished that I could hold her and kiss her and tell her that she was my only reason for continuing my pointless existence. I wished I could tell her that I lied and that I had always loved her. I wished I could tell her what I had been through without her, how much her being in my existence had changed me; but I could not. Instead I settled for the silence and small glances she shot in my direction every now and again where our eyes would meet sometime and I would smile at her. In those moments I remember how her heart would beat erratically when I smiled at her after catching her staring, how I missed the sound. Yet another bittersweet memory. We managed to get all the envelopes finished in no time after I had offered my assistance, though I desperately wished time would have ceased, so I could have been happy in that moment with her for eternity. She smiled at me once we had finished; something I found she was doing more and more recently, and I smiled right back. When we walked into the kitchen where Alice and Esme were, Alice beamed broadly, a hint of something mischievous in her eyes. I didn't think of anything of it at the time, I only realised later what she was going.

I remember one day I caught her finishing a conversation on the phone to someone in the kitchen, I assume to get some non-existent privacy from the others. I stood in the doorway watching her as she danced around the kitchen, she kept saying odd a lot so when she hung up the phone I asked her about it. From the look on her face I could tell I had startled her, even though I whispered,

"What's really odd?"

"Just some stuff that's happening with a friend," I replied.

"Oh, anything I can help with?" I asked sincerely.

"Not really, but thank you for the offer." she replied. She didn't refuse my assistance which was a good sign, yet she had not said yes either, though I got the impression she may not have been being completely truthful; Bella never was very good at lying.

"If you need me, you know where to find me," I said, sadness in my voice this time from realising it was me she thought was acting odd, and if it wasn't that I didn't have the chance to help her with it I turned and walked away after I had finished speaking so I didn't see what she had made of my comment.

The next encounter was a shopping trip which she really didn't want to go on. I was in my room drowning out the other's thoughts with music when I heard Bella shout "Bite me," at the top of her voice which made me curious so I went to investigate to find Bella clinging to one of the kitchen worktops with Alice pulling on her legs. Bella was pointing out Alice wouldn't be able to move her with strength being one of her abilities. I was the most amusing thing I had ever seen in my existence, I knew Bella didn't like shopping but now she was immortal she had the strength to fight Alice, and was succeeding which made it all the funnier. Then, Alice being the sore loser she is, got Emmett to help to, which of course had the rest of us, including me, in stitches. It wasn't until I heard her leg tear under Emmett's grasp and a low hiss escape my mouth she decided that enough was enough and let go. Even after all this time, and even though it wasn't any real danger to her, I couldn't bare the thought of anything hurting Bella, not even play fighting with Emmett.

I had spent most of the day of the party trying to find the perfect corsage that went with the dress that Alice had bought, she had given me a picture of the dress and told me that I would when I find the perfect one and I was to give it to the girl who I saw wearing the dress. I had a sneaking suspicion I knew who it was going to be, but I did as Alice asked anyway just to appease her. So, I had spent a great deal of time wandering in and out of fashion store trying to find the perfect one. It wasn't until the very shop I went in, a quaint little old-fashioned clothes shop down a little alley, I found it, a perfect, pearly-white flower corsage. Naturally I immediate bought it, asking for it to be gift wrapped and made my way back to the party.

I arrived just after the Denali's arrived at the party and caught the conversation between them and Bella; she had gotten rather upset when she had noticed that Laurent had joined the Denali coven, when I realised why, it took an awful lot of self-control not to rush in there and tear his head for what he had done, the pain he had caused, but then I was no better than him. I stepped in the door just as their conversation had finished.

"We shall see what?" I asked. That was when I saw her; she truly was the most beautiful creature I had ever laid my eyes upon. She wore a creamy pearl dress which had a corset top which was beaded and showed off her curves well and rested on her hips and the skirt flared out with many layers but topped off with a layer of lace which was beaded in the same intricate patterns as the corset top. She was also wearing a masquerade mask with the same patterns and beading as the dress, intended to hide her identity but failing, how could anyone not know who she was? I then realised what Alice sneakily had done, the corsage was for her, for I was her Prince Charming for the party. I couldn't believe I didn't see it before. She pulled me out of my reverie by answering my question,

"Nothing much," she turned to the Denali's, "Go and enjoy yourself, the rest of the Cullen's are around somewhere, I do believe Emmett is trying to beat Jasper at Singstar by the sound of it, if any of you fancy knocking him off the top spot, be my guest, no-one has beaten him yet."

Tanya answered her before walking away, Bella turned to go find her way somewhere else but walked into me, my hand holding onto her firmly so she did not fall.

She looked up to meet my eyes before she spoke, "Oh, Edward, I'm sorry, I forgot you were there."

"Don't worry about it Bella, I just want to give you this, seeing as Alice decided you were going to be Cinderella and I, Prince Charming, it goes with the dress, I hope you wear it," I held out the box to her but she continued to stare into my eyes which were more than likely betraying my emotions for I may have been able to hide it physically, but it was impossible to hide it from my eyes. Seeing as she just stood staring, I took the liberty of breaking the eye contact by looking down at the box and opening it for her. Inside was the beautiful corsage, made from pearly white flowers, that I had bought earlier in the day.

"Thank you," she barely stuttered as I carefully slipped the corsage onto her wrist before softly kissing her hand, unable to resist.

"You look absolutely divine in that dress, Bella, then again you always looked beautiful, no matter what you wore," I spoke again, this time it was I, staring into her chocolate eyes, my voice thick with adoration, unable to conceal it.

"Thank you," she stuttered again, "You don't look too bad yourself," she finished.

Then I smiled at her before walking away, leaving her by the door, as I left I whispered, "and you can bump into me any time you like," under my breath, hoping she did not catch it. I wandered around the party greeting the family and friends that had been invited until I heard a commotion from the lounge. Upon investigation I found Bella challenging Emmett to Singstar, it would be quite a competition, though I knew Bella would win because she had the voice of an angel. She picked her song, Feargal Sharkey's A Good Heart, and began to sing. I stood at the back of the crowd, the words of her song choice cutting into me when I felt her gaze on me then suddenly disappear. I continued to listen to the songs she sang, the lyrics rang in my ears clear and true as if she meant them for only me and to torture me so. Bella won, naturally and Emmett being a sore loser challenged her to Guitar Hero, which I had no doubt she would win.

I lowered my gaze from the lounge for second to find Bella gone when I looked back up. I wanted so ask her so something desperately so I sought her out, finding her in the kitchen, getting a drink. I stood in the doorway staring at her, feeling my heated gaze she turned around, finishing her drink. Once finished she spoke,

"Was there something you wanted, Edward, or are you going to stare me all night?" she asked lightly.

"How did you know I was staring at you all night? You weren't even looking in my direction most of the time?" I questioned, feeling she had caught me out.

"I didn't. I was referring to now, with the staring," she replied. Oh crap! I had just dropped myself in it, I would be tomato red now if I could blush

"Oh," was my only answer.

She turned to leave, but I could bear to watch her walk away from me so I blurted out, "Wait, I wanted to ask you something, if that's ok?"

"Yes, that's ok, go ahead."

"Will you dance with me, please?" I asked slowly and quietly. I was so afraid that she would turn me down, it made me nervous, and I hated the feeling, and I feared rejection; again. All these emotions where present in voice, as well as love, there was no use trying to hide them now. She turned right around to face me, where she met my eye, which again were full of an sadness and pain, as well as my undying love. In that moment, I forgot everything. Where I was, why I was here, my family, even my own name. I couldn't remember, the only thing I could focus on was Bella and the arching need to tell her absolutely that I did and that had happened, and to beg and grovel and cry if I had to, to apologise over and over and beg for forgiveness, and to take me back in her life. I wanted thing to be how they used to be when we were together. Then I felt the terrible urge to kiss her lips, too feel like I used to and purely to see what would happen. I decided against it. She accepted my offer to dance, which cured me of the fear of rejection and nervousness, lifting my heart a little, and from the curious expression on her face I'm sure she noticed.

We danced to a few song, and it was fun, the most fun I had had with Bella in a very long time, and I really enjoyed it, but then a slow song came on, the type where you and your dance partner have no personal space. I held out my hand, just like any gentleman would and she took it, a bewildered expression on her face as if she was wondering why she had, after everything I had done. I pulled her close to my chest as wrapping my other hand around her waist, resting it on the small of her back; where I would gladly like them to remain forever, though it was not possible. Her hands found their way around me as my other hand joined the one on the small of her back. She rested her head against his chest as we moved slowly to the music, with that same electricity I felt in Biology all those years ago flowing freely through us, I longed to live in this moment forever, with the beautiful angel in my arms, if I had done no wrong, as if we were still in love, I wanted nothing more to be with Bella for all of eternity. But reality came crashing down as the song ended all too soon and we both reluctantly let each other go, she looked up at me and thanked him for the dance. I just smiled, nodded and walked away; the pain to much to bare.

Not long after, the party ended and we were saying goodbye and all too soon it came to saying goodbye to Bella. She said goodbye to the rest of my family until to she turned to me but I couldn't let her say it so I cut her off and spoke first

"I'll walk you to your car."

She stood there, completely awe-struck, before nodding her head instead of speaking and following me to her car, where I opened the door for her as I used to do. She carefully climbed into her car and rolled the window down as I shut the door.

"Drive safely Bella, I will see you tomorrow."

"Good night, Edward, I had a nice time. I'll see you tomorrow." She said with a smile.

"I did too, good night, Isabella." I said, before kissing her on the forehead, with the same passion as I did when I kissed her forehead when I left her, trying to pour all my unspeakable love into that kiss as I did then. When my lips left her skin, my lip tingle with the sensation, she smiled at me, and really smiled, her dazzling smile, before starting her car and driving away. I watched as she drove away from me, muttering "I love you" as I did.

I spent the rest of the night in my room, trying not to think about the events that had just passed, and all the events in the past which had lead up to this, all the heartache and mistakes. I tried to drowned out my family's thoughts too, as they were not helping my situation much either. I decided to play my piano, but everything I played ended up sounded like Bella's Lullaby so I slammed the lid, frustrated. I did not want to dwell on what I had caused, but all I could think of was the way it felt to have her back in my arms, the same thrilling electricity that ran through my veins as it did when she was still human. The image of her eyes, how they gazed upon me, haunted me every time I closed my eyes. I laid down on my black couch, remember what it felt like to be loved, when the door to my room crashed open, lying broken, shattered on the floor leaving Alice in it's wake, her breathing laboured, the colour in her face which she had, had been drained away, leaving her almost translucent as she spoke words I'd never thought I'd hear,

"Edward, it's Bella. She's going to the Volturi; she wants to die."

The moment immediately after the words had escaped Alice's lips went completely blank. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Love, life, meaning...over. I was about to permanently loose the only woman who ever held my heart. I couldn't let it happen, I wouldn't let it happen. I had lost her once, I would be damned if I lost her again, not after I had just found her again.

Once I had regained my senses I dived into Alice's mind to find what had brought on Bella's decision to go to the Volturi to die. I saw the Volturi tear her shreds after she exposed herself to human after they had refused to kill her with provocation because her gifts were to valuable to waste; I saw her running through Europe on the way to Volterra; I saw her cliff dive off the coast of Georgia into the ocean and swim to Portugal; I saw her leave her house, horror and shear pain distorting her perfect features as she ran to the coast. It was then I saw it, the reason behind the decision. I saw Sam, the person who was supposed to love her and cherish her; who, from accounts of various people, was supposed to be the one who was holding her together after everything I had done to her; he was supposed to give her everything her beautiful heart desired but instead he did the opposite. He took her heart and threw it onto the floor, making sure every piece of it was shattered into small, unrecognisable pieces before running off with a friend who was also supposed to love and care for her too.

I realised then what I had to do; I ran. I ran to her, I would be there and help her put back together the pieces of her heart; it was the least I could do. Though, selfishly, was I doing it for myself as well. I would not let her suffer that sort of pain again, not if I could help it. For the first time, as I ran, everything was blurred, the only clear thing was Bella, and the need to show that I cared, that I sill loved her and I would be there for her no matter what she needed.

It wasn't long until I saw her standing there, getting ready to jump in the treacherous ocean below. I edged closer, getting ready to catch her before she jumped when I heard her angel voice whisper, "I love you Edward." The feeling that grew in me as she said those words was beyond words; I finally knew who she truly felt about me. The feeling had made me forget the task at hand and I was almost too late as she was falling over the edge but I caught her, pulling her into my arms, secure and protected, as she curled into my body as we huddled together on the cliffs edge. It was only then when she broke down into a fit of tearless sobs, cries of severe heartache, as body shook with the intense pain of what she had been through, before it all stopped, the noise, the shaking, everything; her eyes firmly shut, her body limp. Impossible as it was, she had sunk into unconsciousness in my arms.

Rising from my position on the floor, picking her up as I moved, I cradled her body as close to my chest as I could; holding and protecting her fiercely as I ran her back home, back to Carlisle so that he could examine her and make sure she was alright, physically. As I ran, staring at the brunette beauty that I held in my arms, my mind wandered to all the what ifs of our complex relationship. What if I had never left Bella that day in the woods, where would we be now? Would I have had the strength and the control to change her or would she have died at my hands? Would I have even allowed her to be changed? Would we have still be together, passionately in love; or would she have left me after realising how much more than me she deserved; or maybe I would have found another way to ruin what we had? I only knew one thing for certain, and that was, if I was ever given the chance to redo my life, I wouldn't change becoming a vampire, or my rebellious years, or returning to Carlisle's way of life, these decisions where the decisions that led me to Bella, and the happiest days of my existence, where I had something to exist _for. _What I knew I would change, if I had that chance, was my decision to leave Bella. I always knew it was the wrong decision, but I thought it was the best for Bella, so I did it regardless of what I wanted. I could now see it was the wrong decision entirely for the both of us, and if I hadn't have been so stubborn and determined, we wouldn't be in the mess were in as I ran her back to Carlisle.

It wasn't long before we were back at the house; Bella still tightly cradled to my chest, unconscious. Carlisle was waiting for us at the door, from his mind he had already set up a medical table in his office so he could check her over. I rushed through the door, with Carlisle behind me as I ran up the stairs. Carefully, I laid Bella down on his medical bed, before reluctantly stepping away from the table so that Carlisle can do his work. It only took him seconds to do a complete examination but each second dragged on for years.

"There's nothing medical wrong with her," he said, "she's in a severe state of shock and her mind is protecting her, she will come around when she feels safe and ready," he told me, knowing my thoughts before I even spoke them.

"So, there's nothing you can do?" I asked, practically begging.

"Nothing, I'm so sorry Edward, I know how hard this is for you."

That was when the waiting began.

**[A/N: I decided to end the chapter here otherwise it would drag on too long. I know it's a little shorter than you are used to but, I think it was still as good. I hope that you enjoyed it and I'll try not too keep you waiting too long for the next chapter, but it's getting harder to find the time when I have so much studying to do. Hope you enjoyed it, let me know what you think and thanks for reading :) E-M-C xx]**


	15. Lost

Lost

**Bella's POV**

The last thing I felt before the darkness drew me in was a pair of strong arms securely cradling me to his chest. I felt so safe in those arms as if I was home; a feeling I hadn't felt since well...Edward. These feelings had made me miss that I was in the darkest recesses of some forgotten place, the only indication I had to tell me I was still, sort of, in the land of the living, was the fact that I could still hear everything; Edward's panicked voice as I fade away into unconsciousness, the sound of the wind in the trees, of the cars on the road. As we ran, I wondered where my consciousness was; it didn't take me long to figure it out, after all I was a shield and the thing they do best is protect. My shield had locked my consciousness in the deepest, darkest recesses of my own mind until it was safe enough to re-awake. Excellent idea in theory but practically it was useless, for now I was trapped indefinitely. Later, after the wind and the other noises of nature had drifted away, I heard a familiar voice, Carlisle was there, wherever I was. He was speaking with Edward about my condition,

"There's nothing medical wrong with her," he said, "she's in a severe state of shock and her mind is protecting her, she will come around when she feels safe and ready." It had seemed Carlisle had drew the same conclusion as me, that my mind was protecting itself.

"So, there's nothing you can do?" Edward asked, he sounded like he was begging, as if he was desperately wanting Carlisle to be able to do something.

"Nothing, I'm so sorry Edward, I know how hard this is for you."

The last comment that Carlisle made had struck something in me, why would Edward be finding this hard, yes he may care, but he couldn't care that much could he? Images of the party flooded my mind, the way he kissed my hand after slipping my corsage on, the odd expressions on his face and emotions in his voice like pain, adoration, nervousness and love, the way he was staring at me all night, _that_ dance, _that _kiss as we parted, made me realise that he could maybe care that much. He had been acting rather strangely lately. But the way Carlisle had said it made it seem he was suffering more than the others, still didn't make any sense to me.

I had many visitors; Eric came to see me, he told me he had told the guests at Fangtasia I had been in an incident and that I wouldn't be performing for a while. He told me that they had all signed a handmade get well card which the rest of the staff had made. They had also all pulled together to buy Jake and Leah tickets to visit me as well as the largest bunch of freesias imaginable.

Amelia came to see me to tell me how my little store was doing, she told me we had another signing at the end of the month which she hoped I'd been there for and she wanted to ask me my opinion on some decorating ideas she thought would look good in the shop.

The Cullens were in and out most of the time. Esme would come in a lot, changing the water of my flowers, bringing in new flowers and taking the dead ones away. She talk to me about the younger Cullens, just like any parent would to her best friend, about Emmett and Jasper getting into a fight and breaking her best china, she told me of worries of Carlisle working too hard, that he needed a break, how they were doing at school. She talked about her baking for the homeless, and how her garden was doing. She would say anything on her mind and it was a comfort, and it made me happy to help her get some of her worries of her chest, I always found talking about someone that worried you made it seem a little better, and it worked wonderfully with Esme.

Emmett came in to poke fun at me, though what he said was very funny. He poke fun at all his siblings, trying to cheer me up I suppose. He would tell me of the fights he won and the games he won as well as telling me about all that he lost, he always was a sore looser and he just wanted to talk to someone about it.

Rosalie came in every so often. She didn't say very much or stay very long, she talked a little about the family, Emmett mostly, but that was about it, though I was thankful that she came, at least she showed she cared.

Alice would talk about shopping and fashion. She was constantly threatening me with shopping trips and she even gave me makeovers "while I was unconscious and couldn't complain" is how she put it. I was nice really, though I could feel it and usually didn't like it, it was quite soothing. Sometimes she'd talk about her concerns with Jasper or talk about future things. Mostly she talked about us having some girl time when I got back.

Jasper came in from time to time, he told me about Alice and voiced his concerns, which wasn't too often. He told me he was taking care of my bike for me, which I would have to tell him I was grateful for when I came back around. Sometimes he spoke of his past, I think it was nice to speak to someone who wouldn't judge, not that his family judged him, but they all saw him as the weaker one, but to me he was just Jasper. I suppose it was nice just to get it off his chest. Our friendship had really grown from when we first met, it was nice and I enjoyed his company.

Carlisle came in everyday after work, he would check me over, then he'd read to me, he had started with Wuthering Heights, and we were nearly finished. Sometimes he wouldn't read, he'd tell me about his day at work, some of the patients he had, sharing their stories. He too would tell me some of his worries about his family, Edward in particular, though he never revealed the cause of Edward's depressive behaviour, he just talked about it. It made me sad, knowing Edward was depressed. I wanted to tear the reason to pieces, or tear something to pieces if it wasn't physically possible to do that. After all I still did love him, though I had not chance and I'd end up more hurt in the end. But I couldn't help but care. I wondered about the reason but always came up clueless, until one day.

Edward never left my side. He spoke of school and of his family. Usually he was very quiet, but I could feel his gaze on me at all times, he only left to go to school, begrudgingly after he had an argument with Carlisle and Esme. One day, he was just sitting there, gazing at me, as usual, until he said the most unexpected things,

"Bella, I wish you could here me, Carlisle says you can't hear words as such, just sound but it's supposed to help. Not only that, I need to tell you this anyway, even if you can't hear me. I love you, I always have and I know we can never be together because you could never forgive me after everything I put you through, both before and after I left you that day. That day was the hardest day of my existence, to tell you I didn't want you. It broke my reawakened heart. I was prepared to argue and argue with you when you refused to believe that I didn't love you, but there was no arguing, you didn't even beg. This broke me further; you so easier believed my lies of not loving you, but you found it so hard to believe I did. Why would you let the one time I tell you break your faith in all the times I told you I did? I couldn't believe you so easily accepted it. I nearly stopped what I was doing and told you it was all a lie right there and then when I saw the expression on your face, the tortured pain, your eyes filling with tears, it was so hard to watch you and be completely impassive about it. I was a shattered man. I tried to show you my passion for you with that parting kiss, but you still didn't understand. But understand now Bella, I love you with all my heart, with everything I am, I never stopped loving you. I only left to protect you, to give you the chance of a normal, happy life without the constant danger of vampires, if not my family, the attention of the difference of our family draws.

I lived alone after I left you. I couldn't be around my family. Eventually I came back. Then I learned of your death. I was nothing after that I might as well have been really, truly dead. I grieved and grieved. I was unreachable by my family, I shut everyone out, I hunted rarely, I didn't speak, I never left my room. I surrounded myself with memories of you and the knowledge I was the one too kill you, even if it was indirectly. I was numb. I couldn't feel anything. I wanted nothing more than to die but that would have gone again your wishes, and I didn't want to hurt you more than I already had. It took all the strength I had to live through one second, never mind an hour. I felt hollow, like my heart had been tore from my chest. I couldn't function without you. I need you so I can exist, because I can't without you.

Then, when I met you again, a brunette angel with no name who tortured me by so similar to you, I wanted to rip myself you by betraying your memory by wanting to meet another girl. Then I find out it was you. And you weren't dead, completely, anyway. I threw everything I knew out of balance. And you had Sam and was happy when I loved you so very much. I was lost completely. I know my actions were inexcusable, all of my actions, and I know you probably hate me and you could never forgive me but it won't stop me trying. I would grovel, I would beg, I would do anything for you, absolutely anything, anything for you to saying that we could try and be friends. Really I would. You have no idea how much I want you in my life, as anything, because I care too damn much about you to let you go. You couldn't comprehend how much I love you and need you in my life. _B__efore you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars- point of light and reason... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything._

So, there it is, everything. I'm tired of hiding my emotions Bella, if that's the way it needs to be, that's the way it'll stay for now, but I promise I'll tell you again, when you conscious and the time it right. I love you. You are my life."

After he finished his speech, he took a hold of my hand, and rested his head on my chest. He then let go to brush his lips against mine before announcing he was going to school and he'd be back later.

If I had been conscious I would have been rendered speechless by what Edward had just said. If it weren't for the pain and the agony in his voice I would not have believed him; I had a little trouble taking it all in as it was. Edward Cullen had just told me he loved me, that he always had and always will, and that he lied to me that he didn't. Maybe my mind was telling me what I wanted to hear, but the touch of his hand and the feel of his lips was too real to deny, besides, my imagination wasn't that good. What was a problem was now that I had this information, what was I going to do with it? I only had two options – one, tell him I heard and tell him how I feel but I was going to need loads of time to rebuild myself from Sam and the trust Edward had lost or, two, wait until he decides to tell me again then tell him I know. I decided on the latter, I was going to pretend I never heard anything, it must have been hard enough to tell me in the state I was, never mind having me telling him later I heard every single word. I decided the best thing to do was to tell him about it when he told me again.

Then I thought about what was said.

I was so shocked that he had said he loved me, it was bliss to hear the words come from his mouth, in his velvet voice. At first I thought I was dreaming, because I never thought I would hear those words leave his mouth again and be meant for me. It was dreamlike, but real. I couldn't believe it. When he said we couldn't be together, why heart nearly broke again, but then I heard his reason, that I would hate him for what he did. I may be angry, it may take time to forgive but the one thing I could never do was really, truly hate him, because it was physically impossible for me to do so.

I still couldn't see why he couldn't understand why it was so easy for me to accept that he didn't love me and so hard to believe that he did. I always thought it was so obvious, what would a man, who was practically godlike, the most interesting, romantic, charming and caring gentleman love someone like me, someone plain and boring, someone who was so clumsy that I was disabled and too stubborn for her own damn good. I wasn't beautiful, or interesting or even funny. I had nothing to keep him with me. It never made sense for him to love him. Though now I know he loves me, I can see how much it had hurt him that I let that one time break faith in him; I could see now that it must have broken his heart that I could do that, but maybe if he understood the reason he wouldn't feel that way. I must have killed him that day, just as he did me.

Reliving the day in my mind, through my foggy human eyes, I could see my tortured expressions that plagued him so, but as I looked closely at the memory for him I could see his own tortured expression in his eyes deeply hidden under the carefully constructed façade of impassiveness. I could see what he was doing, was doing to him, the damage it was causing, how much he selfishly didn't want to leave but felt he had too. For a moment I could see that shattered man too. I remembered the kiss, although at the time I felt completely numb, I remembered the sensation it caused under the numbness, all the passion that was there, that a human would miss. He only left to protect me, but he had made it much worse, I understood now that he just wanted to keep me safe from all the dangers, he didn't know that bigger dangers were on the way to get me and that he was the only one who could of protected me.

I never thought about what it was like for his family very much until he mentioned them, it must have been so hard for him to be around them and them to be around him, knowing that he had taken a sister, a daughter, a best friend away from their family. It must have been so much harder for Jasper too, thinking he was the reason for all that was happening, and to feel Edward pain on top of it all. It was funny really, how very similar we were in our pain, how we were both just as lifeless as each other. How we couldn't be reached by anyone, we hardly did anything, said anything, never leaving the same space. We even felt the same numbness, barely scraping through the seconds, not caring about the minutes. In a way I was happy Edward couldn't function without me like I couldn't function without him. It was comforting to know we were both just as useless without each other. The only thing that we differed on was the memories, whereas I locked mine away because to think of them caused such immense pain, he surrounded himself with his, letting the pain take him over, just like the masochistic lion he was.

It must have been harder to be tempted by someone else when you didn't want to, when you thought you where betraying someone you loved very much. It must have been even more shattering to realise that I was still alive, was with someone else and he had to stand by and watch me be happy without him; that was something I would not have been able to go through, I would have surely died.

I had to admit, the fact that he had lied to me, and left me out such an important, life-changing decision, hurt. A lot. He knew, right from when we first met, how I felt about lying, how I hated it, yet he had lied to me. And it was a big lie, one that would take time and effort to rebuild the trust lost because of it. The only thing that made it slightly better was he did what he did with the good intentions, though they say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. And I had surely been through Hell.

I had yet to decide whether to forgive him or not, he had caused me so much damage, so much pain, I was the shell of the person I once was because of him, because of a lie. How could anyone do that to the person they were supposed to love? But I suppose he didn't fully comprehend the extent of my feelings for him, how my memories wouldn't have faded, how my love wouldn't have either. He would have thought I'd have been normal, but when was I ever? He was only trying to keep me safe in the best way he knew how, but did he really have to lie to me? And the answer was yes, yes he did. Because I see now, if he had told me that he had to leave to protect me but said he still loved me I would have done exactly what he thought I was going to do, beg, grovel, argue, refuse; I would have played dirty, I would have spoke to his family, I would have done anything to make him stay, I would have fought him every way I knew how, and he would have, to make me happy. But in his eyes I was still unsafe, which wasn't the goal so in the end he had no choice, not if he wanted, in his eyes, for me to be safe. A small part of my heart was screaming not to forgive him, not to let him back into my life because it knew all too well what happens when love is let into your life, and the pain which is the result of it. But every other fibre of my being was screaming to forgive him and let him back in because he was who I wanted, who I _needed, _to be with, because I'm not me without him. Eventually that small part of my heart died out, and I decided to take that leap of faith and let him in, but only after I had fully healed from whatever wombs I had when I woke up from the darkness that Sam had caused. Only when I felt I was ready to love and be loved, and ready to take a chance on anyone else, I would take a chance on him.

But it was nice to know that I was needed, that I was loved, that I was the on to put brilliance and beauty into someone existence, to make it mean something instead of being all the same, to be the only reason they exist for. I made me feel elated, though I don't see it, but then Edward always did tell me I never saw myself very clearly; maybe he was right all along.

His speech explained everything; the odd emotions in his eyes, in his voice, they way he was around me, why Carlisle said me being in this state was harder for him than anyone else. It all made sense now. I could never understand why I would see the odd emotions or why he would treat me in such a way, but I get it now, like all the pieces of the puzzle coming together. Sometimes, there were times I thought it could have been possible, but I was always remained about that day in the woods and his haunting words and I would remember that he didn't want me, or his family would say something that imply that he still felt the same way about me but again the words "_you're no good for me, Bella_" rang clearly in my head and I would dismiss the thought before I had even had time to hope. But now I know it wasn't true, and every look and every touch he gave me wasn't a lie, he loved me, unconditionally and irrevocably, forever.

And for the first time, in a long time, I loved back with all of my heart.

I didn't know how long I had been lying there, thinking things through until a hand curled it's way into mine. I knew instantly by the electricity that ran through me that it Edward; it was unmistakable. He sat in silence for a while until he spoke about his day, how he would have much rather spent it watching over me to make sure I was cared for. He ran his fingers through my hair, tucking strands behind my ears, twirling pieces in his finger, it was soothing, almost therapeutic. That was when a small moan escaped my lips, though they did not move. I assumed Edward froze because everything was still until he spoke again,

"Bella, Bella can you hear me?" I said frantically

Another voice chimed in where mine should have been, "I don't think so, not yet, but give her three hours and she'll be back again," Alice said, a smile evident in her voice.

"Thank you, Alice, thank you."

He continued to hold my hand, squeezing it every now and again, as I murmured incomprehensibly. I could feel myself coming to very slowly. I was struggling to control my speech, saying things delirious, it sort of reminded me of my embarrassing sleep-talking I did oh so many years ago. My eyelashes would flutter from time to time as more of my consciousness came back and I began to mumble more clearly, still quite delirious.

"Sam, get out. I hate you, Sam," I said as Edward tightened his grip on my hand, "What's the point? I'm worthless. Worthless. No point living," I continued my delirious muttering, "Not good enough, never was, still not. Promises broken, reckless, existed. I love you, Edward," was the last thing I said as my ramblings ceased, powerless to stop the words slipping from my lips. I hoped he wouldn't pin too much hope on the ramblings of a semi-conscious person.

After the word vomit episode, I remained silent, Edward still with my hand firmly placed inside his. Every now and again he'd brush his fingers across my cheek or kiss the hand he held. I don't know how long we stayed like that, in an odd yet comfortable peace until the silence was broken by Alice and her chirpy voice,

"In, 5...4...3...2...1."

As she said one my eyes flickered open to reveal the white-coloured ceiling above. Slowly I turned my head to the right to see Edward's glorious face grinning from ear to ear.

"Edward," I breathed.

"I'm right here, Bella, it's ok."

"What happened?" I asked, fully aware of what I had been through.

"Alice had a vision, you were running to Volterra. I stopped you but you collapsed in my arms then blacked out. I took you back here, and waited for you to recover. You always end up surprising me, Bella. Who knew a vampire could become unconscious?"

"Well I wouldn't be me if I didn't behave abnormally somehow." I joked, "How long was I out for?"

"A little over four days," Carlisle said as he entered the room, "If it's ok, I'd like to check you over."

"That's fine," I replied.

Alice and Edward, who were rather reluctant to leave, got up from where they were sitting, exiting the room, leaving me with Carlisle.

"What was it like, being unconscious?" he asked, always curious.

"Very dark, I could think clearly but couldn't see."

"Could you hear anything?"

I stretched my shield around us so the others wouldn't hear, "If I tell you, you must promise not to tell anyone, ok?"

"Ok," he replied.

"Then, yes I could, I heard a few very interesting things that I didn't think I'd ever hear and I'm not going to tell him I heard."

"Ah, yes, I understand," Carlisle replied understanding to what I was referring. "I'm sorry we kept this from you, Bella, but you have to understand, it wasn't our place to tell you something as big as this. We did try helping him in the right direction but it didn't seem to work. I'm really sorry, Bella, truly I am."

"Carlisle, it's ok. I understand and I know, please don't worry about it. If I were in the same position you are, I would have done exactly the same. You're right, something this big needs to be said in person, and when the times right he'll tell me again, don't worry, please."

"If it's not too rude of me to ask, do you mind if I ask how you feel about it all, Esme is so very concerned about the both of you, I'd just like to put her at ease," he asked, quietly, unsure of whether to ask at all.

"It's ok, Carlisle, I know you both worry, but I honestly don't know, I have much to think about." I answered, sincerely.

"That fine, Bella, it's good to have you back," he said with a smile.

"It's good to be back, but I have to go," I replied as I jumped out of the nearest window. I didn't feel like seeing any of the Cullens right now, especially not Edward. Though I may have looked the picture of ease on the outside, inside I was a chaotic, destructive mess. For the first time ever, I felt the burning desire to kill, to rip and tear and savage whatever I could get my hands on. I felt like a vampire, like the monster I was. My shield was still up at full force so no-one would have known what I was going to do. I ran from the Cullen household as fast as I could, home where I could sink into depression on my own.

**Edward's POV**

I wanted to kill him. Rip off his limbs one by one; tear him to shreds as he did with Bella's heart. I knew I was being hypocritical as I had once done that too, but to build her back up only to destroy her; it was pure evil. Cruel. And I was never cruel to Bella but once I got my hands on Sam he was going to see how cruel I could be. Emmett was game for a hunting party as always, he enjoyed a good fight but Emmett was on the offensive because to him, Bella was, and will always be his clumsy, little sister who needs a bear of a big brother to protect her and here was his chance. Jasper was up for it too, during our time here, hers and Jasper's relationship had only ever improved, now that he could actually be around her, but he had always thought of her as a sister. Carlisle was against the idea, always the pacifist, he tried to reason with me, said I was blinded by rage but I wouldn't listen. We even rang Eric, who was willing to help, though he had a distaste for me after what I had done to Bella, he loved Bella as a daughter and would do anything for her, even if it meant he had to help me out, so he told me that he and the male bouncers at the club were coming down to help.

Carlisle tried to plead with me again before we left but it was no use, I knew what had to be done. We met up with Eric at the club, where we went through what we was doing and he informed us that Sam was working at his club tonight and that he was staying with a friend in Bon Temps. We decided it would be best not to cause too much of a scene, for Bella's sake, so we decided to wait until he left his bar before we confronted him. By the cover of night we ran, before waiting in the shadows. We didn't have to wait long before he left the building. Emmett was the one who caught him, pinned him to the ground while Eric was telling him why he had six extremely strong vampires on his ass. He didn't stand a chance as we broke every bone in his body; but for me it wasn't enough. He was bloody and broken but I wanted more. I wanted to tear him up bit by bit, torture him to the extent to which he was begging for death before I tortured him with searing venom that slowly killed him off in a fiery hell. That was what he deserved for doing what he had to Bella, at the very least. It took all of them to keep me from doing my heart's desire, they had to restrain me and literally drag me back home. Jasper had to ask Alice to keep a watchful eye on me to make sure I didn't go back there. I admitted the temptation to go back and finish what I had started was very great, but I promised Carlisle that I wouldn't go back, because I wasn't the monster, he was.

Bella was nowhere to be found when we back, I wanted to hold her, to make sure that she was alright but Alice advised against trying to find her. She told me that she needed time alone and that she would come find us when she was ready so all I had to do was wait. Which was the hardest part, the waiting. I had to wait eighty years to find her, to then stupidly and foolishly let her go because I thought I knew best, to find her and loose her all over again, to then only have to wait around to find her again.

By the middle of the night I was restless, nothing could keep my attention, my mind was constantly on Bella, wondering where she was, how she was, what she was doing. I couldn't get her off my mind, not that I wanted to, but I couldn't do anything, I had lost interest in everything; my piano; reading; music; everything. So I found myself on my couch, my eyes closed, listening to the sounds of the world and the rain, trying my hardest not to go find Bella or Sam, both for different reason. It was then I heard the distinctive sound of a motorbike pulling up our drive. Something inside me made me go downstairs and find out who was coming up to our house this late at night. I heard soft footsteps padding up our stairs as I opened the door to be surprised who was standing there. With a motorcycle helmet tucked under her arm and several bags in each hand, Bella stood in front of me, dripping wet.

**[A/N: Sorry for the timing between updates, my life is so hectic right now, with endless work, revision and exams, so finding time to write is few and far between, which I'm terribly sorry for, luckily, at the end of June, it's the end of my education for a couple of months so it will be endless writing and update, so there is something for you to look forward too. I hope you enjoy the chapter, and I will update as soon as I possibly can :) Enjoy! E-M-C xx]**


End file.
